How to mediate a conflict between friends: 10 useful tips

Friendly relationships are not always on good terms; It is common that at times there are moments of tension between friends. Sometimes it can happen that some of our friends fight and we have to mediate so that the situation does not transcend too much.

In this article we will see how to mediate a conflict between friends, preventing the friendship bond from deteriorating to the point that it affects the other members of the group. We will learn to recognize our emotions and those of others, in order to manage them properly and provide good sense.

• Related article: "The 12 types of friends: what are yours like?"

How to help resolve conflicts between friends?

In the following lines you will find some effective and recommended ways to know how to mediate a conflict between close friends.

1. Identify the problem

The main thing we must do to resolve conflicts between our friends is be clear about the real reason for your discrepancy; Once we know, we can start looking for the best ways to help resolve the conflict between those involved.

We must be careful with the information of third parties. It is best to talk to your friends and get to understand the points of view of each of them, so that your perspective is as objective and reliable as possible. When you have discussed the situation with your friends, you can draw your own conclusions from the matter.

2. Make them understand that there are ways to solve conflicts

You have to give your friends the necessary tools so that they can face their situation in a more appropriate way.

Some people have in mind that the only way to deal with differences is through aggressiveness and violence; they are not very tolerant of frustration. Talking to each of them individually, you will have to explain what are the other ways of solving an existing conflict. For example, assertive communication, respect for the opinions of others, acceptance between people despite the differences they may have, etc.

3. Invite them to tell you how they feel about it.

Ask your friends how they feel about the situation. In this way you will give them the opportunity to reflect on the behavior they are having, and they will be more likely to realize their mistakes and want to correct them. They will probably ask you for advice to solve the situation with the other people involved.

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4. Avoid taking sides

It is important that you always remain impartial during your purpose to reconcile the parties involved in the conflict. If not, instead of calming things down between your friends, you could escalate the personal squabble even more. The best thing is that you show them that you can accept the points of view of both without taking sides.

The example that you can give them regarding how you deal with the situation, and how you are able to remain impartial between them, turns out to be ua fundamental contribution to make them overcome their differences and become good friends again. Many times people learn more by example than by words.

5. Avoid forcing reconciliation

Something that is totally contrary to the intention that we have to make our friends reconcile in a good way is to try to do this process in a hasty and forced way. It is advisable understand that maybe your friends need a reasonable time to reflect about what might have happened.

Do not try to get them together without their consent to talk, this can end in an awkward situation for everyone, and then it will be even more difficult for your friends to want to see each other again. Remember that nothing that is forced brings good results.

6. Ask them how they would go about resolving the conflict

Through this question you're giving your friends a chance to accept that they want to fix things with the other people, and a planning process will begin in your mind aimed at resolving any conflict between them.

It is important that you give them the right ideas so that they can act in the best possible way.

7. Make them see the good in other people

It is common that during fights people only focus on the negative aspects of the other, and even magnify them.

Your role as a friend mediator of the conflict will be to recognize and reduce the biases that exist between the parties involved, so that they can remember the positive things of each of them.

8. Suggest to meet them to clarify things

Forcing a situation is not the same as making a suggestion; we must take this into account to avoid misunderstandings. What we should look for is that our friends are willing to meet in person to talk about their conflict and why it has arisen. Thus, each person will have room for maneuver to establish her preferences and make her decisions. Without freedom, reconciliation is not possible, only the appearance of normality can occur.

9. Understand the motives of each

Even though you want your friends to reconcile, you should also keep in mind that they may have their personal reasons for deciding to distance themselves from some people. We cannot pretend that because we are still friends with someone our other friends also have to be friends, and we should not ridicule their decisions.

10. Respect final decisions

In case we have failed to try everything in our power to make our friends will overcome their differences and resume their friendship, we must accept their decisions personal and avoid taking a pushy stance about changing their minds. Each person is the owner of their decisions, and we must not forget that no one is obliged to continue investing efforts in a relationship, be it friendship, love or business. Although technically any conflict can come to an end, that does not mean that striving for final reconciliation is the best way to spend your time.

Bibliographic references:

• Charlton, R.; Dewdney, M. (2004). The Mediator's Handbook. Skills and Strategies for Practitioners. Toronto: Thomson Reuters.
• Haynes, J.M. (2012). Fundamentals of family mediation: A Practical Manual for mediators México C.F.: Gaia Ediciones.
• Noaks, J. & Noaks, L. (2009). School-based peer mediation as a strategy for social inclusion. Pastoral Care in Education. 27 (1): pp. 53 - 61.
• Parselle, C. (2005) The Complete Mediator. New York: Weisberg Publications.