How do you know when to go to family therapy?

The family is that social group whose ties are usually the strongest that a person can have. Generally, the members of a family tend to have a good relationship with each other, although, Sometimes conflictive situations may arise, enough that you need to go to therapy family.

This term will sound alarming to more than one, but it should not be. In the same way that we need to go to the dentist when a tooth hurts or visit the mechanic when the car does not work, yes our family has problems, it is necessary to receive some kind of professional help to be able to solve the situation dysfunctional.

Every family is different and the way they handle their difficulties is different too. There will be situations that will require more professional help than others, and then we will discover them by watching how to know when to go to family therapy.

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How do you know when to go to family therapy?

Our personal health depends a lot on our family relationships. As a general rule, the family can serve as a protective factor against the development of some psychological problems, although it is also true that

can be the source of stress and anxiety. This is normal, since in all families there are good and bad moments, crisis situations and times in which the changes are such that it is difficult to live them impassively.

Many situations of change are perfectly normal and it is usually a mere matter of time before their members end up adapting to it. For example, when there is a birth, when someone dies at an advanced age or when they change their home, the normal thing is that there are changes in the dynamics, roles and feelings of the members of the nucleus family. However, all these situations are typical of an average family, something that we will end up accepting although, sometimes, with some difficulty.

But there are also unexpected situations, such as the accidental death of a young child, separation from parents, bad relationships between the children or any other highly destabilizing situation that will require external help so that the family can overcome. This is where the importance of family therapy comes in, something that helps families from outside, with a professional who takes a neutral, objective and active stance in the analysis and resolution of dysfunction in which the members of that family nucleus have been immersed.

Having the need to go to family therapy is nothing to be ashamed of, since the perfect family does not exist. Throughout the history of each family that inhabits our planet there will be crisis situations that its members will not be able to resolve on their own.

Receiving help from outside is the best way for the family to regain stability or, in case they never had it, finally have it. The mental health of all its members depends on it, so you should never see going to a professional for family conflicts as something exaggerated or typical of a failed family.

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Situations worked on in family therapy

Family therapy is usually provided by a psychologist, although it can also be done become a clinical social worker or therapist who is accredited by an institution specialized. This type of treatment is usually performed looking at the short term, and it can involve both all members of the family (which is preferable) or only to those who have dared to seek help, although it should be noted that it is difficult to do family therapy if you do not work with all the family.

Some prototypical situations for which this type of therapy is used have:

• Conflicting relationships between family members.
• Mental disorder and / or addiction of any of the family members.
• Traumatic experience by one or more members (traffic accident, natural disaster ...)
• Death of one of its members.
• High tension and stress due to recent causes such as change of residence, country ...

A) Yes, conflicts are moments of evolution and growth of the family. As a general rule, they are not usually pathological, although they do imply some dysfunction, although they do They can be serious such as mistreatment, the experience of a traffic accident or the disappearance of a child. There is also the case of conflicts that transcend generations, being inherited and generating tension for a long time, even to people who do not quite understand why it arose in a beginning.

It is, in fact, a great and common problem in every family their inability to identify the root of the conflict. As he is clearly not neutral in this situation, his lack of objectivity makes it difficult to see clearly what the trigger was and what aggravated the whole situation to get to where they are today. In this case, family therapy is very necessary, because the professional will be able to discover things that the family has not been able to see and identify what originated it.

Among the types of conflicts worked on in family therapy we have the following.

1. Crisis of evolution or of the life cycle of the family

Evolution crises are those related to natural changes in a familysuch as the birth of a baby, the marriage of adult children, or the retirement of parents.

They are normal and expected changes, not pathological, but that sometimes appear in such a dramatic and sudden way that it is impossible to live them impassively. Conflicts are aggravated when the family tries to prevent the crisis without having the necessary resources to do so.

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1.1. External crises

External shocks are related to some kind of unexpected event. An example of this is the death of one of its members due to an accident, the sudden dismissal of the father or the illness of one of his children.

They are experiences lived as very unfair but that could not be controlled and, sometimes, the family resorts to one of its members to blame him, this being the dysfunctional and pathological part of this type of crisis.

It is difficult to adapt to this type of situation without resorting to adequate help or lacking the necessary psychological, physical and financial resources. In fact, before situations as unpredictable as the death of loved ones by accident, survivors can start to spin them over and over again trying to figure out what they might have been done to prevent the event from happening, despite the fact that it was most likely inevitable.

1.2. Structural crisis

Structural crises are considered the most complicated, since involve the family repeating old crises, bringing them up each time there is a new conflict. They are not able to overcome the problems of the past, nor to manage them either, so they are revived.

This type of crisis is fueled by the bad relations between several of its members, which far from overcoming the enmities feed them with new conflicts, although these bad relationships are maintained internally and covert.

1.3. Attention crisis

Care crises are common in families where one of their members suffers from a chronic illness or disability, making him extremely dependent on the other members.

The dependent person becomes the center of attention, while other members may be left behind or their needs may even be neglected. The crisis occurs when the other members are limited in their daily habits, activities and expectations by the demands of one of their members.

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2. Obstacles that hinder change

They are various the obstacles that can prevent a family from overcoming a crisis and initiating the change towards a more stable and well-being state. Obstacles are often hidden, making it difficult for the family to recognize and overcome them on their own. Among them we can find the following:

2.1. Communication problems

Communication problems have to do with the fact that family members do not tell each other things assertively and totally sincere. This is an aspect in which both the sender and the receiver are involved, that is, the problem may be that whoever says things says things too much abrupt and without explaining everything he feels or that, also, the other person is unable to understand the things that are said to him, or interprets them in a hostile way and gets to the defensive.

2.2. Roles

As in any other social group, in the family there are roles assigned to each of its members. Dysfunctionality arises when these roles become either very rigid or are systematically violated.

23. Rules

In every family it is normal that there are rules, maxims that allow or prohibit doing certain things. They become dysfunctional when these rules are either too demanding and lack any sense or justice or are not followed, characteristics of the authoritarian and laissez faire parental styles, respectively.

2.4. Historical

Historical obstacles are all those questions and problems that have not been solved throughout the history of the family, and that they come back and hang around and haunt the family for a long time, maybe even passed from generation to generation.

How can you deal with a family crisis?

No family is the same, nor are the conflicts and problems that affect it. In order to cope with a family crisis, the family's ability to cope with problems must first be assessed. There are many factors that intervene in this, among them the communication capacity, organization, resources, limitations and belief systems by which the family nucleus is governed. The processes that will help the family to cope with crises can come from within, from their family and friends, or from the outside, in the form of professional help and social support.

To understand your own conflicts and overcome them, It is necessary for the family to maintain an open posture and be willing to receive help from outside, real and professional help such as that offered by the psychologist. Communication between its members must be sincere, breaking the taboos within the family. It is also important to have a social network that acts as a true support in unfavorable circumstances.