Differences between love, sadism and sadomasochism

The masochism is defined as the sexual perversion of someone who enjoys being humiliated or mistreated by another person (Of. von Sacher-Masoch, 1836-1895, Austrian novelist). Sadism is defined as sexual perversion of the one who provokes his own arousal by committing acts of cruelty on another person (From d. TO. François, Marquis de Sade, 1740-1814, French writer).

Differentiating between Sadism, Masochism and Sadomasochism

These behaviors that we have always related as something unhealthy and related to sexual perversion, it turns out that they have a basis psychological, which is not very different from the basis that binds couple relationships, which are supposed to be based on emotional factors.

Psychological profile

Erich fromm (1900), a German psychoanalyst, considered that people in a relationship, emotionally dependent on others, tend to have masochistic and sadistic impulses towards their partner, as a result of the fear of being alone, explains it as follows:

The goal of the masochist is to abandon his own individual identity, which is free, since he considers that the condition of freedom of the individual means loneliness, something that terrifies him, so he looks for something or someone to chain his me. Sadism shares with masochism that fear of finding oneself only when it loses its object of submission. Therefore, the masochist and the sadist create the union of an individual self with another, capable of making each one lose. the integrity of their personality, making them reciprocally dependent, with a common goal, not to meet alone.

Thus, it is possible to differentiate between sadomasochism, sadism and masochism. For Fromm, in his book The fear to the freedom [1], masochistic character traits such as sadists tend to help the individual escape from his excruciating sense of loneliness and helplessness. And that fear is manifested in the following three possible ways.

Masochistic behaviors

• The person feels small and helpless: the person tries to submit to another, to which he grants an overwhelming force on him, he is able to convince himself that he cannot do anything to prevent it, since he recognizes himself as smaller and helpless.

• Letting yourself be overwhelmed by pain and agony, people think that there is a cost of suffering to be paid, but that in the end there will come inner peace and tranquility, we think that it is the price that must be paid for not being alone, even knowing that this end of happiness does not usually arrives.

• Surrender to the effect of intoxicationz: the person prefers to renounce his own self, his own personality, giving it to another individual who will make decisions for him, You will assume responsibilities for it, but by being part of a person, you will not feel alone and will not have to assume doubts in making decisions.

Sadistic behaviors

The person tries to dominate and have power over another, but not to destroy her but to keep her by her side.

In people, both masochistic and sadistic behaviors oscillate over time, these masochistic behaviors are present in couple relationships and are considered as expressions of love, sadistic behaviors are considered as expressions of jealousy and obsession with the partner.

So now, we can reflect on ourselves and question whether we prefer individual freedom and cope with loneliness Either we prefer to submit to someone or manipulate a third party in order not to find ourselves alone.

If you think you are in a situation of abuse, we recommend you read this post: "The 30 signs of psychological abuse in a relationship"

Bibliographic references:

• Fromm, E. (1993). the fear to the freedom. Masterpieces of Contemporary Thought. Barcelona. Planet-Agostini