Narcissism: When is it healthy and when is it a disorder?

A certain degree of narcissism is necessary throughout our lives and is essential for our self-worth, because it is necessary to feel valuable, to feel worthy. All people have a certain degree of narcissism And it is one of the keys to achieve goals, increase our self-esteem, feel self-love.

On the other hand, the concept of narcissism associated with selfish and vain behavior arose from the classical Greek story of Narcissus. A man who fell in love with himself and couldn't take his eyes off the reflection of him on the surface of a lake, and unable to continue seeing himself in the image in the water ends up throwing himself into the water, immersed in his own "Me". It ends in a tragic way and her image becomes her prison, unable to separate from her.

From this story the use of narcissism as a potentially problematic aspect is described. When it becomes insane, we would be talking about a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

• Related article: "The main theories of personality"

Pathological narcissism should not be confused with healthy narcissism

Healthy narcissism is necessary and serves to achieve stand out in different areas (work, family, social)... It is the one that most people have. Healthy narcissism lies in loving and caring for yourself while pathological narcissism consists of taking care of the fantasy of taking care of the image of a false “I”.

Healthy narcissism

The person who owns it manages to be warm, empathic with loved ones, respects the individual space of each one, is equanimous and judicious with their talents and abilities and he likes to hear what others have to say to him, including ideas that he does not share or are contrary to his beliefs.

What's more, who has a healthy narcissism can present his points of view with respect and in a friendly way, and although he can argue, he is sympathetic to other points of view. On the other hand, he is good at connecting with his partner.

Pathological narcissism

Those with pathological narcissism are jealous and generally unhappy. They feel constant dissatisfaction and put their need for love, validation and attention before the well-being of their own family or their businesses.

They are generally charming in public, but hostile towards their friends or family (they have a double face) and speak badly of people behind their backs.

In addition, they usually damage their business or reputation, but they are not responsible either, they do not admit that they were wrong.

Also it is characteristic that they feel superior but alone, and that they have a special fear of lonelinesswhile at the same time feeling trapped in a bubble. His way of living sexuality is impersonal, unsatisfactory.

They are competitive and obsessed with being the center of attention, and they exert violence directed at themselves. On the other hand, they insist on pointing out the differences with others.

• You may be interested in: "Antisocial Personality Disorder: causes, symptoms and treatment"

Lack of empathy, the missing link

Because in the pathological narcissist his focus is himself, is unable to put himself in the place of the other; He will not recognize the feelings or needs of other people because he is very focused on his own experiences.

Narcissists have a very damaged ego, they constantly fear that their bubble of self-centeredness that they have built will deflate. Thus, they tend to live on the defensive, they are hypersensitive to criticism. They do not allow someone to give them advice, much less a sermon, this causes them anger, shame and frustration.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), Personality Disorders They cannot be diagnosed in childhood, but in adulthood, although problems begin to appear from the age of 15 years.

However, in childhood children show very narcissistic characteristics: lack of limits, excess of lies or a manifest envy and an overflowing competitiveness. What is currently proven is that although the features of the disorder may not be clear until the past 18 years, if a child does not develop empathic senses from an early age, then it will be impossible for them I developed. After 12 or 13 years the brain has finished developing its basic functions.

It is proven that psychopathy is heritable and you are born with it. A narcissist is made and a psychopath is born. The human mind is much more fragile than we think, it is incredible to see how there is irreversible damage that occurred in childhood.

The emotional management system

Emotions are generated in a group of brain structures called the limbic system, comprising the hypothalamus, hippocampus, and amygdala. When these parts are not exercised in childhood through affection, love, or interactions that teach the individual to take responsibility for his actions, they are atrophied forever. Although serious disconnections are also caused within this system. In addition, narcissists have known that their cerebral cortex is thinner.

Doctor Calixto, doctor in Neurosciences from the National University of the National Autonomous University of Mexico (UNAM), explains that between the ages of 8 and 12, mirror neurons of empathy are generated in the twist of the cingulum. People who were abandoned at these ages are 30% more likely to develop depression, and this is conducive to developing narcissism.

A) Yes, emotional abuse or inattention can affect a child's social development. When children develop narcissism from violence, they live in terror; generally have a cruel narcissistic father or mother, so terror becomes habitual and they prefer not to feel because they must continue to view the protector as terrifying and threatening, and thus the brain bonds of empathy do not develop well. They suffer a feeling of abandonment that accompanies them forever, some think that they do not deserve anything, others that they cannot trust anyone.

Bibliographic references:

• Burgo, J. (2016). Narcissism. CDMX: Paidos Mexico.