The 6 habits of strong relationships

Something that experience teaches is that relationships are not based so much on finding the right person as on learning to relate in a healthy way with those who love us. It is unrealistic to think that those courtships that work are those made up of lovers who fit in in all aspects (the myth of the better half); what actually happens is that their habits reinforce that emotional bond every day.

It is not about the essence of each one, it is about the way we interact. For example, even the most intense love fades if it is not communicated, and if coexistence does not serve to express that affection.

So it all depends on our actions, not our identity. But… What are those habits that define strong couples? Let's see it in the next few lines.

• Related article: "The 14 types of couple: how is your romantic relationship?"

From platonic love to real love

What we have to do to lead a smooth and uncomplicated life as a couple passes, precisely, through not to confuse our partner with that platonic love that we have been fantasizing about for years

(many times, even from childhood). Being clear about this, and avoiding essentialisms, is the first step to building a relationship that is worth it. At the end of the day, using someone as a representation of something we want to love even if it does not exist, hurts us both.

This seems very obvious if we see it in writing, but in real life it is more difficult to discern those situations in which we fall into this error. For example, wanting to preferably date people who have very specific physical features is an example of platonic love in A weak version: we like the idea of ​​dating someone with dreadlocks so much that we even use this as a filtering mechanism.

However, once we have understood that the important thing is in the actions and not in the labels, there is still work to be done. In fact, the most important thing is missing: knowing what are those habits that strengthen relationships. Sometimes these customs will already appear naturally in some relationships, while in others it is necessary to make some efforts to implement them.

• Related article: "Platonic love: a guide to love in modern times"

The habits of strong relationships

To maximize the possibilities of developing a relationship, and at the same time allow it to take deep roots, it may be useful to follow the guidelines that you will see below.

1. Symmetry in conversations

For a relationship to flow well it is necessary to talk regularly, since this offers the possibility of peeking through a window to the thoughts of the other and, in short, to know in real time their opinions, fears and hopes, and empathize best. However, this dialogue must be symmetrical. Namely, It is not worth just talking or listening, you have to do both.

It is clear that the exact fit does not exist, and there will always be one person who is more likely to speak than the other; The important thing is to avoid situations in which the role of one of the members of the couple is reduced to that of passive listener, a simple means of venting.

2. Do not give up social life

Forgetting about old friends when you have a partner is common, but that does not mean that it is positive. Going out and having fun in circles of lifelong friends is a perfect way to enrich relationships, since it allows us to know facets of the person we love that were not revealed in the context of courtship or marriage.

On the other hand, locking yourself in a relationship is not positive either, since it facilitates the creation of a mutual dependence: as both people have broken the ties that united them with their friends, the fear that the relationship will end can take control of the situation, since in that case I know would be in a situation of social isolation.

• You may be interested: "The 10 benefits of having friends, according to science"

3. Express love

This is basic. There are people who, because of the way they learn to behave or because of the culture in which they have lived for most of their lives, they tend to avoid expressing what they feel.

In these cases it is usual for them to justify this position thinking that the important thing is that love is something that is carried inside and that is not taught, since doing that would be considered trivial. However, this is a mistake, since the other person does not have access to those "depths" of the mind of the being she loves, no matter how much she is in love.

4. Consistently practice mutual respect

Another of the habits of strong and consolidated relationships has to do with acting accordingly with the level of respect that one feels for the other; neither humor nor “games” justify, for example, the habit of always playing jokes on the other person, or ridiculing the way they express their emotions.

Relationships should be a context in which to be able to communicate emotions and feelings without fear of being judged, and as much as these can be disguised as a "joke" or crude honesty, that does not mean that in practice they serve as an example.

5. Change of scene

All of the above is useless if the body asks to break with monotony and the fact of being with someone anchors us in the same place. Even if we decide to sacrifice that possibility to make the relationship continue on its usual channels, in the end the frustration can overwhelm us.

That is why it is healthy to assume that a relationship is not the usual place where two people interact; it is the interaction itself, regardless of where it occurs. Rejecting that myth according to which life as a couple consists of having a house, a car, a dog and children (as if they were elements of a landscape) is the first step; the second is go on adventures together from time to time and, above all, move.

6. Divide up the household chores

This detail seems banal compared to the rest, but it is not. The belief in the equality of the members of the couple is demonstrated by betting on an equal distribution of household chores, which in the case of heterosexual relationships, usually consist of the woman doing most of them.