The epidemic of loneliness, and what we can do to combat it

Human beings have a predisposition to feel lonely from time to time, whatever our life, whether we are introverts or extroverts. This is so because we are social animals, and it is very easy that at any given moment we suffer discomfort for not being able to connect with someone as much as we would like. It is normal.

However, the feeling of loneliness can be accentuated by social phenomena, and that is precisely what is happening in recent decades. In fact, since the 1980s the number of Americans who say they have no close friends it has tripled, Y the most common answer to the question "how many real friends do you have?" is "zero".

This trend has also been found in many other countries of a West that, despite having popularized the use of social networks, seems to pose serious problems for its inhabitants when it comes to finding friends faithful. It is a true epidemic of loneliness.

• Related article: "The 10 benefits of having friends, according to science"

Friendship shortage and its psychological effects

The downside of paying so much attention to the number of friends added on Facebook is that it is very easy to stop paying attention to the quality of these relationships. In this sense, it is not surprising that despite the fact that last year the average number of friends that each user had in their Facebook profile is around 330, most Americans say they have at most a single confident.

Why has this epidemic of loneliness appeared? It should be borne in mind that the criticisms that are often made about smartphones and social networks as culprits for this are not very well founded. They may help to make up this problem of lack of contact between people, but they are not at its root. in fact, possibly what happened has to do with the development of a way of thinking, and not so much with a habit of technological consumption.

This way of thinking that isolates us more from the rest and makes us frequent the warm waters of the loneliness is individualism and, fundamentally, the idea that you have to stand out above the the rest. The reason for this is that it makes us enter a logic according to which personal relationships are an instrument.

• You may be interested: "The 12 types of friends: what are yours like?"

The epidemic of loneliness and individualism

Imagine that you are a person whose main goal is gain power so you can stand out from the crowd.

Advertisements sell you beauty ideals that you can use to distinguish yourself from the rest. Leisure services constantly tempt you with the concept of exclusivity, which basically means that little people can access it, as if that talks about the value of their product (and by extension your value as a consumer of this). Business training plans talk about the importance of teaming, but ultimately what they sell is the Need to be your own boss and improve yourself overcoming obstacles (whatever they may be) to carve out a good future for yourself. And the dominant discourse on the Internet geared towards young people, of course, is that the important thing is to be visible, to be relevant.

Now ask yourself if with that mental frame you would not mix a good part of your personal and informal relationships with that project of accumulation of power. A project that, on the other hand, does not aim to create good living conditions, but to have the ability to control one's own life to avoid being harmed from the outside. In individualism, even the goal we set for ourselves is part of the individualistic mindset.

All of these aspects of individualism lead us to the same conclusion: life may be an exciting place in the future, but in the present what you have to experience is a prudent solitude. Nobody watches over anyone and there are no ties of solidarity because everyone tries to squeeze their lives from the resources they have access to. Faced with this constant emergency situation, building genuine friendships is something that does not make sense.

• You may be interested: "Loneliness can increase the risk of death"

What to do to better connect with others?

Of course, not everyone is extremely individualistic, but that does not mean that we get infected with this philosophy when it comes to developing lifestyle habits. The simple fact of living in a world in which this way of thinking is publicized makes us imitate its precepts, even if we only believe them to a certain extent. Simply, everyone does.

Interestingly, this simple fact already gives us a clue about what we can do to combat the epidemic of loneliness: lifting that veil of appearances and rejecting the imposition of individualism collectively and solidarity. How to do it? Although it may sound unglamorous, a good option is to show our own vulnerabilities to others.

Proving that we really believe in a philosophy of life based on the bonds of friendship and solidarity, authentic shatters the idea that "life is a jungle." It may cost at first (all small personal and collective revolutions do), but the fruits of this can be very sweet as we see how, little by little, others begin to look at us beyond the illusion of distrust.