The 6 challenges of parenting

Parenting is an internal process by which we feel capable of being parents and bonding with our children. Now this is not an easy task. In this article We will see what the main challenges of parenting are, and the implications of each of them in our lives.

• Related article: "Attachment Theory and the bond between parents and children"

The main challenges of parenting, explained

In the 21st century, being a parent requires a significant ability to tolerate uncertainty and adapt to change at great speed. But there is something that does not vary, despite historical and cultural changes: the need to create a secure and supportive bond.

In this process, there are some challenges that we will have to face in order to respond to the needs of our children in a “good enough” way:

1. Feel like adults

Regardless of our age, the degree of maturity we feel can vary. When we feel grown up we take responsibility for our own life and position ourselves as protagonists of it. Having achieved a certain degree of internal coherence and trust in our resources makes the task of parenting easier.

2. Resignify your own links

When we become parents, we put ourselves in a completely new role and qualitatively different from any other bond we have experienced before. From this new position, our image as children and siblings can change and acquire new meanings.

Especially important is the updating of the bond with our parents. The image we had of them can change, understanding their behavior from another perspective.

• You may be interested: "How to strengthen the bond between parents and children, in 6 keys"

3. Caring for, sustaining and teaching the world

The main parental functions are to care for, support and teach the world to the children. By taking care of them, we provide them with basic physical care but also help them to know and coordinate their own body. When we talk about the ability to sustain, we mean accepting your emotions, whatever they may be.

As parents, one of our tasks is based on help our children to express their emotions in an appropriate and tolerable way. In addition, when we present objects and teach the world to them, we help them to relate and to inhabit it.

4. Accept imperfection

From the moment the desire to have a child arises, we also begin to visualize ourselves as mothers or fathers. We imagine what our child will be like and what we will be like in parenting. But when the baby is born and, as she grows, one of the tasks to do will be to get to know him and discover what he really is like. If the reality is very different from the expectations we had, difficulties may appear.

In the relationship with the children, there will be moments of frustration, of greater and lesser understanding, but if we accept this as normal, without hype or blame, the ability to contain and sustain is will keep.

5. Facilitate differentiation

As soon as the baby is born, it depends entirely on our care and our gaze and assessment. If all goes well we will develop our sensitivity to tune in to your needs and respond to them. We will also be able to admire him.

But, as it grows, this dependency should be less and less, to the extent that our children learn and develop resources to do things for themselves. It is important to allow them space and time to develop their own capacities, both at an instrumental level and for self-regulation and emotional support.

6. Convey the will to live

The children capture our emotions and feel the family atmosphere. It is not about denying negative emotions or always being happy, but it is about conveying that life is worth it. and let them experience it at their own pace.

Conclution

In short, from the moment that the desire to have a child appears in us, we assume ourselves as adults, responsible and with resources to cope with parenting. Some challenges may arise, especially when we have had difficulties in our relationship with our family of origin or we have developed very high expectations regarding parenthood.

In any case, It is not about being perfect, but about being receptive and available to our children. Our main function as parents is to give our children the ability to be themselves. That is, the ability to think for themselves and the confidence that they have the resources to face their own life.

Bibliographic references:

• Rotenberg, E. (2010). Difficult children - Clueless parents. Buenos Aires: Place. Dio Bleichmar, E. (2005). Psychotherapy manual of the parent-child relationship. Barcelona: Paidós.