Emotional wounds: what are they and how do they affect us?

Did you know that your way of seeing the world, of interpreting reality, of seeing and perceiving situations, you learn it in childhood? The environment, family, socio-economic and cultural context, life experiences, character ...

We do not give them much importance, but the experiences lived in childhood leave traces that mark our personality. In this article I will explain how the emotional wounds of childhood affect our present and can condition our future.

• Related article: "Emotional memory: what is it and what is its biological basis?"

What is an emotional wound?

It is a fact that we all have "wounds" from our childhood. No matter how much our parents or caregivers tried, no matter how much they loved us, it could be said that we all have “wounds” that are usually created in our home.

You will ask yourself... What is an emotional wound? To answer this question, I invite you to imagine an event that produces an emotion intense, for example, pain, anger, loneliness, anger, fear, sadness..., and that you cannot solve it in a adequate. When that intense emotion sets within you, it creates an emotional wound.

If we do not have the necessary tools to face these emotions, nor the appropriate accompaniments, we run the risk of “getting used to” feeling these intense emotions and not solve them.

How are the first wounds created?

Emotional injuries can be the product of traumatic events (abuse, death of a family member, bad deals ...), as they can also be caused by a distortion in the interpretation of reality in the childhood. It's important pointing that in childhood we are good at capturing situations and even details, but our interpretation is still very immature, failing to adequately understand what is happening around us.

We are phylogenetically programmed to attend to all “possible” stimuli unconsciously, and only a small number of those stimuli are processed at the conscious level.

As we grow, the number of wounds increases or the ones we already have get bigger. Some of these wounds we are healing in the process of growth, but others are "infected". To cope with them, we adopt various behaviors with which we manage to "avoid" the pain they cause us. But, precisely, that is the problem; that we avoid it, we do not solve it, and the problem becomes “entrenched” more and more within us. It could be said that we anesthetize ourselves, and that prevents us from giving it the importance it requires, and seeking help to solve it.

Warning signs

Usually in therapy, we find various signs that indicate that a person may have "infected" emotional wounds, and that the behaviors he exhibits are actually symptoms of this "infection." By way of illustration I will mention some signs so that we can identify, but there are many more.

1. Elevated levels of Anxiety

It presents with palpitations, tremors, excessive sweating, a feeling of imminent danger, rapid breathing ...

• You may be interested in: "The 7 types of anxiety (characteristics, causes and symptoms)"

2. Depression

It is presented through the persistent feeling of sadness or emptiness, hopelessness, demotivation, feeling of worthlessness or persistent guilt, etc.

3. Difficulty in affective relationships

Constant conflicts arise in affective relationships or difficulty in establishing and maintaining them.

4. Sleeping problems

There may be difficulty sleeping or staying asleep, they can also sleep many hours too much

5. Obsessive thoughts

They come up with recurring ideas that cause us significant discomfort.

6. Unsafety

It appears with a lack of confidence in the own person and in his capacities and personal resources.

7. Afraid

That it is spreading in various areas of life and that "blocks" or "paralyzes" us when we achieve our goals.

8. Distrust

It is presented with the tendency to believe that people are dishonest with us, which prevents us from maintaining healthy relationships.

9. Defensive or aggressive attitude

Appear a difficulty accepting responsibility for situations or accepting criticism, so we prepare for the attack or we attack first.

Main emotional wounds of childhood

I am going to mention the 5 main emotional wounds that open mainly in childhood, and that have an impact on our behavior when interacting with other people.

1. Wound of abandonment

This wound opens when our affective needs in childhood have not been met for a long time, so we have been able to experience loneliness, lack of affection or lack of protection.

People who have this open wound may try to obtain the affection that they lacked in childhood in their partners, friends or children, and may develop emotional dependence. They can also show that fear of abandonment by using protection mechanisms to not really connect with people, and thus avoid being abandoned. They are the two ends of the same wound.

2. Wound of rejection

This wound opens when we have felt rejected in our childhood. They may not have accepted our thoughts, feelings, experiences, in short, they have rejected a part of us. This is generating the idea that we are not worthy to love or to be loved, and it can lead to self-loathing.

People who have this open wound have difficulty accepting criticism and suffer greatly when someone does not accept their idea or proposal. They often strive to gain recognition and approval from other people. They can also avoid the suffering caused by rejection by avoiding interpersonal relationships.

3. Hurt of humiliation

This wound opens when we experience a lot of criticism in our childhood, with negative messages related to our way of doing things, when they criticize our ability or our skills. Also when they do things for us. This ends up making us feel useless and incapable, insecure about ourselves and our ideas and thoughts.

People who have this open wound show a fragile and vulnerable self-esteem, they tend to depend of the image that other people have of them, needing their approval and recognition constant. For this they tend to be complacent to the point of canceling themselves, and can even get ridiculed themselves, because deep down they consider themselves inferior, unworthy, or less valuable than they really are. reality.

4. Wound of betrayal

This wound opens when we have had childhood experiences of being deceived because our parents or primary caregivers did not keep what they promised us. This could have been something specific, but important, or it could have happened on many occasions, generating distrust and loneliness.

People who have this open wound often have trust problems in their interpersonal relationships, and To compensate for this, they need to "control" because it gives them security, so they are less likely to be betrayed.

5. Wound of injustice

This wound opens when the education that has been exercised with us has been authoritarian, imposing the views of our parents, but without taking into account our needs or interests.

People who have this open wound tend to have mental rigidity, and this is shown in their opinions and value judgments that they express as absolute truths. They tend to have difficulty accepting other points of view, and have a tendency to order and perfectionism.

Can these wounds be healed?

We are not condemned to live with these "infected" or open wounds forever. In psychological therapy, we can work to identify our wounds and heal them.

In my professional experience, we all have these wounds, to a greater or lesser extent. Sometimes we have healed them without realizing it, but generally, we connect with these wounds daily and, not knowing it, we do not give it the importance it requires. We run the risk of getting used to it and thinking that “we are like this” or that “we have bad luck”. But in reality, connecting with our wounds makes us act in different ways, which are not the healthiest or most appropriate.

It also influences that the initial injury usually comes from childhood, and not having sufficient cognitive skills developed at those ages, we are not necessarily aware of those memories or the impact they had on us.

For this reason, I consider it necessary that if you identify with something of what you have read in this article, do not hesitate to look for psychology professionals suitable people who can accompany you on this journey of self-knowledge, to help you identify the emotional wounds of childhood and to heal them. In this way, you can prevent those emotional wounds caused in childhood from continuing to affect your present and condition your future.