Attachment Theory and the bond between parents and children

The attachment theory is a theory that was born a century ago, specifically in 1907, to explain individual differences (also called attachment styles) regarding how people think, feel and behave in interpersonal relationships.

The concept of "attachment" refers to the emotional bonds that people form with other people throughout their lives, first with their parents, and then with their friends, their partner, their companions and their children.

The beginning: Bowlby's attachment theory

There are different views regarding this theory, but the best known is that of John Bowlby, considered the father of attachment theory. He this one thought attachment begins in childhood and continues throughout life, and affirmed that there are behavioral control systems that are innate and that are necessary for the survival and procreation of human beings.

Attachment and exploration systems are central to its theory, since from a very young age children have an innate behavior that leads them to love exploring new things, but when they feel in danger or scared, his first reaction is to seek the protection and safety of his caregiver primary.

The "strange situation" and types of attachment according to Mary Ainsworth

Bowlby laid the foundations for the theory, but another important figure in the study of attachment is Mary Ainsworth, one of the psychologists best known for her contribution to the theory. Ainsworth also thought that control systems existed, but she went a bit further and she proposed her concept of "strange situation", with which she added to the attachment theory three styles of behaviour: Sure, Insecure-Avoidant and Insecure-Ambivalent. Later other authors identified other types of attachment, such as anxious attachment or disorganized attachment.

Types of attachment

The strange situation refers to the laboratory process in which the child is studied in the interaction with his mother and with a strange adult, that is, in a situation with someone who is not family. The results of Ainsworth's longitudinal study led him to conclude that:

• The secure attachment type It is characterized because the little one seeks the protection and safety of the mother and receives constant care. The mother is usually a loving person and constantly showing and showing affection, which allows the child to develop a positive self-concept and self-confidence. In the future, these people tend to be warm, stable, and have satisfying interpersonal relationships.

• The avoidant attachment type It is characterized by the fact that the little one is raised in an environment in which the closest caregiver ceases to constantly attend to his protection needs. This is counterproductive for the child's development, since it does not help him to acquire the feeling of self-confidence that he will need later in life. Therefore, children (and also as adults when they have grown up) feel insecure and displaced by experiences of abandonment in the past.

• The ambivalent attachment type It is characterized by the fact that these individuals respond to the separation with great anguish and tend to mix their attachment behaviors with constant protests and anger. This is because they have not developed the necessary emotional skills correctly, nor have they had expectations of trust or access to caregivers.

The four types of attachment according to Hazan and Shaver

Later, during the 1980s, Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver expanded attachment theory to adult love relationships. They identified four attachment styles: secure attachment, anxious-worried attachment, avoidant-independent attachment Y disorganized attachment.

1. Secure attachment

They are adults who present a more positive view of themselves and their interpersonal relationships. They are not concerned about privacy or independence, as they feel safe.

2. Worried-anxious attachment

They are people who they tend to constantly seek approval from others and continued response from the partner. Therefore, they are dependent, distrustful individuals and have a not very positive view of themselves and their interpersonal relationships. They present high levels of emotional expression and impulsivity.

3. Avoidant-independent attachment

They are individuals who they tend to isolate themselves because they are not comfortable being intimate with other people, so they are very independent. They see themselves as self-sufficient and without the need for close relationships. They tend to suppress their feelings.

4. Disorganized attachment

Adults with distrustful attachment are characterized by having contradictory feelings in their interpersonal relationships. That is, they may feel both desirous and uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. They tend to see themselves as of little value and distrust others. Like the previous ones, they seek less intimacy and tend to suppress their emotions.

Fundamental principles for a safe parent-child bond

It is clear that, as many research has shown, the attitude of parents towards their children will be decisive when their child develops correctly. Therefore, parents must be careful when treating their children and must have patience so that they grow up healthy and with a strong personality to deal with situations that may arise in the future.

In summary, it is important that parents try to:

• Understand children's signals and their way of communicating
• Create a foundation of security and trust
• Respond to your needs
• Hug him, pet him, show him affection and play with him
• Take care of your own emotional and physical well-being since it will affect the behavior towards your child