The 10 pillars for perfect non-verbal communication

The key to being able to connect well with others is to go far beyond words: you have to know how to use good non-verbal communication. And it is that, although we do not realize it, we always communicate with the whole body, not only through letters, words and phrases.

The posture we use, the gestures, the expression on our face... all of this speaks about who we are and what we are feeling, whether we want it or not. Now, we can use this fact to our advantage, or let him betray us by sending an inappropriate message.

Next we will review the keys to using non-verbal communication in the best possible way.

• It may interest you: "The 5 practical keys to master non-verbal language"

Why is non-verbal communication so important?

Keep in mind that communication it is long before the appearance of language. Throughout the evolution of the species through which our ancestors have passed, gestural communication was a tool without which it would have been impossible to pass information to others about your own intentions, what happens in the environment, the presence of dangers, etc.

As language appeared, the transmission of information became more precise, but the importance of non-verbal communication was still there, since it was the pillar on which the use of words and sentences had been built.

So we have evolved to express feelings and emotions through the whole body, and good part of the effectiveness of this form of communication is that much of it is unconscious, being so natural. Sometimes we find it difficult to find the words to express what we think, but the same is not the case with gestures: we use them spontaneously.

• Related article: "Saying without saying: 8 keys to better communicate"

The basics of perfect nonverbal language

Controlling the way in which bodies communicate, both to know more about others and to transmit the information about ourselves that interests us, is something that it can be achieved with practice and knowing some theoretical aspects. You can see the latter below:

1. Control your feet

Many times we pay close attention to how we gesture with our hands and how our interlocutor, but if we lower our gaze a bit we will find another of the key pieces of the non-verbal communication: placement of the legs and feet.

And it is that where they are pointing tells us a lot about what the intentions of the person are. As a general rule, the place where the tips are pointing indicates what the objective is. For example, if they are positioned diagonally and do not “face” where the person they are speaking is, you probably want to avoid that conversation.

2. Adapt to what the other does

Adopting a posture and style of gestures similar to the other person makes it easier to connect with them.

However, avoid “copying” those parts of non-verbal communication that indicate distancing or hostility, focus on the others (for example, depending on each case, the rhythm with which the gesture is made, the degree of inclination of the head, etc.). In this way, the other person will identify more with us.

• You may be interested: "Chameleon effect: when we imitate the other without realizing it"

3. Avoid stiff postures

To facilitate the emergence of a fluid relationship with someone, ensure that non-verbal communication expresses the idea of ​​relaxation and tranquility. This is achieved by maintaining an open posture, with relaxed muscles and without keeping the limbs glued to the trunk.

4. Use the power of your gaze

Controlling your gaze well allows you to regulate dynamics of kindness or domination. In this way it is possible to put a lot of emphasis on what is said, or give a moment for the other person to express their ideas without fear. In addition, looking at it allows you to detect some basic emotions.

5. Contact with oneself reveals information

Touching parts of your own body tells us a lot about what it feels like. Many gestures that are based on touching parts of the faceLike the mouth or nose, they are a sign of protection and defensiveness, a sign that there is something in the environment that causes tension.

6. Look at the spaces

Non-verbal communication consists not only of gestures and movements, but also of the space that people around them maintain. This aspect of non-verbal communication is called proxemics..

Looking at these spaces and knowing how to control it indicates who feels most vulnerable and who feels so powerful that it invades the territory of others.

7. Maintain consistency

It is very important not to generate ambiguities in what you express through non-verbal communication. That is why it is necessary that your body does not send contradictory signals. If you want to transmit tranquility, do it with your whole body: do not relax the muscles of the face while contracting the biceps to bring your arms closer to the front of the body.

8. Analyze the smiles

Smiles have a very important social role, since they allow to create moments of harmony and camaraderie. However, they are often used out of compromise, and this is something that you should be able to detect in order to know the person's state of mind.

To know if a smile has been sincere, it is enough to analyze if crow's feet have appeared on the sides of the eyes, you leave them have lowered a bit and if teeth are showing. If these signs do not appear, the smile is fake.

9. Use active listening

It is important to send signals that you are paying attention to what the other person is saying. This is called active listening, and it is based on the idea that you should give constant feedback about the impressions that the information that the interlocutor reveals to you is giving you. Nodding, for example, or signaling approval with other parts of the body (without interrupting the other's speech) is essential.

• Related article: "Active listening: the key to communicating with others"

10. Discard sudden movements

Quick and dry movements denote nervousness and lack of control. Avoid them to allow the other person to trust you more and open up more.

The importance of practice

Many of the keys to controlling non-verbal communication are learned much better when, starting from a theoretical foundation, we begin to put them into practice. Each person and situation is unique, and that is why it is sometimes difficult to recognize the styles in which each one expresses those non-verbal communication patterns discussed here.

Thus, practicing and "training" in real time is essential. to become skilled in the art of mastering the communication of bodies.