The 10 consequences of parental abandonment

Every boy and girl needs parents to grow well. You may be raised in a family with a mom and dad, or there may be two fathers or two mothers. It can also happen that he only has one parent to take care of him. The important thing is the love and care that their reference adults give them.

Now, regardless of the type of family, the fact that one of the parents leaves the family nucleus or not taking care of their own children is something that will have a very negative impact on the mental health of the little ones.

Next We will see the consequences of parental abandonment, understood both by the father and the mother, and what it can mean when the infant reaches adulthood.

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Main consequences of parental abandonment

All children need the protection of their parents in order to develop fully. Although the traditional thing is to have a father and a mother, science has been able to show that being the son of a homosexual couple or being the child of a single mother or father does not harm the mental health of children and girls The myth that a male model is needed, represented in the father, and a female model, represented in the mother, as protective factors against psychopathology is increasingly overcome.

However, what does affect the mental health of the child is having been born into a family with two parents, of whatever gender, and that one of them, in the middle of the infant's growth, leaves the nucleus family. It can also happen that the father or mother does not pay attention to their children, and that, although they are still in the family nucleus, their presence is rather virtual. It may happen that mom or dad comes too tired or tired from work, has no interest in caring for her children and leaves the job to the other parent.

This disinterest in the child, either because he is no longer part of the family or because he is too busy with other tasks, is parental abandonment. We should not think that with the word paternal we refer only to "the father", but to any parent. As they are figures of protection and attachment, if the parents ignore the child who trusted to be cared for by them, they cause very serious psychological damage, which can condition his growth and adult life.

The family environment and its stability play a fundamental role in the emotional development of the infant, in addition to facilitating his psychic maturation. In the first years of life the infant needs routine in terms of parental relationships. If he was born in a family with two parents, it will be very disruptive for the child to see one of them move away, either abruptly or little by little. The effects of the first contacts with mom or dad are very strong on the child's mind, so that one of those figures disappears can be really harmful.

Understanding all this, we can understand what are the main consequences of parental abandonment in childhood.

1. Not feeling loved

It is very common among children who have suffered parental abandonment not to feel loved. If the abandonment has been because mother or father is hardly ever at home, the child may interpret that she is not because she is not interested in spending time with her child. This makes them feel that they are not enough for their own parents, and that they are not worth it.

Another situation that can occur is that the parent has left the family nucleus as a result of a divorce process. If the child does not understand the situation well or it has not been explained to him what has happened, adapted to her level, she can interpret it as that her father or mother has left because she did not want to see him anymore.

It may happen that, in the event of a separation or divorce, the parent who has retained custody has a new partner. Always depending on the relationship that this new person has with the child, it can serve as a factor of protection, given that this new parent can very beneficially substitute the figure of the father who is she has gone. Likewise, the fact that a father or mother leaves is a very difficult void to fill.

2. Excessive dependency

In families with two parents, when one of them leaves the family nucleus, it is the parent who remains solely in charge of caring for the child. The child, seeing that only that father or mother remains, is overly attached to him or her, developing a relationship of excessive dependence.

It is normal to expect that during the first weeks after a separation of the parents the child shelters in the figure of the father who has remained. The problem is when, after a while, he does not detach himself from it, and does not dare to discover the world beyond the protection that his father or mother gives him.

This will affect his social development, since he will not interact as much with his schoolmates or neighbors. He will be afraid that if he is separated for an instant from his father or mother, he will do the same thing that the other parent did. So that, the child will miss such enriching experiences during childhood like playing with other children, going camping, hiking, having extracurricular activities ...

3. Fear of developing a deep attachment

It may happen that after the abandonment that the child is afraid to establish deep relationships, especially with the new partner of the father who now takes care of him. This is due to He fears that the same thing that happened to him could happen to the father who has abandoned them: If you establish a deep attachment to him and then he leaves too, the child will be very damaged.

4. School instability

Although this does not have to happen always, it has been seen that children who have experienced the abandonment of their parents, whether the father has left the family nucleus or simply ignores it, they have an academic performance worse.

It is often the case that the parent who does spend time with them is too overwhelmed to help with homework or any academic problems they may have., while the other is simply not aware of what is happening at school.

5. Aggressive behavior

Parental neglect can make the child very hostile. This may be because he is angry with what has happened to him, frustrated by the departure of his parent or because he becomes defensive thinking that his other parent is going to do the same to him late or early. Too can pay it with the new partner of his father or mother, seeing him as a substitute and thinking that it is the reason why he does not return.

But the most common cause of aggressive behavior is that you think it is your fault. You feel very angry with yourself because he thinks he or she did something wrong, that precipitated the abandonment of his father. As he does not have the linguistic ability to explain it or ask his other father what he really happened, the situation overwhelms him and he ends up paying it with anyone or in the form of tantrums

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Consequences in adulthood

Although in the first years after the departure of the parent there are many consequences, in adulthood the consequences they may be worse if you did not receive psychological therapy or did not understand why your father or mother left you.

1. Emotional intelligence problems

They have trouble identifying their emotions and those of others. They are easily stressed and cannot explain what they feel. They have trouble understanding what others are feeling, and their emotional self-regulation is little or nonexistent.

2. Little psychological flexibility

Changes are bad, such as changing jobs, homes, cities... They are not very flexible behaviorally, seeing in the changes of their routine something really unapproachable. This causes them a lot of suffering and anxiety.

3. Increased risk of addictions

Although this does not have to always be the case, it has been seen that people who have experienced strong parental abandonment take refuge in addictive behaviors. Either by taking drugs such as alcohol, tobacco or illegal drugs, or through obsessive behaviors such as sex addiction, a pornography or video games, all these types of psychological problems are common in people who are victims of this type of abandonment.

4. Passivity in relationships

For fear that their friends, family or important people will abandon them too, the victims of parental neglect in childhood can become excessively complacent, up to a pathological point. They can even allow really toxic behaviors, that hurt them, but for fear of living again the departure of someone they love, they even tolerate mistreatment and disrespect.

5. Higher psychopathological risk

Parental abandonment in childhood, if not properly intervened, can be a risk factor in the mental health of the child once he is an adult. Mood disorders such as depression, anxiety disorders or even personality disorders are psychopathological conditions that can occur in this type of population.

It is for this very important reason, on the part of the parent who has custody of the child or who spends a lot of time with him, to ensure that he receives the proper psychological attention. Thus, thanks to therapy, the child will learn strategies to know how to handle everything that she is experiencing, and prevent that once an adult manifests consequences even more serious than those that can experience in the short term term.

Final reflection

It is clear that parental abandonment in childhood implies serious consequences for the health of the child if the situation is not properly managed. Although each family is different and may have effective strategies to prevent the child from suffering the consequences after a divorce, breakup or lack of interest from the father, it is very important to go to psychological therapy to make sure that the explained consequences are not given throughout this article.

Likewise, it must be understood that because a father or mother is missing, it does not necessarily have to be all the problems that we have explained. Science has shown that two parents are not necessary to be able to develop fully, although if one disappears when the child is growing it can harm him. Likewise, it is important to understand that abandonment can occur without the parent having abandoned. the family nucleus, with which it is essential that, if there is still time, spend more time with our sons.

Bibliographic references:

• Arredondo, V.. (1998). Child abuse: basic elements for its understanding. Viña del Mar. Paicabi.
• Goleman, D. (1996). Emotional intelligence: A new vision for educators. PsycEXTRA Dataset.
• Eisenberger, N. I.; and Lieberman, Matthew D. (2004-7). Why rejection hurts: a common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences 8 (7): 294-300.
• Rosenthal, M.Z., Gratz, K.L., Kosson, D.S., Cheavens, J.S., Lejuez, C.W., and Lynch, T.R. (2008). Borderline personality disorder and emotional responding: A review of the research literature. Clinical Psychology Review, 28 (1), 75-91. doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2007.04.001.
• Coe, C. L.; Wiener, S. G.; Rosenberg, L. T. and Levine, S. (1985). The Psychobiology of Attachment and Separation. Elsevier. pp. 163-199.