Feeling of abandonment: 7 signs that it affects you

Not all feelings correspond to the reality of the facts; some people have feelings that respond only to their own perception of things. Despite having no real motives, there are sensations and emotions that take over us as if they came from a parallel reality.

In this article let's examine the feeling of abandonment, we will see exactly what this irrational perception of loneliness is about and how it usually manifests itself in people's lives, bringing with it an intense and persistent discomfort.

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What does this psychological state consist of?

The feeling of abandonment consists of a state of mind in which the person shows states of anguish, which are expressed through the feeling that no one cares about us or that we will be abandoned.

When constant feelings of abandonment are experienced, a catastrophic style of thinking is adopted. That is, in any situation, no matter how minimal, the subject thinks that something bad is coming, even if there are no objective reasons to sink that belief.

Intrusive thoughts take over people's minds, causing them to have recurring ideas of abandonment; for example, "nobody wants to be with me", I am indifferent to others "," I have nothing to offer to anyone ", and so on.

The self-fulfilling prophecy

Despite the fact that these thoughts do not really correspond to the facts, something paradoxical happens. When we are in a relationship and we have the fixed idea that the other person is going to leave us at any moment, this ends up happening.

It is not a coincidence, far from it, it is because people with feelings of abandonment have a tendency to self-sabotage their relationships. They get away from people with the idea of ​​ending the relationship before they do, often unconsciously.

The ways in which an insecure subject sabotages his relationships generally have two polarities. The first is to demonstrate a feeling of attachment that is too intense that ends up pushing the other person away, in view of the fact that he begins to have overly possessive behaviors.

Another form of sabotage caused by the feeling of abandonment is based on an idea of ​​prevention exaggerated, where the person who is afraid of being alone takes the initiative and decides to abandon the other person to avoid going through the frustration of being abandoned, without realizing that he is being the architect of his own fear.

In many respects, feelings of abandonment can be influenced by attachment problems that arise during childhood, but they can also be due to dysfunctional social contexts already in adulthood: relationships that do not flow, isolation social, etc.

How does the feeling of abandonment manifest itself?

In the next few lines we are going to review how this feeling of abandonment is usually expressed.

1. Dependency-based behaviors

People who fear being abandoned they tend to demonstrate dependency behaviors in the face of social contact, sometimes even with the people closest to them. This makes these people adopt a subordinate role before others.

2. Affective flattening

Despite being only in appearance, when the subject has the constant idea that the people around her do not attribute any value to her, she begins a pattern of behavior based on affective flattening and low mood.

3. Almost delusional ideas

These types of ideas have their origin in the irrational thoughts that the person is responsible for feeding. For example, if I think that eventually my partner is going to end the relationship with me, I also begin to shape this scenario, and imagine how it is going to happen, in detail.

4. Exaggerated thinking

Another of the most frequent ways to show the fear of being abandoned it is taking beliefs to extremes, in an exaggerated way. The subject who experiences a feeling of abandonment thinks that when the other person does not show him constantly that she feels affection for him, it is because she does not love him at all.

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5. Repeat patterns of behavior

The feeling of abandonment is something that often comes from childhood, motivated by not having been nurtured during the early stages of child development.

Generally, this pattern is repeated generationally. That is, parents with feelings of abandonment raise their children in the same way, without showing them too much affection, either because of the feeling that they will also abandon them, or as a way to make them "stronger" in the face of a hostile world.

6. Submission

The fear of abandonment it can trigger attitudes of submission in the person, especially when he is accompanied by an intense affective attachment for the other person. In this case, the subject is capable of displacing her own needs with the intention of maintaining the company desired by him.

Submissive people can even go through a process of degradation and anxiety when wanting retain the company of others and put aside your own opinions and principles to please the other.

7. Obsessive behavior

This obsessive behavior pattern usually occurs in many ways, such as bullying towards other people.

An example of these situations are the so-called "stalkeo" which consists of meticulously reviewing the social networks of the person who is the object of the desire and collecting information regarding their personal life. Other forms of harassment can also occur.

On the other hand, some people desperately seek quick and magic solutions to their distress and They resort to places where they are promised things like "eternal love" through mystical rituals that end up being a swindle.

Bibliographic references:

• Bowlby, J. (1977). The making and breaking of affectional bonds. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 130 (3): pp. 201 - 210.
• Damasio, A. (2014). In search of Spinoza: neurobiology of emotion and feelings. Barcelona: Booket.
• Harris, M. (2018). Solitude. Towards a meaningful life in a hectic world. Barcelona: Paidós.
• Shaffer, D. (2000). Developmental psychology Childhood and adolescence. Thomson Publishing: Madrid.