Why willpower is not always enough in the face of problems

We can understand "willpower" as that social construct that is so often referred to, much like "good attitude", "work hard for something" or "get things done".

In recent years, an attitude of positivity that sometimes reaches the extreme has been promoted a lot, reducing the chances of success of any company to a mere matter of "putting it on" the things.

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Most people have no problem with their "will power"

The truth is that many people with psychological problems of any kind have perfectly normal willpower capacities, a very good attitude, and so on. Managers of large companies who develop problems of anxiety or addiction to cocaine, mothers and fathers of families.

Would you say that people in charge of a large organization or a family have little will power? Most of us would answer a resounding "No" for an answer, because to do what they do on a day-to-day basis, a lot of that social construct called "willpower" is needed.

Then, the source of the psychological problems that these people may have in their specific context does not appear to be their lack of willpower

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A position of blame

Many people who come to therapy (for almost any subject), when asked what they think is the origin of their problems, they report that it must be their willpower, that they are not strong people, and that they have come to therapy to "learn to be stronger".

Through socialization, many people come to therapy with these positions of self-blame, low self-esteem, low sense of self-efficacy.

These situations could also be explained from the perspective of the Control locus negative internal. This means that, before we determine events, the person has a tendency to point out himself as the main person responsible for the events. events and their results, but mostly when events are negative, and very rarely with victories or results positive.

Explained in a more colloquial way, the person's internal dialogue can often resemble things like "I'm weak", "it's all fault mine "," if I were different, everything would be different "," I have no will power ", or" I have not put enough desire, that's why it has happened this". But things tend to be much more complex than a simple matter of "wanting".

Not everything is a matter of desire

Yes, motivational phrases can cheer us up and make us feel good at certain times. In many cases, in a very subtle way, that speech of "if you want you can" can make the person think "I could not, that is that I have not wanted enough". And unfortunately, everything does not always depend on our attitude.

Having a proactive and energetic attitude towards life helps, it can improve things in many contexts, but it does not always account for most of the success. In any situation, there will be a multitude of factors that are beyond our control.

Then, no matter how much "we want" to do something, there is always the possibility that things do not turn out the way we would like.

Not everything depends on our attitude, the context is important, and sometimes there will be elements of the context that it will not depend on us to change. We can, we must change elements of our contexts, but it will not always be our choice. Sometimes things just go wrong.

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Anyone can say beautiful phrases, a professional can do much more

A psychologist is not going to reduce his years of training and experience to repeating motivational phrases from books and social networks. If these things were enough to make significant changes in people's lives, the world would be very different right now.

If you have psychological problems of any kind, a competent psychologist will help you to be proactive in the face of events, yes, but they will also help you to identify those elements and factors that do not depend on you, and thus develop an attitude of acceptance and realistic optimism. Not only that, but to establish change guidelines adapted to the unique context of the person, taking into account the latest scientific consensus regarding human behavior.

Sometimes, despite trying very hard for something, we may not get it. And with this attitude, the person will not fall so easily into blaming and punishing self-talk.

I wish all things were just a matter of willpower. We can't handle everything. We can do enough, but not with everything.

Real psychotherapy, more than motivational phrases

If you are having a bad personal time, a good psychology professional can help you make things better. If you think you need help, visit my website luismiguelreal.es to learn more about my psychotherapy services (also online).