Unwanted loneliness: what is it and how can we combat it

The unwanted loneliness It is a psychological discomfort that affects many people, and that often appears in psychotherapy sessions. Let's see what it consists of.

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What is unwanted loneliness?

Unwanted loneliness is the feeling that part of the population experiences in which they have the perception of not having support or someone to count on.

This does not imply that those who experience it have to be physically isolated, but rather that despite being in contact with other people, they do not feel covered by them, which generates a clinical discomfort significant and a deterioration in the quality of life.

A person may decide to isolate himself voluntarily from the rest of society, but unlike unwanted loneliness, in these cases this isolation is actively sought, and it does not generate discomfort.

By itself, unwanted loneliness does not constitute a diagnosis, but there is usually comorbidity (appearance of 2 disorders simultaneously) with other disorders such as depression, anxiety disorders, personality disorders or borderline disorder the personality.

What causes it?

It is not a monofactorial cause, it is usually generated as a result of the union of different risk factors that end up leading to this loneliness.

Some of these factors could be social skills problems, since if someone does not know how to relate, it will be difficult for them to generate a social circle in which to feel supported.

Another factor that stands out on many occasions is age, since, unfortunately too often, older people are becoming isolated of their environment because it is more difficult for them to establish contact with each other, death of friends and family. Changes in your environment such as going to a residence, loss of family visits... All this causes the person to see their social roots more and more weakened.

Finally, another factor that must be taken into account is geographical mobility, since When changing residence, relationships that are often weakened are left behind And it can be difficult to maintain and at the same time, it is very difficult to establish new relationships.

What are the consequences?

Many times can lead to anxiety, depression, self-esteem problems, fear of facing social situations... All of this can occur to a greater or lesser extent, but what is evident is that it generates deep frustration and negative feelings that end up spreading to other areas of the person's life.

In addition to the consequences that we have discussed before, this loneliness can try to be replaced with behaviors that are harmful to health such as drug use or other addictions, can increase the risk of suicide, criminal and antisocial behavior.

On the other hand, in recent years it has been seen that there is a relationship between unwanted loneliness and the chances of suffering from Alzheimer's.

Who usually gets it?

Apart from the elderly What other profiles tend to suffer from unwanted loneliness?

There is no single profile, since, although it is true that people tend to think mainly of older people, the whole of society is exposed to this risk. Starting with the smallest, in which if you do not have an adequate social education and opportunities interacting with their peers and having reference and attachment figures, they could suffer from loneliness not desired.

The stage of adolescence is well known as a time of change, and sometimes of detachment from the family to turn to friends. This leads to the risk that if this evolution is not managed well can result in a void not feeling integrated with one or the other.

In addition, both in adolescence and in adulthood, social media is a huge frustration factor, since we think that they unite us and avoid loneliness, but they tend to generate superficial relationships and to a great extent promote social comparison. This is because the "best version" is shown and it can generate a bias in the person who receives this information, believing that "he is less sociable" than his environment.

Has it increased in recent years? Why?

This possible perception of loneliness has always existed, but it has been increased by the use of social networks and by the current pace of life that does not allow us to establish such intense social relationships, since stress means that we hardly have time to relate in a meaningful way.

The truth is that we are going to a worrying reality, in which our routine and the exacerbated use of new technologies, the speed at which everything is going... it is preventing us from socializing as we should.

How do new technologies influence the feeling of loneliness?

Although they can have a positive influence, since they allow to maintain or create relationships, the truth is that new technologies also do it In a very negative way, because it seems to us that everyone has many friends to go out with, we can fall into comparisons and feel very isolated. On the other hand, we have all been in meetings where people look at their cell phones instead of the one in front of them. These acts are isolating us.

How can you combat this emotional isolation?

In any profile, it is important to assess whether there really is a social network, not necessarily a very large one, and whether, despite the fact that it exists, the person continues to feel alone.

In our clinic Mariva Psychologists, in Valencia, we make an adequate evaluation of the experience of each patient, since this feeling of loneliness may be a symptom of some other psychological disorder. Based on what has been evaluated, you can work on people's thoughts and behaviors.

For example, if I think that I am alone and that is not real, it will be necessary to see why I think it, what expectations I have, since if I want to have a social plan every day, Maybe I have unrealistic expectations, or if I don't have a social support network, I can start looking for activities and training social tools to be able to create it.

On the other hand, if we talk about this loneliness being a symptom of an anxiety disorder, depression, self-esteem problems... it must be treated as a global whole in psychological therapy.

• You may be interested: "How to overcome loneliness: 5 keys to break isolation"

How to help?

If we detect that someone in our environment may feel lonely, as in the case of older people, we have to try to express our affection to a greater extent and suggest places to go where you can be related. Remember that we are social beings and that, if we do not see this need covered, we do not feel well.