How are the glasses from which you see reality?

Have you ever considered why people react differently to the same situation? Why do some of us face everyday problems with a more positive attitude and others seem like the world has fallen on them?

Let's imagine two co-workers who have to do a last minute project in a period of one week. One of them, thinks incessantly: Wow, I only have 7 days to do it! I'm not going to be able to finish it, with the things I have to do! " The second, on the contrary, states: “Luckily I have a whole week ahead of me; so I'm going to plan the week to organize myself better ”.

How will each one react? Will they experience the same emotion? The truth is that no. The emotional response of the first to this rumination of thought will be an anxiety response, to the assumed idea that he "only has 7 days" and the fact of "everything that comes to him." For his part, the second will experience an emotion of calm, given the perception that he has "a whole week" and "has time to organize."

How is it possible that each one reacts in a different way to the same situation?

The answer is in the glasses from which each one sees their reality.

• Related article: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

It all depends on perspective: the glasses with which we see reality

Although it may seem difficult to believe, the way we feel in certain situations does not depend on the nature of the event that occurs. When any event happens to us, the emotion we experience depends on the interpretation that each one makes of the situation. Depending on the interpretation we give it, this will trigger us to feel in a certain way and, therefore, our behavior tends towards one direction or another.

Under this premise then we come to the conclusion that in our brain there is no direct reaction situation-emotion, but something very powerful intervenes that makes us feel in one way or another: the thought.

Situation - Thought - Emotion - Behavior

If the situation of both is the same, why do they have different emotions? The fact is clear: our thoughts determine our emotions. The important thing is not "what happens to us", but what we think at all times. Thought is prior to emotion and that thought is what makes us feel better or worse.

How can we then control our emotions? What can we do to change the way we feel? The answer lies in learning to change the way we interpret events, that is, modify the internal discourse that we have with ourselves.

Ask yourself the following questions: "What I'm thinking, is it really like that?" would I understand the same? "," What would the person I admire the most think of that same situation? "," And my best friend?"

What really marks a vital change in our life is when we go from reaction to action, when we really understand that what we feel depends, to a large extent, on what we think at each moment, and not on what happens to us. It is then that we assume that, thanks to our thinking, we can control and provoke our emotions. We can be happy or unhappy, putting our brains in our favor or, conversely, against us.

But now let's go a bit beyond what we feel and move to the next level: our behavior. Which one will have a better performance when working on the project? It is highly probable that the second.

The answer to the first is anxiety and, as we know, anxiety blocks us, and leads us to enter a vicious circle of negative thoughts that, even sometimes, prevents us from action. The emotion of calm that the second experiences, when perceiving that he has a whole week to work, is more adaptive, which will help you to face the project more effectively.

Therefore, our thoughts will not only determine the way we feel, but also also the way we behave in situations of our life.

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How to change our perspective

An effective method of questioning our own thoughts is Socratic dialogue. Let's continue with the previous example of the first guy: Wow, I only have a week to do it! I'm not going to be able to finish it, with the things I have to do! "

• Scientific evidence (what evidence is there that I won't be able to do it in a week?).
• The probability that it is true (what is the probability that it is true?).
• Its utility (What is the use of thinking about it? What emotions do they generate in me?).
• Gravity (what's the worst that could happen if I don't really have time?).

Thus, we have to learn to identify our negative emotions when they do appear, so that when we notice that alarm signal, stop for a moment and look for the thought that has led to feel that way and, then, to seek an alternative of thought more adaptive. It is not an easy task, as we are deeply ingrained in our belief system and it takes practice and effort to modify it.

The lesson we must learn then is... let's not suffer uselessly! We have the ability to turn our unpleasant emotions (such as anger or sadness)... into more pleasant emotions (joy) and, as a consequence, have a more adaptive behavior. The key is to change glasses through which we see reality.