6 signs to detect emotional dependence in friendships

Personal relationships in which there is an affective connection are always as stimulating as, in many cases, complex when it comes to managing them. This is especially noticeable in family relationships, those of a couple, and in dealing with best friends; what happens in them has a great impact on our lives, both for better and for worse.

In this sense, one of the characteristics of these relationships that makes them more complicated is that the boundary between oneself and the other person can be very blurred. How to know, for example, when we behave in a way thinking about the interests of that person, and when we do it for our own interests?

It is this dynamic of "going beyond oneself" that makes some of these relationships generate dynamics of emotional dependence., which is problematic and leads to various forms of discomfort. Therefore, in this article we will talk about the main characteristics of emotional dependence in friendship relationships.

• Related article: "12 tips to overcome emotional dependence"

Signs that indicate the existence of pathological attachment

A friendly relationship can take a turn towards emotional dependence without either of the two people involved being aware of it. For this reason, it is important to stop and think about the extent to which common habits, ways of taking decisions and the way in which conflicts between the two are managed are beneficial for both of them.

Here you will find a brief list of warning signs that help to recognize emotional dependence on friendship bonds. Keep in mind that they do not have to be fulfilled all to be faced with a case of a problematic relationship with a friend.

1. One of the people gives up making choices that affect both

One of the problematic dynamics of emotionally dependent friendships is that the person in a submissive role assumes that she will not decide anything relevant in that relationship. It is an idea that is internalized spontaneously and unconsciously or semi-unconsciously, without the need for it to be expressed.

• You may be interested in: "Decision making: what is it, phases and parts of the brain involved"

2. One of the two people is afraid of the simple idea of ​​conflict with the other

Avoidance of conflict is one of the distinguishing characteristics of those who have developed emotional dependence. It is tried by all means not to upset or make the other person angry, which means always giving in and not making use of correct assertiveness saying what is important and what should be said.

• Related article: "The 5 keys to assertiveness in relationships with friends"

3. The search for validation takes up a good part of the free time

The emotionally dependent person sacrifices a good part of his free time to make his friend feel good in that relationship. Sometimes, even if that person is not there, they spend too much time making preparations "just in case."

• You may be interested in: "Time management: 13 tips to take advantage of the hours of the day"

4. The idea of ​​the other person breaking the friendship unilaterally terrifies one of the friends

Emotional dependence is also reflected in situations in which anticipatory anxiety arises at the idea that the other person decides to break with that friendship due to any setback. On the other hand, in healthy friendships, the fact that both parties enforce each other acts as a mechanism that provides stability to the relationship.

• Related article: "Anticipatory anxiety in personal relationships: what it is and how to calm it"

5. Insults or other types of aggression are normalized

In some friendships, insults are used in the context of jokes and games between whom a similar sense of humor. However, in friendship relationships in which there is emotional dependence, one of the parties can use real insults (due to its content and context) and the other sees it as something normal, expected.

6. It is normal that this friendship generates conflicts with the family itself

For all the problematic relationship elements that we have seen and that appear in friendships with emotional dependence, it is common that parents, mothers and siblings of the side that suffers the most get involved to try to make things change, either by ending that friendship or by making it change radically.

In this situations, the dependent person assumes “by default” that his family is wrong, by not being "inside" that relationship and not understanding it, so that they position themselves on the side of their friend in a systematic way.

• Related article: "Family therapy: types and forms of application"

Looking for psychotherapy services?

If you are looking for psychotherapy services aimed at problems such as poor management of emotions or mood disorders, or you are interested in attending family or couples therapy, contact U.S.

On Advance Psychologists We have more than two decades of experience treating patients, and today we work helping adults, children and adolescents. We also intervene in the areas of speech therapy, coaching, sexology, neuropsychology, and psychiatry.