What can a narcissistic person do to stop being narcissistic?

People with a tendency to narcissism often suffer from emotional instability and crisis in their relationships.

But luckily, there is no psychological trait that must necessarily remain at the core of someone's personality, especially if it causes problems. Therefore, in this article we will do a review of several tips to stop being markedly narcissistic.

• Related article: "The main theories of personality"

What is narcissism?

Narcissism is a psychological phenomenon that may take the form of a personality trait or a psychopathological disturbance, in some extreme cases.

To a greater or lesser extent, we all present a certain degree of narcissism that manifests itself through our actions when interacting with our environment and with others; However, some people have such a tendency to narcissism that it produces problems, and in such cases it is possible to diagnose a psychological disorder, as we will see.

That is, although narcissism can be measured quantitatively (it is possible to see to what degree someone is a narcissist), it can also be studied from a perspective qualitative, seeing if it becomes so intense that it constitutes a disorder, a clinical entity that appears in the diagnostic manuals of psychiatry and psychology clinic.

Now... what exactly characterizes people with a highly developed narcissism? Narcissism is a tendency to cultivate a concept of the "I" idealized and that, in order to be maintained, must be nurtured by the admiration and constant validation of others.

A) Yes, narcissism has to do with attempts to convince ourselves that we are someone of great importance, extraordinarily positive qualities, an exceptional individual in a good way. This idea that we are someone "special" makes us hope that the attitude of others towards us corresponds to the idea that we are someone interesting, with the ability to seduce others, either because of our academic or professional merits, because of our charisma, etc.

But although it is paradoxical, this tendency to maintain an “inflated” self-concept is a source of insecurities, and highly narcissistic people often suffer from very high self-esteem. unstable. And it is that narcissism can predispose us to extreme shyness, for example, since the possibility of experiencing rejection by others is very upsetting and generates intense fear that leads to avoidance. It can also predispose us to the opposite, to maintain an intense social life to maintain a circle of friends and acquaintances that provides us with constant validation.

In any case, narcissism fosters dependency dynamics and low tolerance for rejection and failure, which, as we have advanced, can be problematic.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Pathological narcissism is known as narcissistic personality disorder. This psychopathology is expressed through symptoms such as the following:

• Unrealistic and overly optimistic expectations about the deference with which others should treat us.
• The person feeds fantasies about her positive qualities, to maintain an inflated self-concept.
• You feel a lot of frustration when you receive a treatment that is "normal" or that does not favor you in front of others.
• You need to feel the admiration of others very often.

Faced with pathological narcissism, it is important to seek professional psychotherapeutic help.

What to do to weaken the tendency to narcissism?

The most effective way to curb the tendency to narcissism is to go to psychotherapy (and, in the In the case of pathological narcissism, all solutions go through having psychological help professional). But generally speaking, the following guidelines can help with moderate narcissism.

1. Develop tolerance for your own imperfections

This takes time and effort, but it is important to do it. It consists of exposing ourselves to what we interpret as our imperfections (psychological or physical) without trying to avoid those images or thoughts, in a situation where we can more or less control the time and degree of exposure.

For example, standing in front of a mirror and focusing our gaze on the wrinkles on the skin, or closing our eyes and remembering a situation in which we made a fool of ourselves. The idea is to keep our attention fixed on those experiences and perceive them from acceptance, limiting ourselves to recognizing the objective facts, without judging them as good or bad. From this node, you will have a more nuanced and balanced view of yourself.

• You may be interested in: "Narcissistic Personality Disorder: causes and symptoms"

2. Detect validation seeking behaviors

Try to detect typical behavior patterns in you in which you recognize a validation search (For example, always keep a steady stream of flattering selfies on your social media because you would feel bad if you didn't.) To do this, it is recommended that you use a personal journal.

After a few weeks, you will have already become familiar with many of those habitual behaviors that you perform almost without giving you account, and you can try to get rid of them little by little, even so that you learn to be able to do without them.

3. Prioritize honesty in relationships

To be less narcissistic, it is important to face the fear of rejection and approach personal relationships giving more importance to honesty on both sides.

You must be able to express your insecurities, and you must also be able to listen to criticism or even negative opinions about yourself. It is normal that sometimes this makes us feel very bad, but this should not always be the norm.

4. Establish a scale of objectives in what you want to achieve

Many people installed in narcissism see everything in black or white: either something is a success, or it is a failure. Stop at break down your goals and objectives letting them unfold in different degrees of achievement to be achieved.

5. Mind the importance of asking for help

Faced with certain experiences and emotional disturbances, you should ask for help. Sometimes to friends and family, and in the most severe cases, also to mental health professionals. This is not a bad thing, and in fact, Taking this into account makes you a more resilient person with a greater capacity to regulate yourself.

As a routine, close your eyes for a couple of minutes and imagine asking for help and getting it not in a way. humiliating, but human on both sides: you feel bad and the other person is involved in your case because they empathize with you.

Looking for psychotherapy services?

If you are thinking of starting a psychotherapy process to improve the ways in which you relate to others and to yourself, get in touch with us.

On Psychotools We work with the most effective psychotherapy techniques adapted to the characteristics and problems of each person, treating patients of all ages. You can find us in our center located in Barcelona (in the Gràcia district), and you can also opt for the online therapy modality through video call.