Transactional mindset: what it is, and main characteristics

Have you ever acted thinking of receiving the same? Transactional minded individuals view the relationship as a business, as an exchange or reciprocity. That is, they will act expecting to receive the same in return.

Therefore, these people will not do anything for the simple fact of doing it, but with the anticipation of obtaining their own benefit in the future. They are subjects who have difficulties meeting their needs, who do not feel loved or are alone, and it is through the relationship with another person that they hope to solve all these deficiencies.

In this way, at first it may seem that they are very attentive people and that they look out for the welfare of others, but quite the opposite; finally the relationship ends up being very tense. The subject with a transactional mentality presents himself as a victim and blames the person for not meeting his expectations. At this point it will be obvious that they act for their own benefit and are not as attentive and generous as it seemed.

For this reason, it is advisable to flee from this type of mentality since it ends up generating discomfort and damaging the relationship with the other. Rarely will they be 100% satisfied with what they receive from the other person, since a perfect reciprocity is almost impossible.

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What is the transactional mindset?

Transactional minded people are the ones They value the relationship with another individual depending on what they get from him, that is, they expect to receive the same that she gives them. Therefore, these people present the following thoughts or beliefs: if I helped him with his homework he will also have to help me, if I lend him money He will also lend it to me when he needs it, among many other similar considerations, which show that they act expecting the same in similar situations in a future.

In this way, in transactional thinking relationships are understood and seen as business, as a trade, where they expect to exchange something with the same value.

The conduct is not disinterested, that is, they do not act with the purpose of helping or pleasing the other but with the intention that the other do what myself for me, therefore, it is a selfish mentality, that looks for oneself without really caring about the other person.

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Characteristics of the transactional mindset

When we evaluate the transactional way of thinking we observe two beliefs or two principles that are repeated and stand out from this type of mentality, two thoughts that constitute the basis of this mentality, and derive in this particular way of understanding the relations.

1. Give more importance to what is achieved with the relationship

Transactional minded individuals value and analyze more that they will or can gain from each relationship, that they can get from each person, that they take into account or be interested in the simple fact of having or maintaining a relationship. They focus, value, more the usefulness that the relationship can have, the interest they can see in it, than they enjoy having it.

An example would be to comfort a person when he is sad with the intention that, in the future, he will also have the comfort of this person.

This form of mindset is highly compared to negotiation. In this way, these people conceive the bond they have with someone as a business, as a way of giving something and then receiving it, they act on an interest with the prospect of getting something in the future. His thoughts would be: I help him because later he will help me.

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2. They give greater importance to their own needs

It may seem contradictory because individuals with a transactional mentality tend to have very attentive people, willing to help, to give you what you need, but If we know the purpose they seek by acting like this, we will understand that they do it with the intention of being treated in the same way, that is, to receive the same as they give.

Therefore, they are not acting for the benefit of the other but are ultimately acting thinking of a possible personal benefit in the future. That is to say, if they help a person it is in order to make sure they have help if they need it, not with the intention of helping the other.

They will see the other person as someone who can give them what they need, realizing for the other individual what they really want for themselves. It is still a selfish thought with the ultimate goal of your own well-being, even if it seems confusing because at first it seems directed at the other person.

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How is it reflected in relationships?

Once stated that we understand by transactional mentality, many will consider that they do not have this type of thinking and that they do not act with the purpose of obtaining their own benefit.

But it is inevitable on many occasions that thoughts related to this mentality appear, it is almost impossible not to get upset or not feel bad when a person you helped, whom you listened to when he needed it now is not there when you are bad and you need it.

If we do a favor for a co-worker We tend to think that if in the future we need a favor, he will do it for us.. In this way, at first we may not be aware that we act with that purpose, but when we we find in the situation that they have not corresponded to us as we expected it bothers us not to have received the same treatment.

Therefore, it is not such a strange thought, and many times we may not be aware of it, but it is not surprising to think that if we do a good deed, If we act for the benefit of another, we hope that this person considers this help, values ​​it and acts in the same way, as we believe it to be. suitable.

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The problem with having a transactional mindset

One of the main problems is the disappointment and disappointment that comes with not receiving what one expects. It is almost a utopia to think that we will obtain from the other person the same thing that I have given him, that is, It is almost impossible to receive what one thinks would be the right thing to do, since depending on another person, they can see or interpret the situation differently. and it is likely that he does not perform or behave as you expected, as you think was the right thing to do.

In this way, most of the time it is harmful to oneself and only creates disappointment to act as one thinks that others will act with him later. Similarly, considering or perceiving a relationship as a business or a profit exchange also does not help to really enjoy the relationship since you are valuing the other person as someone who can later fulfill or solve your needs and not as a friendship, valuing the simple fact of have it.

Transactional minded people are obsessive, calculate what they give and receive, memorize and remember everything they have done for others, so that later we can ask and demand that they act in the same way, as they expect. If, on the contrary, they do not receive what was expected, it will cause them great discomfort and they will criticize and manipulate the other to try to achieve their goal. They present themselves as victims to you and will make you feel guilty for not acting or not having acted as he wanted or in the same way that he has done for you.

Too they are usually people who seek to meet their needs through others, that is to say that others solve the conflicts that happen to him. In the same way, they are individuals with low self-esteem, who do not love each other and look for that affection in others.

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Run away from this way of seeing relationships

Getting an exact reciprocity is difficult, that is, receiving exactly what I have given is very complicated. For this reason, it is best to get away from the transactional mentality, since It will only cause us discomfort when seeing that our expectations are not met.

The healthiest way to act in the field of interpersonal relationships is without expecting anything in return, that is, acting because we feel like it but without looking for any kind of purpose. Show empathy, to put yourself in the place of the other and help him because he really needs it and not selfishly thinking that helping him means help for me in the future.

We have to give what one really wants and feels like doing, regardless of receiving this same behavior later. In the same way, carrying out a behavior only with the purpose of helping also generates satisfaction and well-being, we will value much more, getting help, love... or any kind of affection or behavior, it will be a gift for us since this more sensitive mentality does not expect anything in return.

Acting in an altruistic, generous way, without expecting anything and with the aim of helping, produces less frustration and less discomfort, improving the relationship with the other person since they will not feel pressured, and in this way we will live better and more happy.