Why do we lie?

The human being is a social, emotional animal, and also... you liar. But let's put value judgments aside. Telling lies is one of the most important and functional human adaptation mechanisms.

Lies help us to understand our own reality, to build an identity, and they are also a cognitive ability that even leads us towards empathy. However... At what point do lies become a problem? Why do we sometimes lie to excess (in relation to your job, family, or partner). What does it lead you to? Has it ever happened to you?

Lying is an intelligence trait, but it also carries an emotional consequence. Why do we sometimes lie excessively? What is the problem of origin? How to solve it? In this article you will discover what lies lead you to, what is behind it, and how to solve it.

• Related article: "What is social psychology?"

Exploring the origin of the act of lying

Let's start at the beginning: lying is a skill we do on a daily basis. When we are children we learn to lie because we discovered that by misrepresenting certain facts of reality we can achieve certain goals in our personal relationships

. In principle, this is an adaptation trait that helps us face situations, build identity and learn to relate to others (the famous white lies).

Over the years, we learn that lying is a strategy that sometimes gets us out of a conflict or with which we get certain benefits. The problem of lies occurs when its purpose is not to adapt, but to avoid facing a fact that is complex for us. When excessive lies occur, we begin to feel insecure, anxiety, each time a greater burden and we feel a weight on top that oppresses us.

Sometimes, in consultation, many people confess to me that they are compulsive liars. When we delve deeper into your case, we discover that there are no more lies than the usual ones, but rather a series of redundant lies that increase your discomfort and anxiety.

As a psychologist and coach, my job consists of accompanying people in a process of change where they achieve the changes they need thanks to their own personal change. This is what really gets internalized and works forever.

The reasons for the lies

We can lie in different ways, and the origins are also different.

1. On the social plot

We lie to be able to integrate ourselves into a certain group or to generate a certain image. The end in itself is positive: being able to connect with others. The problem is that lies never hold up over time.

The origin of this lie is insecurity: we do not trust our personal abilities, which is why we lie.

2. On the family plot

We tend to lie for fear of the consequences. When we have the other feel anger, disappointment or rejection, we hide certain relevant information or lie about it because we fear the possible consequences.

This leads us to communicate opaquely rather than assertively, which makes us feel isolated, anxious, and overwhelmed. Personal relationships are greatly damaged by this habit, based on fear.

3. On the professional plot

We can lie to hide information whose consequences we fear, to impress, or to create a set of expectations that cannot be met. First of all, we lie out of fear of not meeting the demands that we create for ourselves.

In the sentimental area: lies are more frequent in this area and it is where they cause us more problems. We lie out of insecurity (we fear the consequences of our actions) and we can also develop the habit of lying to feel adrenaline and personal security (as in the case of people who have several relationships at the same time, hidden from each other).

In all cases we find a common factor: we lie in principle to adapt and achieve certain personal goals without harming others (in at first this is the positive function of lies) but later we can lie excessively due to a series of fundamental emotions: fear, insecurity and guilt. Fear of the consequences, insecurity towards our abilities, and guilt for the consequences of the lies themselves.

• You may be interested in: "How to overcome insecurity: 5 psychological tips"

The solution to excessive lies

Lying excessively leads us to a state of anxiety, worry and overwhelm that results in a very unpleasant general discomfort. Lying is like a snowball or a tsunami effect: it is increasingly difficult for us to escape from them. The solution, however, is to work with the source of these excessive lies: the way you understand and manage those emotions.

Feeling fear, insecurity or guilt is in principle natural (as are white lies). The biggest problem is when you don't know how to understand and manage what you feel, to the point that those emotions are too intense, frequent and long-lasting, in such a way that they condition your behavior and lead you to lies excessive.

Performing this learning is what leads you to an encounter with yourself and it allows you to relate to others and to the world in an assertive, positive, and above all honest way.

If you want to live this learning, I make a special proposal: in Human Empowerment you can find options to schedule a first exploratory session with me. In that session we will be able to get to know each other, delve deeper into your situation (in any type of plot: sentimental, professional, personal, etc.), find a definitive solution and see how I can accompany you.

Change comes true only if it comes from you. Here, I assure you... I'm not lying.