How to face and accept the diagnosis of infertility

More and more couples are seeking to become parents and are being diagnosed with infertility. Sometimes, it is accompanied by one or more causes, ovarian reserve problems, endometriosis, problems in morphology, quantity and quality of sperm, genetics... and on other occasions, this diagnosis appears associated with the words “cause of unknown origin”.

With or without specific causes, it generates stress or frustration in the couple when they collide with the plans they had made to start a family and the desire to have a baby.

Facing and accepting the diagnosis of infertility is a difficult task without specialized psychological help. Couples who decide to start with insemination treatments, IVF, ICSI, tests, constant gynecology consultations, urology... They have to face moments of great cost, both financially, emotionally and personally.

• Related article: "Perinatal psychology: what is it and what functions does it perform?"

Psychological keys to manage infertility

These are the psychological keys to not let infertility wear us down emotionally.

1. Not hiding the reason for not having children

Telling what happens to our loved ones helps us to make this process somewhat easier, as well as talking about the emotions that are felt at all times, because no need to spend this moment alone.

It is important to tell what happens to avoid uncomfortable questions from your closest environment. It is not about telling everyone what is happening but about not hiding it, because there is no reason to hide this situation; in fact, doing so leads us to distance ourselves from acceptance and therefore to make the process longer and more painful.

• You may be interested: "Psychology of pregnancy: this is how the mind of the pregnant woman changes"

2. Seeking professional psychological help

It's important to get the tools you need to handle this long and tough process. Both in the face of a better management of emotions, as in helping in the grieving process in the case of abortions or by longing for the baby that never arrives.

That is why it is advisable to go to psychotherapy, the space in which emotional health professionals can give support.

3. Enhances the management of emotions associated with infertility

In the long process of fertility treatment emotions of anger, insecurity, sadness, helplessness, feelings of guilt, frustration are generated, and often the question "Why me?", "Why us?" appears.

If during this process, both at the time of the tests, the results of the tests, the hormonal treatment in the case of women, the commonly called “beta-wait”... there is no specialized psychological help, mood, anxiety, and stress management problems may arise, which influence both the coping and acceptance of the situation and the results of the treatment.

Psychological intervention is specialized in intervention in emotional management and minimizing the effects of stress, process of acceptance of the infertility diagnosis and intervention in the duel.

Grief process in infertility and importance of psychological assistance

When a loved one is lost, we receive the support of our family and friends, we can do a farewell ceremony, her body is veiled. But... What happens when you have that same feeling and you can't do this whole process? What happens when, for example, pregnancies occur, but do not reach term? You can not hug that baby that you long for or with whom you have made so many plans with your partner.

It is very important to carry out a duel with the support of teams of professionals, passing thus through all its phases (shock, anger, negotiation, hopelessness, acceptance and search for alternatives).

Psychological counseling in this case helps to understand and address the emotional consequences. It is very important to overcome all these phases before generating alternatives to the fact of not being able to be mothers / fathers.

By making a correct duel we will be able to reduce feelings of guilt, we will avoid extreme despair or the feeling that "my life will not be the same", physical symptoms of anxiety, uncontrolled anger, difficulties in the functioning of daily life in the face of relationships social, work and referral to possible anxiety or depression disorders associated with this trouble.

How can we help a person with infertility?

We often tell our family or friends who go through this process messages from the type "do not give up", "sure she will come", "when you least expect them she will appear", "relax and She will come ". These types of messages, probably from all our affection, can lead to harm, since we cannot guarantee that that baby will arrive.Therefore, we do not help these people to accept a situation in which it may ultimately lead to not being parents.

At the same time, by saying especially to the woman in this case, "relax and it will come" indirectly we are making her feel even more guilty because we assume that the cause of not getting pregnant is your stress or anxiety level.

There should never be a "diagnosis" of the situation such as "I'm sure if you lose or gain weight you you will get pregnant ”,“ you probably won't get pregnant because of the stress you have in your life ”,“ you have left it a lot of"... These messages never help a couple in these circumstances.

It is more advisable in these cases to accompany and show our support, phrases such as "whatever happens I'll be there", "I can get an idea of ​​how you do you feel "," cry if you need to "" you have the right to feel like this "are messages of great help that lead the person to overcome this and not feel alone.