Interview with Adela Lasierra (IEPP): self-esteem to overcome adversity

Self-esteem is one of the most worked concepts in psychology, and something that we constantly experience throughout our lives. It is linked to our perception of ourselves, to the notion that there is an "I", and precisely for this reason, it is at the core of our way of being and behaving. To learn more about her, we have asked Adela Lasierra, psychologist and expert on the subject, several questions.

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Adela Lasierra: self-esteem to keep moving forward

Adela Lasierra is a psychologist and trainer at the European Institute of Positive Psychology, one of the main references in the field of Positive Psychology both in professional training and in therapy. In this interview she will talk to us about self-esteem: what it is, how it develops and how it affects us on a day-to-day basis and in the challenges we face.

Many people do not distinguish between these two terms, but… what is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence? What is actually our self-esteem?

It is difficult to give a unitary definition of the concept of self-esteem because for each author who has studied it extensively, it implies different elements. Personally, I really like the approaches of Walter Riso, Enrique Rojas Marcos or Silvia Congost.

Putting all of them together, we can define self-esteem as the “internal photograph, and therefore subjective, that each person has of himself on a physical, psychological and social level”. There are people who use the word self-confidence as a synonym, but I find it closer to associating self-confidence with the feeling of capacity we have to each of the areas of our life (as professionals, as friends, as a couple, as children ...), and that in terms of self-esteem we call self-efficacy.

Why is the correct development of self-esteem important during childhood? What affects its development?

A well-known psychiatrist affirms that “childhood is the schoolyard where we play the rest of our lives”. I think that this sentence answers the question very well since childhood experiences are part of the explanation of the level of self-esteem with which a person arrives at the consultation.

At that time, it is configured based on the link with the parental figures, which can be of conditioned or unconditional love and of experiences with people significant: family members, later schoolmates... Later, adolescence will influence and finally the current moment, based on personal achievements and worth internal.

Can self-esteem vary throughout our lives?

Yes, it can fluctuate slightly and that is logical and normal. My goal in consultation is to achieve a good baseline based not on external achievements but on an internal feeling in which the person's experiences affect him but do not condition him. It's about feeling like a valid and capable person all the time.

How do the thoughts we have relate to our self-esteem?

They are the most important, the cornerstone! Working on self-esteem is working on our internal dialogue, that is, our thoughts. Because in many cases the person who is showing more and more frequent self-deprecation is yourself.

And emotional intelligence?

It's key: emotional intelligence is knowing how to choose the thoughts that suit you. It is taking the path of the brave: working on your well-being. The lack of emotional intelligence leads us to take the opposite path, which is the easy one, choosing, for example, passive complaint or constant criticism.

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Having good self-esteem is key to overcoming the obstacles that may appear in our life. Why?

Because the person who is going to get you out of all those obstacles will most likely be yourself. It's about turning your thoughts into your allies, not your worst enemy.

How can we cultivate good self-esteem?

It is a process that takes time and effort, just as if we wanted to achieve a toned body!

The first step I would recommend would be to work on selective attention, that is, to become aware that the mind sometimes distorts reality and we only look at the elements of ourselves that we do not like, both physical and psychological as when we interact with other people. We say, for example, "You were wrong writing this report, what a disaster you are" and we ignore that the rest of the morning you have been getting your work satisfactorily, without errors and on time.

It is necessary to stop zooming in on what we don't like about ourselves and see the whole picture. That does not mean denying reality and focusing only on the good, but, taking the previous example, saying “It is true, you have made a mistake in writing the report, but what else have you done the rest of the morning? You got the job done on time and with excellent quality "

At IEPP you offer a practical course in self-esteem and positive psychology. What benefits does it have for its participants?

The course provides them with a briefcase of specific techniques and tools to improve or strengthen their self-confidence. We specifically work on personal strengths, that is, the elements that contribute to people's well-being, which make their functioning optimal.

At the end of the course, if the recommended dynamics have been put into practice and there has been a proactive commitment to studying the video lessons, the feeling of Capacity and personal worth increases substantially and people get rid of many fears and doubts that were weighing down their reaching their potentialities. Martin Seligman, father of positive psychology, defined it as the "extraordinary life" and that it is none other than the purpose of study on which psychology focuses positive.