How to improve the relationship with my son? 9 practical tips

Raising a child is not always an easy task; there are many elements that must be taken into account and, as always, there are no “magic recipes”: part of success lies in knowing how to adapt to unforeseen events and the particularities of the dynamics of our families.

Due to the complexity of this process, some fathers and mothers, especially first-timers, may require some support to improve the relationship they have with the youngest in the house. Here you will find a summary of tips to keep in mind that are generally useful, although as I have already said, each case is unique (and therefore This is the most effective, and the only solution in the most extreme cases, is to go to a psychologist for family and/or child and adolescent therapy sessions).

• Related article: "How to set limits on children: 10 tips to educate them"

Tips to improve the relationship with a son or daughter

The good relationship between parents and children is not only the best vehicle for the youngest to develop correctly; In addition, it is necessary to be happy in the family environment. Therefore, when problems of coexistence, communication and/or expression of emotions arise,

It is necessary to take action as soon as possible, for their sake and for yours.

If you want to know what are the main guidelines to improve the relationship with children, consult the selection of essential keys that are presented below.

1. Practice active listening

Listen to our son at all times and make him feel understood both in good times and in bad times. tantrums, sadness or in states of discomfort is one of the best ways to improve the relationship we have with he. Remember that just because you have a lot more experience in life doesn't mean you should patronize and constantly paternalistic: you too can and should learn about what goes through his mind, what makes him happy and what not etc

Both in childhood and in adolescence, maintaining an attitude of active listening with our child will have a positive effect on her self-esteem, as well as in the formation of her future adult personality, and will make her feel that she can count on us, something fundamental. For this, it is important that, if you did not already do so, you pay attention to the details: when he speaks, do you give signs that you listen carefully and do you take what he says seriously?

In the same way, showing interest in her hobbies and interests also helps to establish an emotional bond with our son or daughter and strengthens the positive relationship that we want to establish.

• You may be interested: "Active listening: the key to communicate with others"

2. Apply a democratic educational style

A democratic educational style consists of applying consensual and accepted norms of behavior or coexistence at home by the whole family, instead of imposing them authoritatively or arbitrarily from the start. Of course, fathers and mothers have the last word as they are the adult references, but you have to do everything possible so that the little ones in the house understand the ideas behind, for example, the rules of coexistence and socialization.

It is important to establish well-differentiated limits in the education of children, but it is equally important to make them understand that the rules must be followed for the well-being of all.

3. spend time with him or her

Many cases of bad relationships between parents and children are caused by the fact that they have not spent a little time together.

Again, children need to know that they are important to their parents and that their parents want to spend time with them, so The best way to spend quality time with our children is to schedule it a little in advance and reserving a few hours to be with the family and disconnect from work obligations.

4. show affection

Shows of affection are also very necessary in the development process of the boy or girl, both in childhood as in adolescence, and at each stage of growth the displays of affection are different.

Yes indeed, more important than showing affection towards our children at all times is making them feel loved in general, and make it clear to them that we will be there for them whenever they need us.

5. Respect your independence

Children are not “incomplete” people: they have thoughts and feelings of their own, and their way of seeing things (even those they hardly know anything about). Like any other person, our children also need space and time for themselves, without expose herself all the time to the control of her parents, nor to interrogations about what she does or what she has done.

Likewise, as they grow they demand more physical and emotional spaces of their own that we must respect in order to maintain a good relationship with them.

6. Talk about different topics

Children have a lot of questions from a very young age, since learn from curiosity, and to promote their correct intellectual and emotional development, it is important to talk with them about different topics that may be important to them. Although we are not experts either, the simple act of asking questions together and hypothesizing about possible answers is often stimulating.

Similarly, it is also important to talk to our children about ourselves, about our lives, from our childhood or our parents, this will help reinforce a positive and close relationship with them and serve as a reference.

7. play with him or her

The game is a classic mechanism of attachment formation and a positive relationship with children.

It is important to offer to play with children at all stages of their growth, including participating in their hobbies when they are teenagers; In this way, we will contribute to strengthening our closeness and good relationship with them.

8. Keep calm

The way we talk and communicate with our children is also a crucial element in establishing a good relationship with them.

Keeping a calm tone even when we are criticizing them for something bad they have done favors communication and understanding with our children and also teaches them patterns of behavior and ways of relating positively.

Of course, that does not mean that you always have to totally suppress anger, which is a perfectly legitimate sentiment; You simply have to take into account that it is not mandatory to "use it" when correcting their behavior (the role of father or mother is not so rigid) and that in some cases it is It is advisable to manage what we feel (for example, taking a few minutes to calm down) so that we do not lose much fluidity when communicating verbally.

9. avoid comparisons

This is especially important when you have more than one child.. Making comparisons between siblings can be very negative for the victim and have a negative impact on their socialization and the formation of their personality.

Similarly, in only children it is advisable not to make comparisons with other children or with their classmates who may have better grades or higher academic performance: at these ages it is advisable to make them aspire to look like their best version, not so much like the the rest.

Are you looking for psychological assistance services?

If you want to have professional psychological assistance, Get in touch with me. I am an expert psychologist in the cognitive-behavioral model, and I have been offering tools for many to learn how to better manage emotions, relational dynamics and communication styles. I attend in person and also online by video call.