How can a psychologist help me if I am unfaithful?

Infidelity is behind many of the reasons why people go to the psychologist. Both in the individualized sessions and in the attention to couples, the fact of breaking with the commitment on which the relationship is based It is part of those elements that greatly deteriorate personal and affective relationships, and that can even leave sequels emotional

However, many times the focus is solely on how they can overcome the infidelity or the victim of it (the person who has been cheated on in their love relationship) or the relationship as a whole, in case there has not been a breaking off. Here we are going to focus on how we work from psychology to help people with a tendency to infidelityregardless of whether they are currently in a relationship or not.

• Related article: "The 9 types of infidelity and their characteristics"

What do we understand by infidelity?

Infidelity is the fact break the commitment of sexual and / or affective exclusivity in the framework of a love relationship. Each relationship establishes what infidelity is and is not, but that does not mean that it cannot occur in polyamorous relationships. As a general rule, in practice, being unfaithful implies either maintaining intimate sexual relationships with people outside the relationship, or getting involved in another love relationship breaking with the commitment of a relationship previous.

That is, in most cases, it is established that it is not necessary to have sex or kiss for infidelity occurs (although as we have seen, this depends on the pact that exists between both parts).

Possible causes of infidelity

Infidelity is a complex psychological phenomenon in which personal characteristics and predispositions as well as the type of bond play a role established with the other person in the relationship and even the context in which both coexist people. Of course, that does not mean that no one has the responsibility of committing or not committing infidelity, much less that the person who has been unfaithful is responsible for what happened; however, it must be borne in mind that in the vast majority of cases there is not a single cause, but several causes and triggers combined.

Some of these common causes of infidelity are as follows:

• Lack of communication in the sexual sphere of the couple relationship, which leads to dissatisfaction.
• Mismanagement of conflicts: the search for infidelity as a method of “revenge”, underestimating the damaging impact that this has on the relationship.
• Tendency to self-deception: frequent in those who prefer to leave the meaning of "infidelity" open.
• Search for immediate satisfaction to alleviate certain forms of suffering.

As we have seen, infidelity it is not always produced plain and simple to make the most of opportunities for immediate sexual satisfaction that life offers; there are cases in which whoever commits them suffers. But that does not mean that you are not making your partner a victim of infidelity, nor that it is justified or even desirable behavior as a way to manage emotions.

On the other hand, this multi-causal nature of infidelity means that the best way to end this pattern of behavior is by going to the psychologist, since in this type of services the specific case is explored and the main causes of what happens are identified, which are unique in each person. However, beyond this kind of psychological intervention programs, there are some strategies that in general can help those who have detected a predisposition to commit infidelities and look for a way to change in this regard to be able to maintain functional relationships and stable.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"

How do you work in psychology to help people not to be unfaithful?

There are many techniques and strategies that are used by psychologists when intervening in people with a predisposition to be unfaithful. These are some of the most important.

1. Detection of troublesome thoughts

In the psychologist's office, work is done to "train" people to quickly identify ideas and thoughts that come to mind that can precipitate infidelity. This involves becoming familiar with the forms of self-deception and knowing in advance the situations in which these temptations may appear.

2. Increased ability to enjoy sexuality as a couple

It is also possible to provide several strategies to enjoy sex within the couple relationship, so there is much less incentive to infidelity. This includes achieving a greater connection and attunement with the other person, improving communication and losing the fear of certain taboo subjects.

3. Improved social skills

Some people tend to be unfaithful because have few resources to connect with others outside the realm of sexuality.

If the person develops better social skills, they can be applied beyond their relationship and will be able to establish Viable friendship bonds in the medium and long term, so that it will make less sense to use sequential sexual encounters to combat the loneliness.

4. Emotion management and impulse control techniques

Here several procedures are grouped to teach the person not to give in to her impulses (linked to the here and now) at the cost of sacrificing their values ​​and their medium and long-term goals. They have a lot to do with modulation of attention focus and self-motivation.

Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?

If you want to overcome the problem of the tendency to be unfaithful, please contact me; I am an expert psychologist in cognitive-behavioral psychology, a very effective intervention model for help people change their behavior patterns and the management of their emotions and impulses. I offer sessions both in person in my office in Madrid and online by video call.