Flirting techniques: what works and what doesn't

Flirting techniques are an increasingly widespread claim within current literature, in which psychology has a lot to say.

However, not all the things that have been published on this complex subject are useful or based on scientific criteria, beyond the inventiveness of some daring author, as with the widespread suggestion to combine the praise with a veiled criticism of the type: "what a beautiful dress you are wearing, I have seen many women". Of course, this is a good way to be remembered, but we must do without achieving it by generating a negative impact on the other person.

Since there are differences in the dynamics of desire of men and womenWe will begin by talking about those techniques to link different for each other, to end by talking about what aspects are common in both cases.

• You may be interested: "10 dating tips (and how you should never seduce)"

Differences between the sexes in flirting techniques

These are the aspects in which both sexes differ from each other when it comes to attraction.

1. Show interest and generate doubt

The prototype of the choice of love in the case of men is more related to the object itself (to the qualities or the physical), what in psychology we call object love choice, while women make a narcissistic choice, that is, they pay more attention to how much they want them than what their object of desire is like. That is why during the relationship, women need to hear more often that they love them.

Therefore, a useful resource is found in the direct expression of the man of how much interest the woman generates. However, in the first moments of flirting, generating doubt as to whether or not the man is interested in them is effective (according to a study published by the University of Virginia and Harvard).

2. The smile

Men prefer smiling women but women are not so positively influenced by this quality (according to a study published at Columbia University), rather by signs of affliction, shyness and downward gaze of the man, in a timely manner.

3. Listen to her

Although we all like to feel listened to and this capacity is valued in a generic way (not only in intimate relationships but in any social bond), it must be borne in mind that women speak more than men, a fact verified by the University of Maryland in which they find that there is a higher percentage of the protein in charge of language in the brain, and have a greater need to communicate verbally. Thus, a man who knows how to listen is more likely to attract the female sex, while this characteristic is less valued by men.

4. The intelligence

Again it is attractive to both sexes, but with a nuance. Unfortunately, an excess of intelligence in the case of women can intimidate men, as revealed by a study published by the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

5. The sense of humor

The sense of humor is a desirable aspect for both sexes but with a difference: according to a study by Eric Bressler, women pay more attention to men who make them laugh while they value women who laugh at their jokes more.

Common aspects in men and women

This is what both genders share when it comes to flirting techniques.

1. smells

We know that we are conditioned by the Halo effect, namely, the first impression is usually important Regarding the subsequent assessment that we make of someone. Although we cannot modify our physical qualities, we do have a resource to “manipulate” how they are perceived by others to be more attractive: smell.

In fact, we process olfactory stimuli in a brain region that also receives visual information, so that one intervenes in the processing of the other. Cosmetic companies are perfectly aware of the effect that smells have on us and they make their perfumes with pheromones to attract the opposite sex.

2. Eyes-mouth triangle

Another trick is to look at the eye-mouth triangle while having the conversation to arouse desire. sexual interlocutor, which also works as an indicator of desire of the other (not so when only looking at the eyes).

3. Repeat name

The human being is narcissistic by nature (and I am not referring to the pejorative nature of the colloquial term, but to the psychological concept), due to that need to feel valued and recognized. That is why we like to hear our name spoken on the lips of others. Therefore, repeating the name of the person we are addressing and intending to seduce is a powerful bond reinforcer.

4. The group effect

Although we tend to seek privacy when we want to win someone's interest, the first contacts it is preferable to have them in a group than alone. According to research by psychologist Drew Walker, we are more attractive when we are in a group than in isolation, since common traits are more desirable than rare ones.

5. Non-verbal language analysis

Knowing how non-verbal language is interpreted, we can know both the receptivity of the other for their positions and the way in which we have to express ourselves to convey interest. For example, refraining from crossing ankles or arms during courtship since this gesture denotes doubt in the first case and rejection in the second.

Another common mistake is to pay attention to the position of the head during the conversation, when what we really gives a reference of the interest that others have is that the posture of the torso and legs are directed U.S.

A well-known and popularly related gesture with women is touching their hair. More than a signal of interest for them (which too), it is a resource for them, since it works as a powerful captor of a man's attention when the woman discreetly touches herself.

• Related article: "The 5 practical keys to mastering non-verbal language"

Flirting techniques are not infallible

That said, do not lose sight of the fact that despite scientific research, the study of the mind and the analysis of our corporeality has shed light About some aspects to take into account when dating, these indications cannot be taken as dogma since there are many exceptions to the rules.

The art of seduction is something very personal where naturalness and simplicity are the true keys to success.