Eyes open to childhood sexual abuse

In the first installment of the series of articles dedicated to child abuse in childhood we emphasized the feeling of abandonment, loneliness, darkness and dullness in which the child victim of abuses. In the second, we stopped at the difficulty for the caregiver to realize what is happening, sometimes in front of their own eyes, eyes that for different reasons are very difficult to open.

In this third article we want to focus on the signs that allow us to see, that can help us, or at least guide us, when it comes to discovering if a minor in our environment is suffering abuse. Behaviors, symptoms that any sensitive caregiver should attend to and ask themselves what may be happening to that child to make them behave or feel that way.

• Related article: "Childhood Sexual Abuse: Blind Caregivers"

The importance of detecting child sexual abuse early

First of all, we would like to record that, on many occasions, more than is believed, the child tries or tends to talk about what happened and tell it

But it is also true that such a call for help is not explicit enough and its messages arrive through games, drawings, or even attempts to count.

But, even if it is counted, it is often ignored, not attended, or minimized, or its history, so this call is seldom picked up by caregivers, as we reported in the article previous.

It should also be noted that, according to the figures offered in different studies, only between 2% and 8% of children lie when telling that they have suffered some type of sexual abuse. Therefore, we should ask ourselves; both caregivers, as professionals and lawyers, if we are facing that rare 8% at most.

Thus, believing the child in principle is not stupid, and hide behind the usual: "children's things", "children have a lot of imagination"... It is still a comfortable attitude that minimizes and avoids taking responsibility for what is happening, with dire consequences, since they become a trauma secondary to the abuse itself and that increases confusion and impairs the victim's ability to tell what happened to forever.

How to detect the signs?

Evidently we do not expect to find the same signs in preschool children as in elementary school children or adolescents.

In the case of very young children and precisely given their difficulty in having a minimum awareness of what is happening, we must be attentive to physical signs that, although they are not very common, it is good to investigate, of the type: redness, rashes or swelling in the genital area, urinary infections and the like, as well as irritability or mood down. Sometimes we will find persistent somatizations such as chronic headaches or stomach pain.

In any case, in these ages, one of the most common signs is excessive sexualization of behavior and language, such as adopting sexualized positions, presenting a sexual attitude with their toys and / or speaking and giving details of sexual aspects, or addressing others in a sexualized way.

Between 6 and 12 years it is expected to find the same physiological signs mentioned above that would cover aspects such as: pain, bleeding, discharge or other trauma physical genitalia, anus or mouth, genital infections in girls or sexually transmitted diseases, recurrent pain when urinating or defecating, or even difficulty when swallow.

However, the most frequent signs are psychological. The child suddenly begins with nightmares or insomnia with no apparent explanation. Is distant or distracted in strange situations. Sudden changes appear in appetite (increase or decrease), as well as in mood; anger, fear, insecurity, withdrawal, etc. Sometimes he leaves clues that lead to conversations of sexual content. Shows new or unusual fear of certain places or people. He refuses to talk about secrets he shares with someone else. Write, draw, play, or dream of sexual or scary images. He talks about a new older friend he has met. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, you have money, toys, or other gifts. You see yourself or his body as repulsive, dirty, or bad. Presents behaviors, language and sexual knowledge typical of adults.

In adolescence, there is usually a greater awareness of what has happened and / or is happening. It is a stage in which the self-centeredness typical of more childish stages takes center stage again and they appropriating responsibility and guilt for what happened, generating and increasing shame and rejection of oneself same. The beginning of love relationships can be an activator of the traumatic experience, and can lead to avoidance behaviors and extreme fear to sexual relations or on other occasions to risky behaviors, where sexuality is used as a means of receiving affection and attention.

Sometimes, the same changes typical of adolescence at the maturational level favor or encourage the generation of complaints and an attempt is made to limit this abusive behavior. This is always easier if they have a partner who supports and understands them, with a safe environment or with adequate therapeutic support.

• You may be interested in: "Sexual abuse in childhood: when we were dead"

To do?

If the slightest sign of suspicion is observed, it may be the result of sexual abuse or another problem in the adolescent's life. Let's take time to talk and seek help. If we recognize several indicators in an adolescent we know or if the adolescent reveals that she has been victim of sexual abuse, call the police or child protective services and seek help from righ now.

In the case of adolescents, obviously, it seems expected to be able to inquire more openly about what is happening, but experience shows that confusion and The darkness typical of other ages of childhood, also happens in adolescence, so we cannot be content with the adolescent not telling or denying that anything is happening with the.

Telling it many times is the beginning of a new hell, the family system can falter, one's vulnerability is exposed in a very complex stage. So it is not at all implausible that they disdain what was said before the visibility generated by their complaint, visibility loaded with tension and misunderstanding, something that is very difficult to handle. Therefore, it is understandable that denying it is a way to end the pressure, the visibility, the pain. Consequently, a denial should not relax us and accommodate us to the "oh, it didn't happen, thank goodness."

That is why we must take into account all the variables and above all an empathetic and reflective look that goes beyond our amazement and fear. Signs that we can find: signs of depression or anxiety, self-destructive behaviors, suicidal thoughts or attempts, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual promiscuity, running away from home, fear of intimacy or closeness, extra money or unexplained gifts, etc.

All these signs obviously do not always have a direct relationship with sexual abuse and can be secondary to many other traumatic events, simply to say that, on many occasions, when suspected, they can be elements clarifiers. Already attending them and paying attention to them, whatever the cause, may be the beginning to get out of a situation that is beyond their control..

In any case, no one, no caregiver should face this type of situation alone. Remember that sexual abuse always occurs in a context of isolation for the child or adolescent. That is why we strongly recommend always talking to someone you trust, asking for advice and help specialized therapy and educate yourself about child sexual abuse through existing resources in your area of home.

It is good to be aware of the signs detailed in this article, as well as to feel comfortable talking about it. Most of the time the child will not reveal what happened the first time, and will even evaluate the adult's attitude when counting. If it transmits calm and confidence, it will be easier to tell. Sometimes revealing abuse takes a child weeks, months, or even years. Be that as it may, for this we have to have a reasonable understanding of sexuality, as well as the stages of sexual development in children and adolescents according to ages and always show ourselves calm, safe and empathetic with the victim.

Authors: Javier Elcarte & Cristina Cortés, psychologists specializing in trauma. Founders and directors of Vitaliza.