Falling in love in adolescence: characteristics and associated problems

Love is a universal but complicated feeling. If in adulthood it is difficult to understand this emotion, it is more difficult during adolescence that it can be lived in a more intense and passionate way, but also in a less lasting way.

Falling in love in adolescence is difficult for young people and it is also difficult for their parents, parents who spend a lot of time sadness to see that your son or daughter is able to stop eating because they are constantly thinking about that person who makes them tinkle.

How does falling in love occur in adolescence? There are many signs that can tell us that our son or daughter is going through this phase, and then we will see what they are.

• Related article: "The 3 stages of adolescence"

The characteristics of falling in love in adolescence

There is no doubt that love is one of the most universal feelings of the human being. It is present in all races, cultures, countries and, of course, all ages. We feel love a few seconds after birth, when our mother and the rest of our family give us their love unconditional, manifested in the form of affection and protection that those people who will love us the most during our first years of life.

As time goes by and we grow, this can change. It is not that our parents, siblings and other relatives stop loving us, in fact they will continue to love us almost as much or more than they already did when we were born. Nevertheless, when adolescence is reached, the presence of another person, a boy or a girl for whom we feel another kind of love can be introduced into the formula Or, rather, romantic attraction.

The first love usually coincides with adolescence. It is about a love towards a person outside our family nucleus, with potential interest sexual and that can be felt towards a classmate, a friend or a person whom we see often. This feeling, if it occurs during our puberty, is lived intensely and with the clear interest that the person to whom we are attracted becomes our partner.

It is not strange that falling in love in adolescence is so intense, since that time is a turbulent time for everyone's lives. Hormones take control of our body which, to make matters worse, is accompanied by an internal conflict by knowing who we are, searching for our identity in a sea of ​​doubts, uncertainty and much, much instability emotional. We experience rejection in a particularly painful way and reciprocated love as a real rush.

But we must not confuse falling in love in adolescence with love. Falling in love is actually the stage that precedes love, being able to live in a very intense and passionate way. This period is so intense that those who live it think it will never end. But it always ends, both for better and for worse. There are two possible outcomes for falling in love. One is love, the happy ending that you want to have with that person with whom you start dating, while the another is the lack of love, the breakdown of the relationship or directly discovering that there was never any kind of correspondence.

In adolescence it is difficult for falling in love to evolve into a loving relationship as in adulthood. What usually happens is that the relationship lasts a few months, often with short-term crushes and even several at the same time. Likewise, regardless of the duration of our adolescent's relationship, it is important to understand that he or she she lives it in an especially intense way and trivializes her relationship the only thing that will bring us conflicts and dislikes.

• You may be interested in: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

Signs of infatuation in adolescence

Although falling in love is not something scientifically quantifiable, we can detect a series of signs that warn us that our child is going through this period.

1. Feel attraction to someone

The first sign that a teenager who is falling in love is beginning to feel attracted to another person.

You are not sure why you have noticed him or her, but there is something that has caught your attention, something that makes you want to know more about that person, get to know them in greater depth, spend time together. This attraction is constant and is acquiring more and more intensity.

• Related article: "The psychology of attraction, in 12 keys"

2. Note butterflies in your stomach

The adolescent begins to feel nervous every time he sees that special someone, you hear her speak, or someone simply mentions her name. These sensations are what we call "butterflies in the stomach", uncontrollable nerves, very intense but which, although confusing, are not unpleasant.

He doesn't know very well what is happening to him, but far from thinking that he has a stomach problem what he feels is like a tingling that may even be pleasant.

• You may be interested in: "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug"

3. You have lost your appetite

Butterflies in the stomach are not a stomach problem far from it, but they can alter eating behavior temporarily and not seriously. The main symptom of falling in love at the stomach level is loss of appetite, something uncontrollable and even surprising.

It is normal for parents to worry, since eating disorders in adolescence are a reality (anorexy, bulimia and binge eating disorder) but in case we know it could be a consequence of falling in love, the best thing to do is not force our child to eat. He can't just get his appetite back and make him eat when he doesn't want to, the only thing that he's going to bring us is going to be some other conflict..

• Related article: "Self-esteem problems in adolescence: what are they and how to help"

4. Need to be connected

Today's teenagers need to be connected almost 24/7 to their mobile devices, tablets, computers and any electronic device that allows them to use their social networks. This need increases even more when they go through a phase of infatuation, needing to talk a long time with that special person or, in case they are still nothing, consulting her status to know everything she does.

Youth cannot be forbidden to use social networks without further ado, that is why this need must be respected as long as they use the devices moderately and responsibly. It is essential to establish schedules in which young people can use their devices, but being aware that if They use them to communicate with their "crush" the best thing we can do as parents is to leave them a little more time, without going overboard.

But like everything in life, the abuse of new technologies can bring with it an uncontrolled obsession and, in some cases, deprive them of important aspects of your life, much more important than a hypothetical relationship with someone who does not have to feel the same as them.

Among the problems that can arise from spending too much time talking to the lover (and that are signs of a problem) we have:

• Worse academic performance.
• Difficulties in social relationships.
• Family problems.
• Inattention of personal habits such as sports, music and other hobbies.
• Changes in personality and personal identity.
• Irritability when not using the Internet.

5. Greater attention to your appearance

Adolescents, both in love and not, begin to pay more attention to their external image, taking care of their physical appearance. This is even more noticeable when they are in a phase of infatuation, wanting to get the attention of the person for whom they feel something. and hoping that they like their appearance.

Both boys and girls look at themselves more in the mirror, spend more time in the bathroom, do more sports, use creams, choose their clothes and combine them. As a general rule, men prefer to join the gym to build muscle, while women do sports in order to be thin, although having muscle mass is also valued.

The canons of beauty are changing, but just because they change does not mean that they are no longer harmful. Although there is nothing wrong with taking care of the external appearance, leaving aside the internal image, that is, its internal aspects such as emotions, your personality and your intellectual abilities can become very harmful. Thus, Parents should act as guides to prevent their adolescents from falling into banality and becoming obsessed with achieving beauty standards that are often impossible..

• You may be interested in: "Obsession for beauty: this is how it parasitizes our minds"

The importance of parents in this phase

As we mentioned, adolescence is a period in which there are usually many doubts, confusion and uncertainty. Like everything with adolescent children, it is essential that parents are there, acting as guides and showing their constant unconditional love.

It is normal for there to be conflicts at home with a teenage son, who prefers not to spend as much time with his parentsBut they should know and feel that when they have a problem their parents will be there to support them and offer help.

Every parent of an adolescent son who knows that he is in the infatuation phase should understand and respect him, knowing that it is normal for him to those ages show a certain rebellion and independence, wanting to explore a world as attractive and unknown as that of love youth. If what they are going to do does not involve any risk to their physical integrity, as parents we must allow them to do so, to feel that they have our approval and that we respect their decisions. We must not forget that we were also teenagers.

If we know that our son is going through a crush, it is essential that we talk with him or her, talk with them about what they feel. Most likely, they refuse to share their feelings and prefer to do it with a friendHowever, by commenting on it, we will show them that we are aware of everything that is happening and that, in case they need it, they can count on us to vent.

But the most important thing is to help them continue to develop their personality, and take care of the important things in their life. One of the dangers that an adolescent in love can commit is that this phase is so intense that motivates you to make wrong decisions, neglecting other important aspects of your life. As parents we must identify this problematic behavior, draw their attention and, if there is no other remedy, intervene by severing the relationship and, if necessary, consult a psychologist specialized in adolescence.