Emotional emptiness: the feeling that something is missing

"I have everything and I don't lack anything but I feel empty inside." This is one of the phrases that I hear the most in consultation and surely this thought has haunted your head more than once.

What is this kind of emotional emptiness due to?

"I feel empty inside"

Beyond the most basic material needs there are many others that, at some point, can cause discomfort if they are not satisfied. This vacuum could be likened to the shape of a deep black hole located in our stomach or chest. We could feel it the same as when we look into a well and we only see darkness and we are not able to see the bottom.

It is a void that becomes a very painful sensation and a great feeling of lonelinessAnd it is that you feel that there is something you need to feel complete, but that you may not know what it is, and that something is a need for affection and approval.

On the other hand, one of the most damaging aspects of this situation is the difficulties it generates when identifying the cause of the discomfort. Not knowing where to direct our efforts to improve the situation can turn this experience into something of despair and unease.

• You may be interested: "Emotional stagnation: when nothing seems to change"

Fight the emotional emptiness

Many people combat this void in different ways thinking that this way they can be completed. Some begin to exercise excessively, others increase their alcohol consumption, some people find themselves putting in more hours than normal at work; some gorge themselves on food and others begin to have a great deal of sexual intercourse, in search to find that person who can fill that emotional void that you feel and that another person has left.

This last behavior would make mention of the popular saying that we all know of "one nail takes out another nail."

What do I intend to achieve with these behaviors?

Fill the void that I feel. It is true that these resources that one takes help to control that sensation momentarily, as well as anxiety and nervousness, but what is the reality? That emptiness continues to be within us and if we do not work on it in time it can complicate our day to day.

It must be assumed that a good part of the emotional emptiness comes from poor care management. The fact of believing that nothing that is done is significant comes because of an excessive distance from one's own life, as if what happens to us happened in a documentary.

What are we getting from this start-up solution?

What I do is anesthetize this feeling when I connect with it. Let's imagine an inflatable mattress that has been punctured, what we do is fix it with a patch knowing that this solution fast will only last a while and then possibly this patch will peel off and eventually we will have to buy another mattress new. That is, I try to patch my black hole to plug it, but the result is that I get back to where I started.

Psychological problems must be solved from their roots, attending to those dynamics that produce them. It is not enough simply to carry out initiatives based on reflection and introspection.

The causes

The causes of emotional emptiness tend to be several, affecting all at once our expectations and beliefs. Perhaps when you were little you did not receive the affection you needed, or perhaps you experienced many overwhelming fights at home or did not feel that your efforts and results were worth it. Or maybe you experienced a loss or emotional bond that was important to you.

This can lead you, now in adulthood, to have a selfconcept negative of yourself and a need and over-reliance on attention and approval by others. They can be predisposing factors for me to feel this incomplete, empty, and alone. I need the other to form the puzzle, since without him the piece that completes me is missing.

Dissatisfaction in relationships

In consultation I meet patients who are dissatisfied with their relationship with their partner or perhaps with the job that has cost them so much to get, but they cling to it because of the fear of loneliness, in the case of the relationship of partner, or because of the fear of frustration that can be felt when realizing that the job you have always wanted does not fit your expectations. That is, I can have a partner with whom I feel comfortable and who loves me, but perhaps the relationship does not satisfy me and I can feel alone and empty because of it.

It is for this reason that sometimes we look for what we lack in my current relationship in another person, but without being able to disassociate ourselves from our partner. It is important that you take this emptiness as a red flag that something is not right within you and that it does not make you feel whole or allow you to achieve the emotional well-being that you want.

On the other hand, we must not forget that instrumentalizing personal and emotional relationships in this way does not only harm us; He also does it with those who accompany us. That is why giving up these types of dynamics not only frees us from a lot of discomfort, it also benefits other people.

Denial of reality and false expectations

What happen? Many times we look away or turn a deaf ear to this emptiness because we don't want to run into reality why we feel this way, causing great difficulty in maintaining our emotional well-being.

The problem is when we confuse desires with needs, causing yourself that emotional discomfort. What do I mean? When you think that your relationship is so valuable that without it you can never be happy again. Or that if you decide to leave that job that does not meet the expectations you thought, you will never be able to achieve success.

Therefore, I propose an exercise: put aside material solutionsPut on some glasses and a swimsuit and dive inside, to be able to identify what it is that you are not feeling well with and that is causing you that feeling of emptiness. Because it is within us where the key is to achieve our happiness again.

The goal is to make this void smaller and that we can live with him without hurting us. And you ask yourself, but can't it disappear altogether? The answer is no, since everything we live leaves an internal imprint on us, so we all have that little void.

It is important that you take control of this discomfort in order to regulate and manage your emotions. You do not have to go through this alone, you may need help to take this control and we can help you. Remember: it is a courageous and responsible solution to be able to achieve your emotional well-being.

• You may be interested: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"