The 30 signs of psychological abuse in a relationship

In my consultations, when I observe indications that a situation of psychological abuse and excitesI usually use a series of questions that I have them take home for homework.

The goal is for my patients to assess how many items on that list are met, only during the week until the next session. Next to each question, they should write down the situations and dates in which these behaviors occur in order to create a record of the dimensions of the problem.

Identify camouflaged psychological abuse

It is striking that a high percentage of my patients, upon reaching the third or fourth appointment, come with a high degree of anxiety, since they become aware of the situation of psychological abuse in which they find themselves, and lMost of the criteria were assumed as "normal" issues that occur in a relationship.

This is one of the most damaging aspects of psychological abuse: since it is not physical abuse, it is more difficult to detect and identify as something that should not happen in a healthy relationship. That is why it is very necessary to take time to reflect on the extent to which we are experiencing or reproducing forms of psychological abuse.

The 30 signs that your partner may be psychologically abusing you

This is a brief list of types of behavior that serve to identify cases of psychological abuse in a partner. They are posed in the form of questions so that they are more accessible and easy to relate to the experiences of each person.

1. Do you control the money you spend? Do you have to ask your partner for money? Do you ask permission when buying something, either for yourself or for the house?

2. Does it tell you how to dress? If you go in some way that he doesn't like, does he get angry with you for it and you decide to change your clothes? Are there clothes that you no longer wear because you know they don't like you to go like this and you're going to have problems for it?

3. Does he get angry if you spend more time with your friends or family than he considers necessary?

4. Do you have sex even if you don't feel like it because if you don't, it gets angry?

5.  Count the times you do things that you don't feel like doing or with which you do not agree to avoid an argument.

6. Do you control your mobile and yoursocial media?

7. Do you have to inform him of your schedules?

8. Does it downplay your personal or professional achievements?

9. When you do something for your partner, does he thank you or make you feel like it is your obligation?

10. Organize your free time? Do you feel that in leisure time you have to ask him what to spend your time on?

11. When you have a problem, do you minimize it with comments? of the kind: that's nothing, you complain about vice, etc.?

12. When there has been an argument, in most cases you give in even though you are right because he could spend days without talking to you and making you empty?

13. If you have a problem outside the scope of the couple, makes you feel responsible for it?

14. Does it make you feel like you wouldn't know how to move on if you weren't by his side?

15. Do you feel guilty when you get sick?

16. If you are in public, Are you afraid to say what you think in case it brings you consequences with your partner?

17. Do you use the emotional blackmail often to achieve your goals?

18. Does it remind you a thousand times of the mistakes you have made?

19. Have you stopped telling your relationship problems to your environment because you know that if he found out he would be angry?

20. Are you afraid to say some things to him because you know that his reaction may be disproportionate?

21. Do you notice that when someone else does the same thing, they value it more positively than if you do it?

22. Do you feel uncomfortable if someone of the opposite sex looks at you just in case your partner noticed and it could be the cause of another argument?

23. Do you feel that you need their approval in everything you do, or even think?

24. Has the way he addresses you changed by becoming imperative?

25. Do you feel that you cannot be yourself when you are with your partner?

26. Linked to the previous one, do you feel that even without it being there, when you want to be yourself you think that maybe it bothers you and you stop doing the things you wanted?

27. Treats you like your parent instead of your partner?

28. Are important decisions made without taking your opinion into account?

29. Does it make you doubt your abilities?

30. Are you afraid?

Consequences of emotional and psychological abuse

Once the task is done, and once in consultation, I value with the victims the consequences of this psychological abuse, which are usually these:

• Physical discomfort
• Low self-esteem
• Loss of social relationships leading on many occasions to isolation
• Feeling of having stopped being the person that I was
• Stress
• Anxiety
• Depressed mood
• Sleep pattern disturbances 
• Feeding problems
• Addiction to different types of substances (notably benzodiazepines and alcohol)
• Laziness and carelessness in physical appearance
• Irritability
• Apathy
• Feelings of helplessness and worthlessness
• Indecision
• Unsafety
• Emotional dependence
• Outbursts of anger directed at other people
• Sexual loss of appetite
• Feelings of shame and guilt
• Feeling weak
• Difficulty in making decisions
• Culpability
• Coping mechanisms based on flight
• Feelings of inferiority

In turn, these effects of psychological abuse cause the climate within the couple relationship to continue to worsen even more, which has serious consequences for the victim.

Raising awareness to be able to abandon the dynamics of abuse

The first step in dealing with psychological abuse is knowing how to identify its signs, something difficult since they are dynamic, they do not occur from one day to the next and they are subtle signals that we hardly notice.

The intention of this article is to be able to become aware of it, and if we feel identified to be able to break with the emotional dependence that generates us. The first step is to be able to identify the existence of psychological abuse to assume the idea that very drastic changes have to take place.

It may interest you: "The causes and effects of Gender Violence"