The rule of 4 gifts at Christmas

At Christmas, the custom of giving gifts to the smallest of the house has become both a tradition and, sometimes, a form of social pressure towards consumerism. In this article we will focus on how the so-called rule of the 4 gifts helps us to face this phenomenon.

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Does consumerism equate to happiness?

It is undeniable that we live in a time where consumerism plays a central role in the organizational system of today's society. A time in which the different media overwhelm us with their advertising and with messages that They lead us to think that having more and more products, even if they are unnecessary, will contribute to well-being own self.

Nothing is further from reality; Research so far by happiness experts like Martin Seligman indicates that there are three main factors that contribute to an overall feeling of happiness and personal satisfaction:

On the one hand, there is the enjoyment linked to the experiences lived with the people in our environment that causes an increase of the most pleasant emotions such as joy, calm, illusion (for example traveling, listening to music, playing sports, etc.).

For the other, the pleasure derived from doing those activities that are particularly satisfying and that reduce the level of anxiety (such as taking dance classes, painting, writing, etc.).

Finally, we find the positive feelings derived from putting into practice those personal values ​​that favor the achievement of social goals at a macro level, such as generosity, honesty, integrity, etc.

It can be seen, in this way, that the values ​​defended by capitalism do not seem to have much relation with these three aspects mentioned. Capitalism is positioned rather in promote attitudes such as competitiveness, individuality or the primacy of the material; in such a way that an addictive spiral is created towards these last phenomena, which are diametrically opposite to what Seligman exposed.

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Holiday gifts: the 4 gift rule

All previous seems to have a special relevance in the Christmas season, since this celebration is closely linked to shopping and gifts. For this reason and, in order to rescue a less consumerist, more supportive, sustainable and generous spirit, very diverse experts in child psychology recall year after year how interesting and pedagogical it can be to apply the so-called "rule of the 4 gifts" in the presents that adults give to the smallest of home.

This practice allows, on the one hand, significantly reduce the volume of gifts children receive, with which it is a good exercise to learn to value more consciously the effort involved both when it comes to doing it and when it comes to deserving it. On the other hand, the rule of the four gifts implies reformulating what type of gifts are to be selected, giving a pedagogical meaning to each of them. Thus, it is not a question of accessing the four presents requested (or imposed) by the child, but rather they must conform to the following premises:

1. I practice it

Something that you can wear and that is useful to you, such as an item of clothing or an accessory.

2. Necessary

Something i really need, such as an object that he uses for his school or extracurricular performance.

3. What you want

Anything you want, as long as it is appropriate for the age of the minor. In this case, it is advisable to ask the child to make two or three proposals and the adult choose from among them the one that best suits the family circumstances. An important note may be to consider behavior and effort (and not exclusively final academic grades) of the child both in the school environment and in the family environment and Social.

4. What educates

Books and / or educational experiences shared with the family, such as a cultural excursion, a visit to a museum, etc. As for the books, it seems positive that they are the ones who have priority in deciding which title to select, in such a way that the child's receptivity to this type of gift is increased.

The syndrome of the hyper-gifted child

Following the above principles, it is promoted to combat the so-called "hyper-gifted child syndrome", the which is defined by a set of harmful emotional attitudes and consequences that can develop in the children who receive an excess of gifts.

When the illusion and the value given to the gift are diminished, it is favored that capricious and selfish behaviors appear; overstimulation is promoted in the face of so many gifts that she cannot attend (which causes her to end up using a very small percentage of the total present) in addition to the negative implications in the medium and long term that overstimulation entails in the child, interfering with the attention and concentration; Finally, the low ability to tolerate frustration increases, since the child is denied the possibility of performing a emotional work that allows you to accept adaptively assume that sometimes, desires or expectations may not be fulfilled.

In conclusion

As we have seen, it seems essential to carry out a process of reflection and awareness at this time of year when socially, some practices that may have a detriment to the ethical and educational values ​​that adults transmit to their offspring. In this sense, the rule of the four gifts has a significant number of psychological and pedagogical benefits in its application, both for the elderly and the little ones.

Bibliographic references:

• Seligman, M. AND. P. (2017) The authentic happiness. Editions B: Barcelona.