The 5 main characteristics of a toxic relationship

Affective relationships are much more than a space in which we find help and even moments of calm and fun between the challenges and demands of everyday life. In fact, what characterizes them is the way in which they link us emotionally with others: they make us act through logics that go beyond our own individuality.

Now this has both positive and negative aspects. Among the positives we find how stimulating or even exciting it is to connect with someone and give and receive affection or love. And among the negatives, it is worth highlighting the ease with which we fall into a loss of objectivity when it comes to recognize power asymmetries in those relationships, or even relationships that make us lose more than we contribute. That is why it is important to know how to recognize the characteristics of toxic relationships; let's see what they are.

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The characteristics of toxic relationships

Toxic relationships are those that,

despite being perpetuated thanks to the fact that we have already become accustomed to keeping them participating in them, they negatively affect one or both parties involved. In other words, these are links that are based on dysfunctional interaction dynamics, that harm someone's well-being but that, at the same time, continue to exist and appeal to two or more people.

Sometimes toxic relationships are toxic because one individual takes advantage of or constantly attacks another. On other occasions, in them there are two people who suffer through that relationship, without it being possible to appreciate that one gets more out of the relationship than the other.

In any case, it often happens that those who have a hard time staying within these relationships normalize the situation and are not fully aware of what is happening to them.

Sometimes they even confront their friends when they call attention to the fact that there are worrying red flags in their bond with a certain person. That is why it is necessary stop to think, in the most objective and analytical way possible, about whether oneself is exposing oneself to relationships with a partner or friendship that meet the characteristics of toxic relationships, which are the following (although they do not have to occur all at once).

1. Emotional manipulation is frequent

Many of the toxic relationships show their ability to harm people through the multiple occasions in which emotional manipulation appears. This can take the form of gaslighting (make the other person believe that their abilities to understand or perceive what is happening are damaged, in order to blaming them for what one does wrong), emotional blackmail, and / or deceptions related to how one feels about the other.

The downside of emotional manipulation is that it is difficult to detect, since it appeals to feelings and affections; It is difficult to distance oneself from these behaviors to analyze them coldly. So, it is advisable to have a global vision of the situation; For example, it is advisable to fill out a diary in which to leave notes on what one experiences and feels in the company of the other.

2. The fear of breaking that relationship predominates

Another characteristic that usually occurs in toxic relationships is that they are maintained not so much by the positive experiences they bring, but by the fact of not wanting to go through the situation that they break. The latter would produce a disruption, a change from what we have become accustomed to, and therefore would imply leaving the comfort zone (so called not because we feel comfortable in it, but because it provides us with a way of living "by default", which is perpetuated without us having to think about what to do next).

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3. The impression arises that the relationship is only based on promises for the future

Many people who stay in toxic relationships rationalize their reasons for doing so assuming that their suffering will be compensated in the future, when that bond bears fruit.

For example, they fantasize about scenarios in which the other person changes radically and learns to be fair, fair, and compassionate. If you notice that the only argument by which you assume that it is convenient for you to continue nurturing that relationship is based on future hypotheses, that is a very bad sign: it should bring you positive aspects in the Present.

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4. Moments of violence may arise

Some toxic relationships are, fundamentally, contexts of physical and / or psychological abuse. In fact, in situations of this type in which it goes to the extreme it is better not to talk so much about toxic relationship as abuse and be clear that it is a dynamic of violence that must be stopped as soon as possible, ending that relationship and seeking the necessary help. And it must not be forgotten that situations of verbal attacks (such as deliberate insults and humiliations) also constitute a form of abuse.

5. They generate social isolation

It is not that these relationships “steal time”, but rather that the person who tries to impose himself on the other (if he exists, since we have seen that not in all In toxic relationships, there is someone who clearly rules the roost) tries to make the other lose contact with her friends, her family, etc. This is associated with the purpose of making the other person more dependent.

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