The 4 emotional plagues in women

Have you ever thought if there is differences between men and women in emotional expression?

Keep in mind that one thing is the experience and another is the expression. The experience of "basic" emotions, joy, anger, surprise, sadness, fear and disgust, is universal. There is a strong consensus on this. What's more, all human emotions are necessary, also the most "unpleasant": they fulfill functions.

On the other hand is the emotional expression: how they show themselves to the world. Here education and culture come into play. Thus, through the so-called “gender socialization”, boys and girls are still more easily allowed to express some emotions, while censoring others.

The most obvious example is sadness: children don't cry. But... Of course they cry, since they feel sadness! On the other hand, girls are censored emotions such as anger to a greater degree.

• Related article: "Emotional psychology: main theories of emotion"

The emotional plagues that affect women

We are going to see the 4 emotional plagues in women, the ones that we are allowed to express the most but are not always allies of our well-being:

1. The blame

Guilt is a moral emotion. Without guilt it would be difficult to have a conscience and therefore ask for forgiveness to solve a damage.

The problem comes when we have not really made any mistakes, such as when we feel guilty for taking time for ourselves or when we scourge ourselves harshly. Or when we feel guilty about being successful, we feel like we have to apologize for it.

A tale about the guilt of women

Once upon a time, guilt.

Guilt loved her work; He spent the day distributing justice and acknowledging the mistakes made so that they were not repeated and thus repairing the damage.

But one day the blame she began to get harder and harder on her moral judgments, rigidly distinguishing what was "right" from what was "wrong" and punishing arbitrarily and disproportionately.

She took into account past faults, faults not yet committed and even imaginary or other faults. No matter what the women did, that was the fault.

"If our relationship doesn't work out, it's my fault." "If I am successful, I apologize, I feel guilty." "If I rest I will feel guilty for being lazy."

• You may be interested in: "What is guilt and how can we manage this feeling?"

2. The fear

Like other animals, fear helps us survive. Activate our fight-flight-paralysis system to help us avoid or overcome danger.

When does it become a problem? When we are not facing a real threat to our life or integrity. A typical example is the paralyzing fear of public speaking.

When it leads us to miss out on interesting opportunities, opportunities that are already more difficult for women to find. When it paralyzes us, etc.

A tale about the fear of women

Once upon a time, fear.

The fear felt great to know that it was necessary to survive: when there was real danger, it helped women to react. It felt useful, since the real dangers were not few.

But one day, fear began to take a liking to women's constant sense of alertness. Their knees began to tremble in situations that were far from being a real threat. The fear became great at the same time that it prevented expressing, going out, and doing great things.

"I'm scared to say what I think." "I'm afraid to be wrong". "I'm afraid of being alone and being rejected."

• Related article: "What is fear for?"

3. The sadness

Sadness helps us to heal wounds, for example after losing a loved one.

Also to get closer to each other, to relieve us. It is likely that if we express grief, people will come to us to give us comfort, provide us with support ...

But the sadness it becomes a problem when what we really want to express is another emotion, such as anger.

Also when the weeks go by, we remain sad and we do not understand very well why. Or we do understand why but it is beginning to affect other vital areas, such as the couple, family, work, etc.

A tale about the sadness of women

Once upon a time, sadness.

Sadness, she knew, was necessary to promote rapprochement between people, to gain intimacy and ultimately, to bring people together. The women joined in the pain and that was very comforting, because it relieved it.

But one day, the sadness overcame. She got hooked on herself, began to generalize, and gradually changed the lens of women's glasses for ones that were much darker.. Sometimes life itself had very ugly things, like inequality, but the glasses blurred the vision even more.

"I feel sad and I don't understand why." "Sometimes I think I'm angry, but I feel sad."

• You may be interested in: "The 6 differences between sadness and depression"

4. The shame

Shame is a social emotion, signaling to others that we respect social norms even if we have been able to skip them.

Unlike guilt, it does not take into account an action that we have committed if not our person as a whole. It has to do with fear because there is a fear of being judged negatively and with anger, which we direct towards ourselves.

A tale about the shame of women

Once upon a time, shame.

Shame felt wonderful for being one of those responsible for making positive changes in women. She knew that it was an engine of change, of improvement.

But one day shame started doing strange things, like paralyzing women. She amused him to dye their cheeks ruby ​​red, and to unleash their hearts.

Shame had merged with fear: fear of being negatively judged, fear of exposing needs and weaknesses. In addition, she had encountered the greatest evil in women: low self-esteem, always asking permission, always asking for forgiveness.

"I do not like to be flattered, I am ashamed." "I will be very embarrassed when he sees me naked." "I feel inadequate, weird."