Empathy, much more than putting yourself in the place of the other

Empathy is one of the most important competencies that are included in the emotional intelligence. The word comes from the Greek words that mean "inside him" and "what he feels." However, the real meaning of this psychological phenomenon is even more important than the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

• Related article: "Are you empathetic? 10 typical traits of empathic people”

What is empathy?

Empathy is the ability to understand the emotional life of another person, almost in all its complexity. This does not necessarily mean sharing the same opinions and arguments that justify the state or reaction expressed by the other person. It does not even mean agreeing with the interlocutor's way of interpreting emotionally charged situations.

Empathy refers, among other things, to the active listening, understanding and emotional support. In addition, empathy implies having the sufficient capacity to differentiate between the affective states of others and the ability to take perspective, both cognitive and affective, regarding the person who expresses their state to us emotional.

It's components

Perhaps on some occasions you have not felt heard due to a lack of feedback, support or understanding. On many other occasions, you may feel that you have not been able to adequately and empathically attend to the emotional state of the other person and ask yourself: What do I need or should I do to be more empathetic in my daily life?

Fundamentally, the components of empathy are the following:

1. Know how to listen

Pay attention to what the other person explains or argues, pay attention to non-verbal manifestations, such as in the case of gestures that correspond to the state of mind that is verbalized and do not interrupt the speech verbal.

In addition, reflect on what the other person is communicating to you, express signals of active follow-up as feedback: look at their face, nod their head, or reflect facial expressions consistent with what they are explaining to you the other person.

On the other hand, it is necessary to show interest by asking details about the content of the conversation.

2. Interpret nonverbal cues

It includes the transmitted messages of a paralinguistic nature, such as intonation, response time, volume ...

3. Show understanding

We can show congruent understanding to what they explain to us through phrases such as: "I understand that you acted like this." "I understand how you feel". "The truth is that you must have had a great time" ...

The emotions of the person expressing them should not be invalidated, rejected or judged since this is a fundamental premise to show empathic sensitivity.

4. Give emotional help if needed

It is important to always ask our interlocutor if he needs any kind of help. However, on many occasions, simply by actively listening to the other, we allow her to "air" and manage her emotional state. In this way, he is relieved to have a reliable listener to whom convey your emotions.

When the person who listens empathically has experienced an emotional situation similar to the one is expressing, the communication process is more fluid, since there is a greater attunement emotional.

Why practice it?

Empathy, as a skill of emotional intelligence, it is important because it makes it possible to experience different benefits.

• It allows you to enjoy social relationships by participating more with the group of friends, colleagues or family.
• It helps you feel better personally.
• Facilitates conflict resolution.
• It predisposes to help others and share.
• Increases charisma and attractiveness.
• Lets be more respectful.
• Develop leadership, negotiation and collaboration skills, as well as being better considered by others.

How to cultivate empathy?

Practicing empathy helps us to broaden our perspectives and thereby enrich our world with new ideas., points of view and opportunities.

It is a key social skill that, as we have already seen, allows us to listen better, understand and ask better questions, three fundamental aspects of good communication. In addition, it is one of the bases to build solid and enriching relationships, based on trust, communication and respect.

You can incorporate into your routine three simple practical exercises to improve your empathy.

1. Ask and show interest

Start any meeting or conversation with open and personalized questions: How are you? How about at work? How is the project you started doing? How was your vacations?

Showing closeness and interest in the other person, leave room for them to open up and simply receive.

2. Read theater scripts

Read theater scripts and focus on one character. Search the text for what is beyond words; The personal history, previous experiences, the fears it hides, its desires and illusions, the emotions that are on the surface ...

3. Choose a person

Choose a person at random and try to find out through their non-verbal communication what moves them (emotion and thought) to do what he does and how he does it. A good time to carry out this exercise is in public transport, in a cafeteria... These places are rich in scenes as they can be used to put empathy into practice.