How to get out of the role of victim in personal relationships?

"Why do I always attract the same kind of people?" This is a question that is often asked by the victim that lives in us, our ego.

First, look at the word "always." Is it really true that this happens "always", that is, that all your relationships are the same? No, but to the ego likes to exaggerate or dramatize. It is part of the victim role that he loves to play so much.

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The role of victim may be part of the problem

If we analyze our lives, most people suffer because they identify with the victim. They suffer because the couple does not do what they are supposed to do; they suffer because they do not have enough money to feel safe; they suffer because the boss has ordered them to do something that is not their competence; they suffer because they have fear of ridicule when giving a speech; they suffer because they believe that their body is not the perfect size; they suffer because they believe that they are less valid without knowing two languages ​​...

Ultimately, they suffer because they have identified with the victim. I repeat again: what hurts It is not the situation itself but to believe that we are victims of the situation, that is, believe ourselves smaller than we are.

From the point of view of the victim, the suffering is attributed to the external circumstance (the partner, the money, the time, or whatever) and we do not realize that we actually suffer because we have gotten confused with someone who we really are not. If you think that you are the ego (which is a specialist in playing the victim), you will suffer even if you get what you wanted. How many people do you know who, even though their lives have changed for the better (a promotion, the birth of a child, the recovery of their health, or whatever), still feel like a victim?

Another curious thing is that the victim believes that if she does not complain or suffer, she cannot find a solution. The victim believes that fulfilling her role (suffering) is how she will get her wishes.

We learned it when we were little. Do you remember when, as a child, you used to the tantrum until mom or dad listened to you? Based on repeating it a thousand times, it stuck with us that "you have to be victims" or we won't get away with it. Our parents also learned as children that "who does not cry does not breastfeed" and now, with us, they give up their power (they fall into the role of "savior" or "victim") before our tantrums, perpetuating what they learned from their parents (your grandparents).

The problem is that we "cry" (or complain) because things are not as our ego would like them to be. it's not a strategy that really makes us feel good (or make others feel good). As you grow in awareness and responsibility, you stop using blackmail and you stop acting to please other egos, and you discover another way of relating to the world.

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The victim in relationships

The role of the victim is clear in a thousand and one situations, and more in intimate relationships. When one person expects the other to do something different in order to feel better, they are saying to the Universe the following: "I am not responsible for my life, others have the power to make me happy; I consider myself less than the other person, please, Universe, help me ".

And how does the Universe respond? Well, with justice and without favoritism: he responds by breaking your expectations, with which, the other person (which is the Universe in disguise), does not do what you expected or wanted. The Universe is telling you, through its response: "Believe in yourself, do not look outside what you can only find within yourself; you are a complete being because you are I, the Universe manifested through this body ".

Do you understand why we attract the same type of people? Because we continually place ourselves in the role of victim. We attract the right people to break our limiting beliefs (Believe that we are less or that we lack something that only the other person can give). Therefore, the other person is a blessing disguised as a perpetrator or savior.

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How to get out of the role of victim?

When the victim is activated in us, instead of fleeing or attacking the other person, I suggest you do two things.

Ask yourself if you suffer because the other person does not do what they are supposed to do.

For example, you have fallen in love with someone and you notice that communication has cooled down, they no longer seek the conversation the same as you or as you would like. At that moment, the victim in you, who deep down expects the other person to tell you "I want you, I love you", suffers.

The question you should ask yourself is: do I suffer because the other person does not speak to me or do I suffer because they believe that I am not complete and do I need someone by my side to feel good? Take a few seconds to breathe and ponder this question. You will realize that you suffer because you thought yourself incomplete.

Then ask yourself "Is it true that I am not complete now?" That is, "Is it absolutely true that I am missing something now?" And notice that it mentions "now" in the question. I am not interested in what you believe (or think) from your ego (with all the cartoon mounted on how things should be).

I am interested that you look at yourself, observe and feel in the present moment and answer: "without identifying myself with the drama of the ego, is something missing in me now to feel full and happy?" And stop for a moment to breathe and let the answer come from your heart, not your head.

You will realize that now you do not lack anything. Only when you withdraw from the present moment do you suffer, that is, when you recall the past or imagine a future different from the current reality.

Open yourself to deeply feel the victim that lives in you

Instead of closing yourself to what you feel trying to convince the other or accusing the other, look within and open yourself to know the victim that has been activated within you. You should retire to a quiet place, where you can be alone and without distractions and sit with you. Let the victim speak to you and listen to her.

Give your victim a voice (expression) and find out their story. If you do, you will realize how that paper is designed. You will notice that he behaves like a 3 year old who feels hurt, abandoned or rejected.

Give yourself permission to feel that pain without wanting to change it. If you open your heart to those wounds that you avoided feeling, those wounds, with your consciousness or presence, are transformed, and in the end you find freedom and joy.

By delving into what you previously avoided feeling, you find yourself expanded, more integrated, more complete. And then you realize that you are not the victim but that to which nothing can be added and from which nothing can be subtracted.

You are the consciousness that does not change, that no one can hurt or hurt anyone. In that moment of connection with your true identity, you will stop believing that you are a victim. In that moment of internal enlightenment, you will realize that everything that happens in your life is perfect, and you will feel grateful to all the people who made you feel bad.

If you discover your true nature, you will leave behind years of cultural conditioning that has been instilled in us since childhood. Just like when you were little you got rid of the belief "Santa Claus exists and he knows everything" and no meditation was necessary to deprogram your mind, when you connect with the truth (that you are and always have been), the fantasy that you are a victim.