The 6 theories of interpersonal attraction

One of the main concerns that has traditionally invaded the human being as a social animal what it is, is the search for a person to fill the role of partner or partner sexual.

However, what mechanisms underlie the fact that we focus more on some people than others? Why are we attracted to some people and not to others?

Some theorists of social psychology have defined a number of theories of attraction that try to explain what mechanisms or steps a person follows, unconsciously, when feeling any type of attraction for another.

• Related article: "The power of looking into each other's eyes: playing with the laws of attraction"

What is attraction?

The physical or sexual attraction that people experience It is defined as the ability to generate and attract the physical, sexual or emotional interest of other people. Also, according to some authors, the attraction would refer exclusively to sexual or erotic interest.

However, it is proven that people can also feel a romantic attraction towards someone,

it is not necessary that sexual attraction and emotional attraction occur simultaneously, that is, the existence of one does not necessarily imply the existence of the other.

Research carried out in the field of psychology has revealed that there are a number of variables that influence whether or not a person may be attracted to another. The variables that influence the attraction are:

1. Physical attractiveness

Regardless of the conceptions that each individual has about who is attractive and who is not, this point has a very important weight when it comes to feeling attraction to a person.

2. Excitement

According to a series of investigations, contexts or situations that generate high emotional arousal they create a perfect environment to generate passionate stimuli.

In this way, people who are involved, together, in situations or states of tension, are more likely to feel attracted to each other.

3. Proximity

This is one of the simplest and at the same time most important variables. The spatial proximity factor is the one that determines how many people we can meet, and therefore with how many you can have the possibility of being intimate.

However, in the age of the internet, the so-called “virtual proximity” element that is gaining more and more weight, enabling people to get to know each other without the need to be geographically close.

4. Reciprocity

Demonstrations or displays of intimacy almost always produce more expressions of intimacy. These means that it is usually the people are attracted to other people who like them or, at least, those who think they like it.

In addition, reciprocity is often important insofar as it allows you to get to know the other. That is, people tend to be attracted to those who show themselves as they are. Likewise, when one person opens up to another, feelings of attraction are usually generated as long as it is reciprocal.

5. Similarity

This factor can occur in different ways, such as similarities in terms of age, education, economic status, hobbies, the self-esteem, etc. The more similarities there are between two people, the more likely they are to be attracted to each other.

6. Obstacles

According to this factor, as in the case of Romeo and Juliet, love increases with obstacles. On many occasions, the interferences that may arise end up further intensifying the feelings for the another person, or making two people feel even more united by having a "common enemy" to fight.

This factor can occur to such an extent for couples to create supposed external enemies to fight togetherHowever, it is necessary that these "enemies" are rather weak. In addition, this constant search for interference to enhance feelings of love can end up turning against the partner.

Theories of attraction

Although they do not have to occur simultaneously, all these factors and variables above are necessary. that are presented to a greater or lesser extent so that the attraction or even the infatuation.

As a result of them, a series of theories of interpersonal attraction have been developed that explain how the various feelings of attraction arise in people.

1. "Hard to get" theory

This theory is related to the obstacle factor in the relationship. The main idea of ​​him is that people are attracted to what they cannot achieve or that, at the very least, there are a great number of difficulties in doing so.

This observation can also be attributed to interpersonal relationships, in which both Men and women are attracted to those who they perceive as “difficult to get". However, this theory specifies that the attraction is not to people who are perceived to be hard to come by for others, but relatively affordable for oneself.

In psychology this fact is explained by the reactance theory, according to which many people want what is impossible for them to achieve or difficult to achieve. These individuals feel that their freedom to choose is being undermined or they oppose the restriction of their freedom.

On the other hand, this assumption also explains that a person who has never felt any interest in a third party that he has always perceived as achievable or available, he begins to want her the moment he stops be.

• Related article: "Psychological reactance: what is it and what are its effects?"

2. Theory of similarity

As described above, the similarity factor is a very important element when it comes to being attracted to someone.

According to this hypothesis, people tend to choose as a partner those with whom they feel comforted, and possibly the most comforting characteristic of a potential love partner is that looks as much like yourself as possible, at least in some fundamental factors.

3. Complementarity theory

Related to the previous theory, some researchers propose that people do not choose their partners for similarity, but for complementarity.

This means that potential partners are chosen because they are complementary to the person. That is, they have a series of skills or stand out in areas in which the person himself does not. For example, if a person describes himself as talkative, it is very likely that she will end up fixing her attention on someone who knows how to listen.

• Related article: "Do opposites really attract each other?"

4. Theory of sequential filtering

This theory combines the previous two. According to this theoretical model, at first the person seeks that the other is similar to him in certain basic aspects such as age, education, social class, etc.

In the event that the relationship prospers, and one begins to see the other as a potential romantic partner, they begin to in relevance the similarity personal values ​​and, finally, in a third stage the aspects complementary.

5. Stimulus-value-role theory

In relation to the approaches that this theory proposes, for two people to feel a mutual attraction it is necessary, first of all, that These correspond mutually to a basic level, this level is formed by age, physical appearance, economic position, first impressions, etc.

After the union, the person begins to give greater importance to the values ​​of the other, the relationship having a greater chance of success if at a deeper level people share their Personal values.

In the last stage of the process of attraction and infatuation, potential partners are discarded as long as the role issues are not compatible. Two people may have very close values, but over time discover that their role expectations as a couple do not match.

6. Theory of dyadic formation

This last theory proposes that for a relationship to develop in a positive way, a series of stages must be completed, otherwise, sooner or later, the relationship will be broken. These stages or processes are:

• Perception of similarities
• Good relationship as a couple
• Fluid communication through mutual opening
• Affable roles for each one separately
• Affable roles within the couple
• Dyadic crystallization: consists of creating an identity as a couple and determining the level of commitment.

All of these theories come primarily from social psychology. However, there is a group of theories called Practical Theories that are the result of the professional experiences of professional psychotherapists, which include Sigmund Freud, Abraham Maslow or Erich fromm.