Free cruelty: possible psychological causes and consequences

It is sometimes heartbreaking to see some of our brightest and most capable clients come to consultation with their lives nearly destroyed.

And almost all of them have something in common: have been victims of wanton crueltyAlthough, as we will see throughout the article, in reality, cruelty is almost never gratuitous.

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What do we understand by cruelty?

If we define cruelty as the pleasure that comes from hurting someone, we can put aside physical, verbal or moral aggressions that have a purely functional character, such as those aimed at obtaining economic benefits or a better position in the environment labor.

The cruelty that we are going to talk about here is the one that encompasses most of the aggressions that we see on a daily basis, which tend to obey more unconscious motives. And it is important that we know the subject because one of the biggest problems that our clients encounter is that feel victims of attacks and do not know why.

Much of the psychological literature attributes these behaviors to the natural tendencies of psychopaths or perverts narcissistsBut if this were the case, it would affect only a small part of the population. But the truth is that the daily reality that we find ourselves is very different.

We continually see how normal people carry out attacks, often from anonymity, aimed at undermining other people's self-esteem and well-being who, apparently at least, have done nothing to deserve it. And most of the time, it is due to a deep sense of inadequacy or inferiority of the people who carry out the attacks.

Often, at the unconscious level, they perceive their victim as superior in some way: physical, intellectual or emotional. They see the other person as more attractive, intelligent, creative, happy, fortunate… and they cannot bear it. Because the truth is that nobody likes to feel inferior.

It is very important to understand that these differences are often only in the mind of the abuser, that they are not real. But the truth is that the strategy of these people is to undermine the quality of life of the other person to feel themselves superior.

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Forms of attacks

You can attack the physical, the esteem, relationships or any other important element of that person's life. Attacks can often be anonymous, as in cases of cyber bullying or gossip.

Other times they can be direct attacks when the helplessness of the other person is perceived. You can use personal ties, family ties, the level of trust, social position or the specific context in which it is known that the reaction of the other person is hindered.

Generally, this type of aggression is carried out in a context of impunity in which the victim does not want to, cannot or does not know how to defend herself. For this reason, a situation of permanent or temporary weakness often favors this type of attack.

But other times, the motivation is different: sometimes, what the aggressor wants is only to discharge his own level of tension from her and aggressiveness dumping it on another person who is put within range. And we must recognize that if there is something in our society, it is aggressiveness and tension, so that anyone can become a victimizer at a specific moment.

A third motivation is the creation of social pyramids, even in the context of relationships of any kind.. By pushing a person to the bottom of the pyramid, the aggressor automatically places himself in a prominent place, with which he sees his self-esteem reinforced at the expense of that of another person.

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The effects of this cruelty

If these processes are carried out unconsciously, the mental well-being of the aggressor is not a problem, because through the well-known mechanism of self-justification, it is always They will find plausible reasons for the victim to receive the mistreatment: she will be attacked for being too presumptuous, stupid, innocent, rich... always from the point of view of the aggressor, yes. All these judgments reveal, in reality, the shortcomings of the aggressor.

But let's not forget that there are also people (and they are not few) who are perfectly aware of what they are doing and they enjoy the process of systematic destruction of other people.

If the aggressions continue over time, especially if they begin in childhood, they will have a cumulative character that will deteriorate the psychic structure of the person and cause him to organize it around defensive mechanisms, one of which may be to become an aggressor in order not to be attacked.

Finally, it is interesting to remember that aggressors do not usually go to therapy, because, either they are not aware of the process, or Well, they are aware but they do not want to give up this type of strategy, since it provides them with numerous social advantages and emotional

Often clients who come to therapy feel bad, they feel that their world is falling apart, but they are not aware of what they have lived and what they are still living.

A process of rebuilding the person's life is necessary, of healing of psychic wounds, of discovery of the authentic desires and motivations of the people.

And above all, an awareness of true worth, talents and abilities is necessary.

And it can be said, without a doubt, that when someone decides to rebuild their life, the results are always worth it.