How does avoidant attachment influence adult life?

Much of how we are and how we think and act can be explained from the way in which we have become accustomed to relating to others. And to understand the latter, it is usually important to look at the way we live social relationships in our childhood.

In this sense, attachment theory provides interesting explanations to understand how the first years of development guide our personality, needs and vulnerabilities towards certain patterns of behavior and ways of managing our emotions.

Here we are going to focus on the avoidant attachment established by some people in their childhood, and on its influence many years later, when they enter the adult stage.

• Related article: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

What is attachment theory?

Attachment theory is a series of explanatory and theoretical proposals that attempt to explain the links affective based on social interaction that serve as support and guide for the psychological development of persons.

These links are especially important during childhood

, because it is in this first stage when children need the support of their parents or guardians not only to have access to resources they need, but also to learn and explore the environment, and to put into practice their ability to make connections with others persons.

Nevertheless, attachment is not only present in the first years of life, but is also projected into adolescence and adulthood, although based on what happened in childhood.

Thus, according to the psychologist John bowlby, attachment is constituted at its most basic level by behavior patterns that generate a predisposition to maintain a proximity with another individual, who is recognized as an entity other than oneself. It implies recognizing the existence of the other in a nearby space and giving signs of knowing that he is there, validating her presence.

But beyond these objective events, attachment also has a mental dimension linked to emotions and subjectivity: through attachment, each person involved in this relationship integrates the other in their idea of ​​everyday life and of her own identity, and associates this concept of "the other" with a series of emotions. That is to say, that attachment not only involves tolerating the presence of the other person, but in a certain way, it is made of a attachment figure a reference and support to structure day-to-day routines and what one wants in his life. Therefore, attachment is closely associated with love and affection.

• You may be interested in: "The Attachment Theory and the bond between parents and children"

The principles of attachment

To understand the way in which attachment is formed as a bond between person, it has been theorized about the main pillars of attachment, which are the following:

1. Attachment is an intrinsic need to the human being

The human being is a social animal, and therefore, we are all born with the need to establish attachment links from the first days of life. It is known that the little ones who are subjected to social isolation, despite seeing their biological needs and more immediate physiological conditions (food, water, adequate temperature, etc.), they develop serious health problems in a short weather.

• Related article: "What is social psychology?"

2. The well-being provided by attachment ties is based on the regulation of emotions

Attachment creates a relational context between individuals that makes possible an adequate regulation of emotions, and in this way, helps to feel good. This happens thanks to the ability we have to empathize with other individuals and get an idea of ​​how they feel.

By establishing a suitable attachment model, it is possible to adapt to the psychological state of the child and provide what they need in real time.

3. Attachment allows you to gain autonomy and the ability to adapt to the environment

Although the word "attachment" often suggests union (and in a sense, rightly so), in the context in which it occurs, it helps people to gain autonomy.

If the type of attachment is right, a good balance is struck between protection and counseling, on the one hand, and the freedom to explore the environment and learn for oneself, on the other.

• You may be interested in: "The 7 problems underlying emotional dependence"

What is avoidant attachment and how does it affect adulthood?

As we have seen, attachment is something that serves as a "way" or scaffold on which one's own self unfolds. psychological development both in terms of how we think and in terms of how we feel and relate to others. How we do it depends on the type of attachment we have established in our early years.

On the one hand, secure attachment is the one that is established in people who in their childhood have managed to have a balance between parental protection and freedom to learn and make certain decisions adapted to their stage of life increase.

Second is ambivalent anxious attachment, which occurs when the child feels bad when the parents or guardians do not. are available, but still do not feel good when they are around, since these attachment figures do not offer everything that need.

Third, we have avoidant attachment, characterized by uncertainty and not being able to predict what will be the behavior of the attachment figure, which generates anxiety and anguish in children and girls Because, the little ones who establish this type of attachment tend to seek their fathers, mothers or guardians much less, and their emotional state changes relatively little when the latter are available.

This form of attachment has implications for adulthood. If they never get psychological support, these people tend to establish relationships characterized by the search for a very high level of independence, even dysfunctional in many ways: emotionally significant relationships are avoided to avoid that affective ties are created that can generate dependency, and even the possibility of suffering rejection.

This predisposes these adults to suffer from social isolation and loneliness, noticing that they are missing something in their lives but at the same time refusing to seek that element in personal relationships.

• You may be interested in: "Loneliness and mental health"

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