Why can't you be happy, not now or never; not here, not in alaska

They have sold us the absurd idea that you can be happy all the time. 24 hours a day 7 days a week. And not only that, but on top of that you have control for it, you just have to learn to be happy.

You can see for yourself with a quick Google search: "how to be happy". You will find countless videos and articles (even books) saying that you can be happy in 10 (or 5, 7, 35, pi ...) simple steps / habits / keys / secrets ...

• Related article: "Emotional psychology: main theories of emotion"

The harsh reality

I know you want to be happy, like everyone else. But sorry, you can't. For the simple fact that happiness is an emotion and as such it is transitory. So you can't be happy, you can be. That implies that later you will no longer be, you will move on to a different emotion, and that is something great.

All these messages that happiness depends on you are guilty (since if you are sad it is either because you want to or because you have not learned), which precisely moves you to want to learn more about the subject and transform this guilt for not being happy, into happiness. The fear of pain is combined with the desire for pleasure.

• You may be interested in: "Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection"

Happiness is an emotion

Emotions are a psychophysiological reaction, that is, a reaction of our mind and body to a specific situation (whether internal or external). It is our fast and unreliable way of assessing what is happening around us.

Since happiness is an emotion, it depends, as the definition above says, on the situation that is being perceived and is therefore transitory. The human being is incapable of (nor should we) reinterpret everything to be happy all the time. Imagine that you are in the funeral home for the death of a loved one and you are happy. Or that you are in a toxic relationship of abuse both psychically and physically and instead of feeling anger or fear you feel happiness, because you reinterpret the situation (to know how).

As you can see, these types of messages are not only guilty, but also dangerous.

• Related article: "The 6 differences between sadness and depression"

There are no negative emotions

First, assume that there are no negative or positive emotions. At most there are pleasant or unpleasant emotions, and each of them can be adaptive or maladaptive depending on the situation.

In the same way as the child who does not want to eat vegetables, because he finds both the taste and the texture unpleasant but it is healthy eating vegetables, you have to accept that there are emotions that you find unpleasant but it is healthy for you to experience them. Only in this way can you express these emotions and question them.

Now the question is not "How can I be happy?" Now the question is "Is this emotion helping me?".

In this way, if the answer is yes, you just have to live it. If the answer is no, you can start to analyze it and work so that in future similar situations it does not appear to you and you do not get carried away by it.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"

To think

If you had to define "happiness" or tell me what makes you happy, what would it be?

Are you thinking of actions and situations?

If so, imagine that you always repeat them. Would they make you so happy? Or is it precisely its scarcity (either in frequency or in duration) that makes it possible for you to compare it with the moments and situations in which you are not so happy that lead you to enjoy it so much?

Maybe, being sad allows us to be happy in the same way that fear allows us to show courage.

And finally, be careful what you consume and who you consume it from. I know I'm not talking about drug, but nowadays information is treated the same way. Or rather, your attention.

Tips to be happier

It would be incredible if now I gave you some "tips" to be happier, right?

Well, here goes one:

• Go to the psychologist.