New (old) purposes: why we fail to do what we set out to do

These Christmas dates are approaching and we begin to see what happened in our lives and what we want for the future. Taking stock is an interesting element to take into account and allows us to plan. But... Have we really done what we had planned?

On this occasion it would be good to ask ourselves why we cannot do what we always promise and give some clues to achieve it. Human beings are complex beings and there is a part of us, unconscious, with which we fight when it comes to taking action. The new year arrives, with it the new projects, and then, as the days go by, we get discouraged and leave them unfinished.

• Related article: "Types of motivation: the 8 motivational sources"

New purposes: two interesting questions to consider

To begin with, and although it may seem obvious, it is important to remember that all these activities require a job. Thus arises the mirage that magically and almost without any effort we are going to achieve a transformation, that just by mentioning it, that is going to happen.

Saying that we are going to start going to the gym makes no difference; To say that we will learn English will not make us English speakers.

It takes an effort, a job, to put a part of ourselves on that path. Without work capacity applied to it, we will not achieve the desired objective. In order to speak English, we have to attend all classes, do homework, complete exams...; In order to have the figure we want, we have to exercise it: go a number of times a week to the gym, eat healthy, etc. Definitely, we can have a lot of ambition, but without work capacity, we get sick.

The counterpart of this (of leaving English or the gym) is the feeling of failure, demotivation and excuses. "Why am I going to go if I don't see any changes", but... Have we done enough work? Do we really want that change? Are we willing to transform a part of ourselves? We will quickly say yes, because we have proposed it; but all transformation implies a metamorphosis. Acquire a sum of practices, knowledge and that openness to a new universe of knowledge (whatever this may be), involves questioning, rethinking, looking at yourself and being patient.

• You may be interested in: "Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection"

Progress towards our goals is associated with effort

When we start something new (an activity, a job) we must learn to be with others, be willing to learn, to tolerate that there are different and also tolerate that we do not know, that we are learning, that we are imperfect, that we have a time particular. That is often complicated.

At the same time, when we start that activity or undertake that new project, everything around us is mobilized, there is an impact on our relationships, on our bonds. We bring something new, we have modified something in ourselves: we add new ways of relating, we meet new people, new ways of doing, and our circle expands. This benefits us, and if we are well and wish to continue advancing on this new path, it is contagious; We allow that energy to flow around us and others to identify with our transformation, transforming themselves as well. However, there may be those who feel attacked with this new knowledge that we acquire and therefore devalue it, undervalue it and even discourage us.

The importance of the unconscious

Both the failure and the success of a project or activity they are linked, in a very important proportion, with ourselves, with our unconscious desires. And this is the other aspect that must be taken into account when reviewing why we are not achieving our objectives.

From psychoanalysis we work with the theory of the unconscious and we understand that the unconscious is the force that overdetermines us in each of the actions we carry out (without understanding from consciousness the because).

This means that, in all our decisions, what will rule will be our desire, always, even if it seems the opposite to us (there are pleasant desires and unpleasant desires; generally those that produce pleasure in the unconscious must be suffocated because they cause displeasure in the consciousness, that is the complexity of the subject).

We are subjects of language

In some way, the words of other people condition what we do, and they come to endorse, to fit in, to give entity to that which (from somewhere) manifests itself in ourselves. Many times this works as an excuse to stop the new thing we are undertaking, that which will transform us. Not everything is negative, many times, it also drives us!

Humans we are produced through the word. Since we are children we build our I with identifications, phrases, beliefs that produce us, and on many occasions it is these that limit us.

Fortunately those words can be modified, they can be changed and allow to build other significant, other beliefs that enable us to do more things, that enable us to produce new knowledge. Not to get sick.

We have at our disposal the tools to be able to build our own path and produce the life we ​​want to live.. Only we set the limits, believing in what we understand as the only truth. Psychoanalysis teaches us that there is no truth, but truths. And it also shows us that each one lives the life they want, even illness is a way to resolve psychic conflicts. An unhealthy formula, but the one that guy found. That is why it is vital to give him words so that instead of getting sick he can talk about what is happening to him.

Reviewing what we did in the past, from an analytical point of view, is of little importance for several reasons: firstly, because we can modify anything about what happened, and secondly because what we remember is tinged with subjectivity (they are memories cover-ups). What is relevant will be what we do in the future, the next word, the next action.

Let's start the new year not only with resolutions, but also with the desire to work to achieve them. The processes of change have a time and the path is made only by walking.