How to manage Christmas before the death of a loved one

Christmas is coming; When I am on my way to the clinic in Marqués del Turia, I see that Valencia begins to decorate itself, to fill itself with lights, ornaments, colors and joy.

Christmas is par excellence the time of year of peace and happiness, to get together as a family to celebrate. However, for some people who have just lost a loved one, it can be a very painful time of year. Everything we have around us invites us to have fun, to celebrate, to share joy, and yet for whom have suffered a loss recently, this party atmosphere contrasts with the sadness felt and the pain suffers. Even people who are religious experience a great contradiction when celebrating the birth of Christ and the death of a loved one, it is a difficult time without a doubt.

For this reason, these parties represent a great challenge for these people who, given the memories and the heightened emotions, they feel very sad about that loss and they also have feelings of culpability.

Some of my patients tell me that Laughing, having a good time, or enjoying a celebration generates a great feeling of guilt

and constantly confronted feelings. During Christmas, it is very common for this feeling of guilt and feeling bad to appear, because everything invites us to celebrate and enjoy as a family. If you or a family member or friend of yours are going through this situation, I would like to explain to you that there are some guidelines so that you can manage the Christmas period in a more pleasant way.

• Related article: "Grief: coping with the loss of a loved one"

Guidelines for managing Christmas before the death of a loved one

Here are some tips to help us get through the grief phase when we grieve for the loss of a loved one.

1. Talk and plan as a family what you are going to do

The first thing I would like to recommend is that if it is a direct family member, do a family meeting to plan the parties, which celebrations are going to be held and which are not, in the event that you do not want to do some, and agree on everything in family.

2. Let yourself be loved by others

Even if you are empty or empty try to appreciate the affection that other people give you, and open your heart.

• You may be interested: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

3. Let yourself go and enjoy these dates and the rest of the family, they need you too

Let yourself be carried away by the spirit of Christmas, peace and love, even if it seems hard on the one hand, on the other, it is a a good scenario to face the loss, and go through that grief that we all have to go through when a family member let. What better than to do it as a family, in company, remembering him, and gradually overcoming the loss of him.

4. Create a reminder

Another guideline that works for many people is remind the person who has left with a symbol. For example, put a candle, frame a nice photo that we have of the person and put it in a visible place during all Christmas, put an ornament on the Christmas tree that reminds us of the person, make a photo album and share it with the family during these days, etc.

5. Don't avoid the topic

On many occasions, naming the person is avoided because it hurts to talk about them, but it is beneficial to remember it, especially on these dates. For example, before dinner, you can say a few words, or ask for a toast, or perform a special action for that person, such as having a mass in their honor, for example.

6. Do not feel bad about laughing, enjoying with family or friends

Surely that person who has left would want you to enjoy these moments and that you will remember it with joy.

7. Adapt this process to your needs

Despite all this I say, first of all you have to understand that each one needs their own grieving process, their timesEither one way or another. There are people who need to cry and others do not, there are people who need to express their feelings and other people do not need it, or cannot, or decide to do it at another time.

Above all, each one has to respect himself, and be patient with his own feelings. Little by little everything will return to its normal course, but you have to give yourself time. In some cases, yes, grief becomes an insurmountable process by oneself, and the help of a professional is needed. Please feel free to contact me if you have questions or need more information. A psychology professional can help you overcome stages that you may not be able to face alone.

I hope I've helped.