Pet Battle: When Our Loyal Friend Leaves

The loss of a pet, the mourning that is suffered when she dies is one of the most painful and stressful experiences that can be experienced.

It is well known that the subject of duel due to the death of a relative, friend or acquaintance, it is widely studied and, more importantly, socially accepted. But, What about when our beloved pet dies?

It is an issue that, despite becoming increasingly important due to the growing change in the role of pets in the family nucleus, continues to be ignored, undervalued and even denied. We will go into more detail below.

What we know about grieving a pet

Referring to the psychological impact of the grieving process for a pet, according to studies conducted by Field and his colleagues (2009), is comparable to that experienced after a human loss. The grieving process would have an oscillating duration between 6 months and a year, the average being 10 months (Dye and Wroblel, 2003).

In various studies (Adrian et al, 2009) it was found that this death produced emotional incapacitation in a percentage of 12% of people that could lead to 

psychological pathologies, although this is not the most common. In another study (Adams et al., 2000), these people were found to have physical and emotional symptoms such as sleeping problems, loss of appetite and feeling that "something inside them had died."

Differential aspects of the grieving process for human loss

As we have already mentioned, the process experienced by the loss of a pet is similar to that of a loved one, but despite this there are certain characteristics that make it a little different: the great feeling of guilt, social attitudes and the absence of rites.

Social attitudes

When this type of loss occurs, those affected may have serious difficulties in carrying out a correct resolution of the duel due to the harsh social attitudes they have to face, which is denominates unrecognized duel.

In fact, in a study by Adams et al. (2000), it was found that half of the people who had suffered this type of loss had the feeling that society did not consider that their situation was "worthy" of a process of duel. In other words, that said loss is not important since the deep bond between person and their pet is not legitimized and it is considered to be replaceable (Doka, 2008).

Unrecognized grief, then, would appear when a person feels that her process has no recognition or validation, and there is a lack of support for it. Comments that exemplify this could be: "it's not so bad, it's just a dog (or whatever species is the case)", "well, buy another one", "you can't leave your responsibilities for this", and so on.

As we have already commented, this type of unrecognized grief can hinder the natural course of grief since the person could force himself to behave "Normal", "as if nothing had happened", since it is what they demand of him, and he could also retain all his feelings internally and refuse to ask for help for shame. For all this, This denial of grief can lead to a complicated or unresolved grief (Kaufman and Kaufman, 2006).

Guilt in grieving for loss of pets

Various authors investigated that guilt is a factor mainly present in cases of loss of pets. This extreme guilt is explained by the type of relationship established with the animal and by the fact that the majority of deaths are caused by euthanasia.

The type of relationship is explained by the fact that the caregiver considers himself totally responsible for the life of his partner, which is why the relationship is one of total dependence. Adding to this that we would see our pets as defenseless, this would lead to a relationship similar to that of a parent with his baby.

Death by euthanasia would be a clear factor in guilt, enhancing it in most cases. It can be seen as a liberating alternative to the suffering of the animal but you can also have the feeling that you have made the decision to kill his friend, turning him into a murderer.

The funeral rites

The fact of being able to say goodbye in a formal way to the loved one is a key differentiating factor of grief in animals. The absence of this and many other rites can give rise to problems in the resolution of the duel since it is prevented to perform an act in honor of the animal and to be able to say goodbye publicly.

Although there are currently pet crematoria, this act is more of a procedure than a ritual, since the method It is usual for the services to take care of the ashes and deliver them to the corresponding veterinarian (Chur-Hansen, 2010).

Conclusions

The review of empirical studies leads to the conclusion that there is a grieving process in people who lose their pet. The impact of this is comparable to the loss of a loved human being and there is also a high probability of becoming a complicated grief due to the aforementioned factors.

Recommendations to pass the duel

The recommendations that we can make go in the direction of the need for raise awareness about these types of losses in order to facilitate this process to be carried out correctly in the people who suffer from it, since, in addition, it is an issue that is becoming more frequent in our society every day.

On the other hand, recommendations for people who are going through these moments would be to hold a commemorative act for the pet, a formal farewell to it. It can be in letter format, plant a tree, recite a few words in its name... there are many options, but expressing your thoughts in words is highly recommended as it helps to reorganize one's feelings and ideas and also allows us to capture how much the pet has contributed.

Another important measure is try to gradually reduce bitter thoughts and stay with happy ones, remember the many good moments that our partner has given us, in order to create resilience.

Last but not least, keep in mind that a pet is irreplaceable. It is not advisable to try desperately to fill that gap by having another, since a new pet is not to be a replacement. When the feeling appears that a good part of the duel has been spent and it is time, then surely there will be many animals waiting for them to be cared for.