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How can I stop thinking about my ex? 5 tips to achieve it

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The breakup of a relationship is usually a painful experience that, in many ways, can be described as a grieving process. That is, the end of the relationship can become, saving the distance, something similar to the death of a loved one, for example.

Faced with this discomfort and emotional pain caused by the breakup, not a few people are obsessed with an idea to feel better: "How to stop thinking about my ex?”. In this article we will address this question from the findings made from Psychology, many of which are put into practice in psychotherapy.

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How to stop thinking about your ex: 5 practical tips

In the same way that each relationship is unique, the emotional consequences of the breakup are also unique., and vary depending on the person.

Variables come into play here both of the personality of each one and of the type of love bond and model of coexistence. that he came to maintain with his ex, as well as his vital context (where and how he works, with whom he interacts on a daily basis, etc.).

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That is why the best way to address these problems is to go to psychotherapy, because it can offer you customized emotion management tools after studying your case.

However, if at the moment you have not decided to seek the help of a psychologist or you think that you do not feel bad enough to go to therapy, you can also benefit from some guidelines and strategies that usually help to stop thinking about the ex-partner. You can see them explained below.

1. Assume it's just a phase

The first thing to do is to get mentalized with the idea that both the discomfort and the goal of stopping thinking about your ex-partner are part of a phase, it is not an experience that will define the rest of your life. Remember that successfully overcoming the breakup implies being able to evoke memories of that relationship and think about your ex normally, without suffering great emotional pain.

Having this clear helps to de-dramatize the situation and allows you to start turning the page.

Stop thinking about the ex
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2. Don't try to block out the thoughts and memories associated with your ex

It may seem counterintuitive to try to apply this idea as a way to stop thinking about your ex; However, it is not. The fact of not trying to block certain types of thoughts does not mean giving up to stop thinking about something; to practice, it is necessary to make it easier for our mind to focus on other things.

In fact, if you try to keep certain ideas or mental images out of your consciousness, they are actually you will be giving more strength and power to come back to you again and again, and you will get the opposite effect to wanted. What you must do is accept that at first those memories and thoughts will be there, in the back room of your consciousness, generating in you a certain discomfort that you should not try to avoid at all coast. Just let it dissolve and go as it came, without focusing your attention on your fight against those emotionally painful mental contents.

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3. Do not spend your time on goals and projects that are based on assuming that he will return

Another basic tip to stop thinking about your ex is not to adopt a constructed lifestyle about the idea that it burns or sooner that person will come back to you (as a couple).

For example, it is useless if you do not think directly of someone for a while if you keep visiting certain places with the sole objective of exposing yourself more to it or to its social environment, favoring a reunion. Or if you continue working in a company only because that project allows you to continue earning money that you only need to carry out the family life plans that you have agreed upon.

  • Related article: "Behavioral Activation: one of the most effective therapies against depression"

4. Break the passivity dynamic

If you limit yourself to lamenting and "trying to heal" that emotional wound caused by the end of that relationship, it will take longer to overcome that crisis. It is important that you get involved in aspects of your day to day that provide you with experiences not related to the breakup and how bad it makes you feel. If you do not expose yourself to interesting stimuli, it is easier that the only thing you can focus your attention on are those memories of the relationship that has already ended.

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5. Maintain an active social life without obsessing over meeting potential partners

In line with the previous advice, it is important to maintain an active social life, so that you do not isolate yourself. Yes indeed, don't do it with the aim of finding another boyfriend or girlfriend that helps you stop thinking about your ex; In addition to harming that person, you will achieve the opposite effect, because everything in that relationship will constantly remind you of his reason for being.

  • You may be interested in: "Loneliness and mental health"

If the situation totally overwhelms you, go to therapy

Finally, it is worth remembering the advance in previous paragraphs: if nothing seems to work, there is still the most effective measure of all: go to psychological therapy. With the help of the psychologist you will have guidelines to know what to do with your emotions and your memories, and it will even be easier for you to know if, in the first place, in your case the most useful solution is to stop thinking about the ex.
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