Breakup of a couple, not a family

The breakup of a couple generally carries a set of consequences for the parents.

For example, in most cases the separation implies lower economic income and an increase in expenses, since you have to pay for another house- This affects children, since they are also affected economically, and that is why it is convenient for parents to agree on how to assume the economic situation, especially taking into account the interest of the minors involved.

But there is also psycho-emotional effects. It is common for the person who did not make the separation decision to present symptoms associated with stress, anxiety and depression. If the emotional state of one of the parents is very unbalanced, it is necessary to attend a psychological consultation. But there can also be psychological alterations in children, especially in childhood.

• Related article: "Family therapy: types and forms of application"

Children's emotional disturbances linked to the breakup of their parents

These are the emotional problems that can occur in minors in such a situation.

1. Guilty feeling

Sometimes the èqueños feel guilty or responsible for all the problems arising from the separation, especially when what is happening is not explained to them.

2. Anxiety and depression

When children do not receive adequate support and constant assistance from their parents, states of anxiety and depression often arise.

3. Regressive behaviors

There may be a setback in development, which leads to emitting behaviors from previous stages: bed wetting, thumb sucking, sleep disorders, apathy from going to school, crying excessively, tantrums ...

4. Disruptive behaviors

Behaviors that involve impulsiveness and breaking of rules of coexistence.

5. Feelings of frustration and rejection

The children reject that their parents separate, maintaining the hope of seeing their family together, and as a consequence a lot of frustration and uncertainty arises.

6. School problems

When children are faced with separation from their parents, sometimes their interest in school activities decreases and they pay less attention in class.

What should we keep in mind?

Not all children suffer the break in the same way, each child will experience it in a different way and with different intensity, since there are a number of variables that can increase the risk of emotional maladjustment.

It is necessary to eliminate conflict and maintain a positive co-parenting relationship so that children do not suffer long-term negative consequences.

Age determines the capacity of understanding and self-regulation of boys and girls in the face of parental separation. Younger children tend to have behavior problems, and older children tend to have social skills. It is important to remember that mismatches are different for each age group.

Also keep in mind what is the level of parental conflict (before, during and after separation). It is important to remember that it is necessary to minimize the conflict and not to interfere with the children.

The absence of an explanation adapted to the child's age by both parents about what is happening around you can generate anguish, confusion and insecurity.

On the other hand, deteriorating the image of the other parent worsens the situation; children or adolescents have the right to have a good image of their father or mother, to enhance and maintain their emotional adjustment.

Furthermore, when parents lack emotional stability, the negative consequences for their children will be detrimental. That is why it is important to seek support or psychological counseling

Nor should we forget that it is essential that children feel loved by both parents with the freedom to give affection to his father and mother and his extended family. Prevent the relationship with the children or child to one of the parents as well as the extended family (especially grandparents) It violates the rights of children as well as limits the support that the extended family can provide in the present or in the future.

The presence of a new partner is important in the lives of the sons and daughters and it is important that they have a presence in a reasonable time to be present in the life of the son or children. In addition, it should never occupy the space of the father or mother.

Educational discrepancies can terribly affect a child's development. It is important to reduce these differences so that they do not affect the children.

Of course, the gender of the parents does not determine that one has more economic responsibilities than the other, such as caring for the education of their children. Neither parent is better than the other by virtue of being a man or a woman or the one who contributes the most financially.

Different modes of break resolution

The break can be resolved through the courts; however, it is recommended that it be done out of court.

Judicial

It is a judicial decision. The parents choose the contentious route and through their representatives go to court for a judicial decision-maker to resolve the conflict through a sentence (which they are obliged to comply with).

Extrajudicial

The parents, before starting the judicial process, voluntarily go to a family mediation service. The mediator, impartially, helps them reach agreements. Finally, the agreements reached are taken to a public deed.

This is what is called positive co-maternality; family mediation promotes co-motherhood and leads couples to reach more satisfactory agreements for all. Co-parenting is a way of respecting the rights of children and fulfilling their obligations as parents. The exercise of co-parenting obliges both parents to take responsibility and participate in the development of well-being of their sons and daughters under equal conditions.