How does self-esteem influence making friends?

Having many friends of good quality has a positive influence on our self-esteem, but it seems that this relationship is also two-way. That is, if we value ourselves in a very positive way, we will be more likely to have good friends.

The way in which self-esteem influences when making friends is very varied, although we can already anticipate that if it is low, the friends we make will be short-lived or, in other cases, they will stay by our side just to take advantage of us.

Today we are going to find out how high and low self-esteem influences making friends and what are the aspects that intervene in our friendship relationships that indicate that we value ourselves little.

• Related article: "Do you really know what self-esteem is?"

How does our level of self-esteem influence us when we make new friends?

In an ideal relationship, both you and your friends know the value of the other and treat each other with respect and affection for each other. Friends are a fundamental part of our lives, people who can provide us with well-being and support.

The relationship between friends and self-esteem is two-wayIn other words, having good friends improves our self-esteem and, also, valuing ourselves in a positive way makes us enjoy better friendships.

In case of self-esteem problems, the quality of our friendship relationships is most likely not adequate. Like the saying goes, "God raises them and they come together." people with low self-esteem attract others who also have the same problem, emerging a relationship in which, instead of having support, we find toxicity, reproaches, submission and dominance and lack of respect. If no one values ​​himself, the less they will value others.

It can also happen that only one of the two friends has low self-esteem. Two things can happen here, one good and the other not so much.

It may happen that we are people with little appreciation for ourselves, but our friends do value us and help us to have a better vision of ourselves. But, sadly, it can happen that far from helping us and making us feel better, our "friends" take advantage of our insecurity and take advantage of us.

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Signs of low self-esteem when making friends

To understand how self-esteem influences making friends, let's start by looking at the signs about friendship relationships when it is very low.

Self-esteem is a cognitive aspect but, Like everything our thoughts are, they influence our emotions and, consequently, our behavior. If we have negative thoughts, we are more likely to behave in a dysfunctional and maladaptive way compared to what we do when we have positive thoughts.

Since self-esteem is synonymous with self-worth, self-respect and appreciation for who we are, our opinion about ourselves will strongly influence our state of mind and, also, our behavior, which will be evidenced when trying to do friends. If we value ourselves well, we will be more selective with friends, and if we value ourselves badly, we will not be so much.

Among the indicators that can be seen when trying to make friends that are directly related to having low self-esteem we can find:

• Choose friends who dump you, take advantage of you, or make you feel bad.
• Constantly apologizing to your friends for wanting to do or say something.
• Believing that you don't deserve best friends.
• Inability to accept compliments from others
• Difficulty looking people in the eye when talking to them.
• Assuming that everything said in a conversation is an attack on you.
• Losing enthusiasm in making new friends.
• Negative attitude towards life
• Clingy and codependent attitude with others.
• Inability to be alone, even if our friends hurt us.

• Related article: "Low selfsteem? When you become your worst enemy "

1. Extreme dependency

Low self-esteem affects the way you interact with others. Each friendship has its natural rate of progress, requiring a different speed depending on the person who has met. There are boys and girls who become our best great friends in a matter of a very short time, while others have a harder time, They need their time and create a space of trust and security to dare to take the step and use that word that for some sounds very strong: friend.

When you have low self-esteem, at the very moment you meet someone new you feel so insecure that you are very afraid of losing your new friendship. To avoid this, the person with this self-esteem problem sticks like a limpet to her new friend, tries to spend a lot of time with him, almost without letting him escape. The problem is that if the other person starts to feel uncomfortable with this behavior, which is quite likely, they will end up running away. Codependency and stickiness are repellants from potential friends.

This extreme codependency when starting a relationship will end up becoming the deep fear of feeling rejection again, so intense that it will cause us dread to meet someone again. That is, tired of meeting people, spending time with them, scaring them and feeling the bitter rejection again interpersonal, we will prefer not to go out in search of new friends and we will not dare to try again to make friends.

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2. Feeling that we don't deserve to have friends

Self-esteem issues can inhibit us from trying to make friends by believing that we are not worth enough to have friends. If you think that you do not deserve to have good friends, it is possible that, at the moment when someone invites you to meet up to go for a coffee or go to their party, We reject the invitation for the simple fact of thinking that we will end up boring him, we will dislike him or he will simply see that we do not deserve to be by his side.

Insecurity, an emotion typical of low self-esteem, can be so intense that we even distrust the nicest, most sympathetic and pleasant person in the world. We think that it is too nice that someone could take an interest in us, and we think that they are either kidding us or that they are simply wrong. As a result of this, you end up giving up trying to meet new friends and rejecting any opportunity they give you to start a new friendship.

• Related article: "Pessimistic personality: what 6 traits characterize it?"

3. Low self-esteem and toxic relationships

You must be careful with the types of friends you make. You may be surrounded by people who are not going to do you well, but you keep meeting them because you find it difficult to find new friends.

If you think you don't deserve to have good friends, it is likely that you will end up with people who treat you badly, people who take advantage of you. Because you don't think you can hope for more, you let yourself be trampled on by those who claim to be your friends but who are actually your emotional abusers.

To escape this suffocating trap of having toxic friends, it is necessary to stop for a second and look objectively at the type of friendships we have. Do your friends make you feel bad? Among the things that toxic "friends" do we have:

• They verbally abuse you, making fun of you and giving you disrespectful nicknames.
• They constantly criticize you.
• They do not allow you to speak: they do not value your opinion or take your wishes into account.
• They only remember you when they need something.
• If you need anything from them, they are simply not available.

To face this unfair situation, try to distance yourself from these types of people and look for others. It's going to take a while to make new friends, but it's not going to be too long, and in fact sooner or later you're going to end up surrounded by best friends, people who will feed your self-esteem with positive and motivating comments, valuing you as are.

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4. High self-esteem and friendship relationships

There are several characteristics that we can find in friendship relationships that are worthwhile. This type of relationship is nurtured and consolidated thanks to the fact that the self-esteem of its members is not on the ground..

In case there is someone who has self-esteem problems, the other members of the group of friends support him, try to encourage him and make him see that there are many good things that make up his person.

In friendship relationships where its members have good self-esteem, we see:

• The relationship is based on mutual respect and affection.
• Rivalry is low and support is high.
• There are more positive than negative interactions.
• Disagreements do not challenge the relationship.
• The apologies are sincere and heartfelt by both parties.

Having high self-esteem also implies high esteem for others. Arrogance, pride, and self-centeredness are very often mistaken for high self-esteem, but it is not actually genuine self-esteem..

True self-esteem implies respecting and valuing oneself, but keeping in mind that we are not perfect or superior to others, that each one has their strengths and weaknesses. People with truly high self-esteem make the people around them feel good, too.