How to develop Emotional Intelligence in children

For years intelligence as a concept has been accepting different meanings. Until not long ago, intelligence was only evidenced as something related to logic, the ability to learn, verbal and mathematical reasoning.

But it has long been considered that intelligence implies much more, including the abilities to understand what we feel and other aspects related to emotions and sociability.

• Related article: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

What do we understand by Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability that people have when it comes to understanding our emotions, as well as those of others. The ability to manage them, self-control, empathy, as well as the ability to recognize those emotions, learn what triggers them and when others are feeling them.

In fact, Emotional Intelligence covers much more and also includes aspects such as knowing how to react to other people's emotions.

Many times we focus on our daughters being able to learn and develop their full intellectual potential

at the level of theoretical concepts, but we forget something important, and it is the emotional and social aspect. In fact, the emotional abilities of the little ones are something fundamental, since if they are enhanced and develop correctly it will allow them to better cope with situations of frustration, difficulty, uncertainty, etc.

Emotional skills allow them to be able to manage their own emotions and direct them towards their goals.

How to help develop Emotional Intelligence in children?

Below you will find some techniques and recommendations to be able to apply them at home and help boost the emotional development of your sons or daughters.

1. Recognize emotions

Where do we start? It seems logical that if what we want is to improve the ability in emotional terms, the first thing we must do is "recognize the emotions". So to begin it is important that we label the emotions. Today there are numerous visual resources that make this task easier for children. For example, we can use books, virtual games, etc.

To recognize an emotion it is important to understand what that emotion is, define it, as well as explain what we feel on a physical level when we have it. For example, to explain anger we could say: we feel it when we see that there is a threat or something that can annoy us, when we do not like something or when we believe that someone is not acting well.

We can accompany this with a brief explanation by way of sensations and behaviors: when we get angry we feel our whole body tense, we frown, our nose wrinkles, we tend to speak louder ...

2. Manage emotions

Once we have learned what emotions are and we know how to identify them it is important that we explain to the person how they can act after feeling them. For example, when we get angry we can act in many ways: break things, attack someone, calm down, breathe, try to leave the place, etc.

It is important to explain to the child in what ways she can manage each emotion, and learn the consequences of each option, as well as teach you alternative ways of acting when we see that he has not managed the situation well.

An exercise we can do is to expose him to different social situations and ask what he would do in that situation Or explain it through characters and try to explain what that character can do to manage her emotion.

For example: Alberto has met with his friend Inés so that she can return a book that she had lent him. When Inés arrives she tells him that her book got wet and some of her pages can no longer be read. How do you think Alberto will feel? What do you think she could do to her in this situation? What will you say to Inés?

Is about propose social situations to them in which they must reason about emotions and different behavioral alternatives.

On the other hand, there are different techniques to self-regulate our emotions and we can teach them to apply them at home. For example, some of these techniques are used mainly to regulate anger, such as the turtle technique and the traffic light technique. Both use metaphors and stories to explain how to stop when angry, calm down and later express what we feel or state what we want.

3. Empathy

Empathy is the ability we have to understand the emotions in others and put ourselves in their situation. It is very important for subsequent social relationships as it allows you to connect more easily with others.

It is normal that when children are younger they go through a stage of "selfishness" and it is difficult for them to get into it. instead of others, but if we use strategies to foster empathy it will develop more ease.

One of the strategies is to explain stories of different characters where the person appears but also friends and / or family and he should try to detect how others will feel and why.

For example: Your father asks you to clean the room because your cousins ​​are coming to visit. You are focused on a video game and in the end you ignore it. When you return to your room your father sees that she is not collected. How will your father feel? How will you feel?

4. Emotional expression

Once we have learned to recognize emotions, to regulate them and even to understand that of others, it is important that we also take a step further: learn to communicate and express them.

It is of little use to understand my emotions if later I cannot explain to someone how I feel and why. In order to develop this skill, it is not only important that children have role models, but that will also greatly facilitate their learning.

If as parents we get used to talking openly about our emotions, expressing them and doing it properly, it will be easier for our sons and daughters to copy those behaviors.

On the other hand, an exercise we can do to achieve this goal is to explain what words to use to express what we feel. For example: When you... I feel... After telling me that, I have felt... I wish that when I... your...

The role of fathers and mothers is key

Finally, we want to highlight the importance that parents exercise at all times in this learning process. The little ones copy the behaviors of the environment, and therefore, if we want them to develop their emotions in the best way, we must try to be adequate models of emotional expression and management.

Sometimes these strategies are enough, and with their own parenting skills and those of the little ones, emotional skills will be improved. But at other times this does not happen and requires extra help or certain more specific guidelines. If that's your case, you can get in touch with us and our psychologists and psychologists will offer you the necessary resources and guidelines.