Depression due to breakup: what is it, symptoms, causes and what to do

Living as a couple is an experience that can be extremely rewarding. However, love and relationships are also complex, and it is likely that on more than one occasion things will not work out and the relationship will finally come to an end.

The end of a relationship is something that usually generates great pain and sadness, to the point that often people report having depression from the breakup. But, although the experience is obviously not (as a general rule) rewarding and similar symptoms are common... is there really a breakup depression? Why is it usually considered as such? Can depression arise for this reason? How to try to fight it? Let's see it throughout this article.

• Related article: "How to overcome a break of couple?"

Major depression

Before entering to assess the possible affective reactions that may arise after suffering a love breakup, it is worth mentioning first of all what we are talking about when we refer to a depression. This is necessary, since normative reactions or even states of mood in which sadness abounds but does not meet the criteria to become a true depression.

It is called major depression one of the most frequent and prevalent mental disorders worldwide, which is characterized by the presence of a sad mood and / or lack of ability to perceive gratification or pleasure, even from those activities that previously enthused.

In addition to these symptoms, the presence of a strong hopelessness about the future, feelings of guilt and worthlessness (which can even become delusional), extreme passivity, tendency to isolation, sleep problems, loss of appetite and weight, loss of energy and fatigue, physical and mental slowing down, concentration problems, psychomotor agitation and thoughts of death and suicide.

These symptoms, and especially the first two, are present for most of the day, almost every day lasting at least two weeks and cannot be due to substance use or other conditions such as problems psychotic.

Part of these symptoms may arise in response to specific situations, specifically sadness, concentration problems or loss of weight, appetite and sleep. But as a general rule they are not considered part of a major depression unless they exceed the normal reaction for loss, in this case the termination of the relationship.

Depression due to breakup

There is no doubt that a romantic breakup is an experience that can be painful and even traumatic depending on the circumstances that surround it. Especially if it is not by mutual agreement and one of them wants to continue with the relationship. And although the situation is usually very painful for the person left behind, it can also be difficult for the one who leaves. In most cases it generates great sadness, suffering and doubts, as well as a loss of desire to do things and an increase in the tendency to isolate oneself.

Now, keep in mind that there is no "breakdown depression" as a diagnostic label. In fact, although there are reactive depressions to certain events and a sentimental breakup can come To be a trigger for a major depression, in most cases what we experience is a grieving process.

Namely, mostly we are facing something normal and not pathological, since we have just suffered a loss of something that we had up to now and that was in principle important to us. And said grief may require a long process to reach the acceptance of said rupture, in which it can go through different phases.

In this sense, it is usual that after the breakup, in the first place, a stage of denial of the new situation is passed, in which we don't experience any emotional reaction to the breakup because we just didn't process it as real.

Later, a phase of anger arising from frustration may appear, in which rage and guilt may appear towards oneself or towards the other person, or it can even be directed towards the rest of the world even if it has nothing to do with the situation.

A phase of negotiation may appear, of searching for alternatives at the mental level, of thinking what could have changed the situation so that the rupture did not occur or even attempts to recover the person.

After that would come the depressive phase, which would be the one that the population most commonly considers as "breakdown depression": in this phase it is possible that we experience sadness, lack of desire to do things, fatigue and apathy, ruminative thoughts about the other person, sleep problems or lack of appetite.

Finally, the last phase would be the acceptance: in it little by little we end up processing and accepting that we will have to live our life without the other person being in it as a couple. Over time the pain of the break subsides and with it the energies are recovered and the duel is overcome.

It is convenient let some time pass before seeing our ex again, so that we can separate what this person means to us (if the break was positive, it is possible to maintain certain relationship and even being friends again, although it is recommended that this is not attempted until much later) than once It was.

When does this disorder appear?

Although as we have said in most cases we are facing a normative process of mourning, typical of the loss of the type of relationship we had with that person, the truth is that there are times when we can go on to develop a real depression. This occurs when the grieving process does not end, so that those who suffer it cannot reach the acceptance phase and overcome their discomfort.

Specifically, we would be talking about a reactive or situational depression, or an adjustment disorder with depressive features (although it can also present with anxiety or in a mixed way), in which symptoms are manifested depressive and / or anxious derived from a specific experience that we are not able to overcome and without which the problem will not would exist.

This alteration generates great dysfunctionality in different areas. In fact, the picture could end up becoming a major depression, becoming a trigger for it.

Although determining an approximate date to overcome a duel is somewhat artificial (we each have our own rhythm to get over things), we can suspect the existence of a depression caused by the breakup when after this event our mood is sad most of the day of most days, we suffer from severe sleep disturbances (insomnia or excessive sleepiness), slowed speech and thinking, low self-esteem, and hopelessness about the future.

The presence of cognitive distortions that perpetuate discomfort and include an aversive view of oneself, the world, and the future, feelings of worthlessness, inability to make decisions or carry out the activities of the day a day, avoidance of discomfort and pain caused by the rupture (sometimes with extreme or compulsive behaviors, such as compulsive search for sexual intercourse or drug use), extreme isolation and / or thoughts of death and suicide, among others.

Although many of these alterations also occur during grief, it will be in depression when they are most extreme, intense and accentuated. In addition, in depression these symptoms do not subside over time but remain, or you can even see how they intensify as time passes.

To do? Guidelines for Overcoming Sadness

Overcoming the pain of the breakup has its process and it must be respected, but in this development we can incorporate different types of strategies to prevent psychological pain from becoming chronic or that the grief turns into something more serious and even depression.

Try to do enjoyable activities

When we are depressed or even during periods of grief, it is normal that the desire to do things can be reduced. Now, even if it costs us, we must force ourselves to seek rewards and things that motivate us. If necessary, something apparently as simple as taking a walk looking for a single stimulus or positive element to remember.

We can also try to explore and discover new places and activities. That the other person is not in our life does not mean that we cannot enjoy it.

Lean on yours and avoid isolating yourself

Another common element when we are sad or depressed is the tendency to isolate or want to be alone. The truth is that this can be quite harmful, since perpetuates the feeling of abandonment and loneliness and makes it difficult to overcome the break. It is much more advisable to allow yourself to lean on those around you. It is also important to be able to vent and express our feelings, doubts and fears (now, without doing it constantly or otherwise it can generate rejection).

Eat and sleep

Lack of sleep and sufficient nutrients makes recovery much more difficult, both in depression due to emotional breakdown and in any other psychological alteration of mood.

Even if we don't have an appetite, we should try to force ourselves to eat in a healthy and balanced way. When it comes to sleeping, it is recommended try to plan the moments of sleep and prepare a scenario that allows us to relax. The practice of relaxation techniques is also recommended

Value your thoughts, beliefs and demands

When a relationship breaks down, different types of beliefs and thoughts can arise. It is advisable to try to review them objectively, without evaluating them and without judging them. It is also useful ask if there is any alternative interpretation.

Aspects such as what it means to have a partner, what we demand of others and of ourselves (sometimes we have excessive and unrealistic self-demands or demands) and what self-image we have are elements to analyze.

Don't avoid the pain

A common mistake that most of us make in these types of situations is trying to avoid the pain we feel, often actively.

While distraction can be helpful at certain times, the truth is that it is actually much more efficient to allow yourself to feel pain and discomfort in such a way. that the situation can be processed both cognitively and emotionally. On the other hand, it is not about enjoying oneself and congratulating oneself in pain (something that would also be harmful), but about allowing oneself to feel suffering and not denying it.

Do sports

Sport is a very healthy practice, which has also been useful to help combat mood symptoms. A useful strategy would be to try to increase the level of exercise we do, something that in the long run generates an increase in endorphins that can help us get out of discomfort.

Seek professional help

Although a grief generally does not need professional treatment, if it becomes chronic and especially if it turns into depression, it may be necessary. ask for help from a psychotherapy specialist.

It may be beneficial to follow some type of therapy or psychological treatment in which aspects such as the self-esteem, the practice of pleasant activities or the modification of cognitive biases and dysfunctional beliefs, among others. Sometimes it may also be necessary to have a prescription by a psychiatrist for some kind of antidepressant or anxiolytic, although rather as a support in the process and not as a sole treatment in Yes.

• You may be interested: "How to find a psychologist to attend therapy: 7 tips"

Bibliographic references:

• Martell, C. et al. (2010). Behavioral activation for depression. The Guilford Press.
• Weissman, M., Markowitz, J. and Klerman, G. (2000). Comprehensive Guide to Interpersonal Psychotherapy. Basic Books.