My 'I' as a consequence and cause of my suffering

Our "I", what we call "personality", is always the result of our biological and genetic character and of our life experiences, from the pregnancy itself in the womb to adulthood.

Indeed, from the fetus itself, the neurobiological conformation of our brain will be molded through the interaction of our biological characteristics, with their load corresponding genetics, with the environment in which we land in the world and the relationships that we establish in it, especially with the most important figures, those of our caregivers.

This enormous adaptive effort will always be aimed at cushioning pain and anguish as much as possible.. Our brain, at a neuro biological level, and therefore our "I" at a psychological level, will always be the The result of a survival effort, whatever the environment in which we grow up, more hostile or more cozy.

Obviously, depending on the hostility of the environment, we will develop one type of attachment or another, so that the end result of the equation will be a personality, masterfully designed to survive in the "world" that has fallen to us.

This process is neurological and biological, and in it, our base genetics it also plays a determining role. A visual brain, with a crossed left-hander, is not the same as a structured, formal brain with a tendency to recurring thoughts.

The formation of the "I" is linked to its history

In any case, we do not choose our caregivers, nor do we choose the genetic tools with which to cope with primal experiences of our life. Obviously, the type of relationship that our caregivers establish with us is crucial in this process. But this is not the subject of this article so we will not go into details about the conformation of the types of attachment.

The important thing in this sense is that in this always unfinished process of neurobiological and psychological development, our "I" is emerging, our "interpreter" of reality that will accompany us until the end of our days. We will already have a secure attachment, or ambivalent or avoidant, even disorganized. We will have already developed different survival tools such as search for affection, control, emotional disconnection, generalized alertness, etc.

It is useless to qualify this result as good or bad. It is the result of an adaptive effort and as such, the "way" with which our brain, biologically speaking, solved the problem of survival in its development. From this point of view, this result is always adaptive. Another thing is that, over time, in adult reality, this "I" or the absence of it, is dysfunctional. This is what we call pathology.

In other words, what served at the time in childhood, especially to survive, is sometimes dysfunctional for the serene and mature coping with adult reality. For example, a personality secondary to abuse in childhood is very likely, later as an adult, not to "understand" that the medium is no longer hostile, which is already safe and will constantly misinterpret innocuous signals such as threats and friendly environments such as hostile.

The "I" resulting from abuse in this case, is not prepared for affection and affective relationships. And what you most need and yearn for, will on many occasions be what causes you the most fear, entering an unsolvable emotional equation with subsequent devastating consequences and enormously painful

That's why in Vitalizes we adapt different techniques to approach the trauma in its fullest context. And between them, this course / webinar: “My Self, consequence and cause of my suffering. Repair of adult attachment ”scheduled for this September (Tuesday 15 and Thursday 17) where we will learn to recognize both the biological and the experiential part of our "I", so that we can put name what happens to us and consequently understand how on many occasions I am the cause of my suffering (vitaliza.net/es/agenda).

This learning, this giving meaning to my experience, will open an unprecedented path for me when approaching any intervention therapeutic, since it will start from a complete acceptance and a deep knowledge of myself, which in turn will allow a conscious maturation of my person at all levels, managing to break loops, molds and limits that until now have been unapproachable.

Author: Javier Elcarte, neuropsychologist, and founder and director of Vitaliza.