Personal disconnection from toxic family relationships

The experiences that we live in the family context have a great influence on our way of perceiving and to manage both personal relationships and the relationship we maintain with our own emotions. That is why, in psychotherapy, one of the aspects in which we work to help patients has to do with the way they interact with their families.

And it is that the way in which we have been living together or sharing key moments with our parents, uncles, grandparents and other figures of reference has an important psychological impact on us, for good and for what bad. That is why, if those family relationships become toxic, we will most likely develop problems. psychological problems that are reflected in the way we try to make friends, communicate with co-workers, etc.

In this article you will find a summary about how emotional disconnection with others is generated due to having gone through problematic family experiences, and what is done in the psychologist's office to address these problems.

• Related article: "Family therapy: types and forms of application"

The psychological impact of toxic family dynamics

If each person is unique and unrepeatable, this idea can be applied as much or more in the case of families. However, they all have in common that they play a fundamental role in the development of the personality of human beings, especially during childhood and adolescence.

But Even in adulthood, toxic family dynamics contribute to social isolation for the sufferer. Not necessarily spending little time in the company of other people, but mostly finding yourself unable to “connect” in an emotionally meaningful way with others.

That is to say, the family is not just that scaffolding structure on which we build our skills to socialize, having practiced first with fathers, mothers and family members. In addition, it constitutes in most cases the environment that we understand should be our “safe environment”, in which the normal thing would be that our most important needs were met, including that of maintaining a certain level of autonomy and time to U.S.

Given that, it is not surprising that family problems have implications in all areas of a person's life.

• You may be interested in: "The 8 types of family conflicts and how to manage them"

Why does the emotional disconnection arise after the problems in the family?

In essential, emotionally painful or even traumatic experiences associated with the family lead many people to become socially isolated, consciously or unconsciously. Some of the causes that they allege are the following:

⦁ Fear that someone will cause them the same discomfort that they have suffered in their families. ⦁ Shame for the image they think their families convey. ⦁ Dysfunctional beliefs about human good or bad. ⦁ Lack of time or energy to cultivate friendships, due to having to deal with conflicts in their families.

How can psychologists help you with these problems?

As we have seen, each family has its own dynamics and characteristics, so any form of therapeutic intervention always begins by examining case by case what happens to the patient. Once this is done, psychologists establish a working hypothesis and propose possible solutions to help the person overcome her discomfort, in addition to agreeing on a specific goal to which she must reach (with the help and assistance of professional).

These psychological interventions to solve emotional disconnection can take many forms depending on the specific causes of the problem, but usually the following strategies and techniques.

1. Training in conflict resolution and assertiveness

As the toxic dynamics of the family are part of the causes of what happens to the patient, training in conflict management skills is usually helpful.

The objective is that, from the assertiveness, he can preserve his individuality and that he can assert himself before these members of the family that consciously or unconsciously have been contributing to the inability to relate normally with the the rest.

• Related article: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

2. Cognitive restructuring

The cognitive restructuring it's based on testing the beliefs the patient holds, to see which ones are dysfunctional and work against him when it comes to overcoming the problem he suffers.

Once that is done, ideas and alterative frames of interpretation of reality are proposed, which allow them to perceive what What happens to him in a more balanced, realistic and nuanced way, without falling into the pessimism that had been paralyzing. In this way, it contributes to improving the esteem, so that the person does not assume in advance that he will fail if he tries to "connect" with someone.

3. Desensitization to fear of rejection

Many people who have these kinds of problems feel an emotional disconnect with the people in their lives. around because they do not dare to open up to them, fearing that others will vulnerabilities. That is part of what happens has to do with self-sabotage: the person decides to give up the possibility of having meaningful relationships and to connect affectively with others because of the painful experiences that she has lived with her family, in order to prevent something similar from happening.

To resolve this kind of discomfort, psychologists guide these people through the process of testing these relationships. closer to the rest, so that gradually they see that it is not necessary to remain in that attitude extremely defensive.

Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?

If you are interested in having psychological assistance, please contact us.

On Psychoconsulting We serve both individuals and companies to help them address problems such as conflict management, the regulation of stress and anxiety, lack of work performance due to bad habits, low self-esteem, and plus. We offer face-to-face sessions in Barcelona, ​​and also through the online mode by video call.