The biochemistry of falling in love

The biochemistry of love alters our behaviors and generates different sensations..

That is why when we enter the experience of love and falling in love we can do “crazy things”, or act differently than we would without being in love. This chemistry, these sensations, last two to four years as long as the relationship is maintained.

• Related article: "What is love? (And what isn't)"

Neurochemistry of infatuation

The neurochemistry of love generates a distinctly pleasant sensation; the brain in love works in a different way, so that in this process we experience certain sensations of ecstasy very similar to the brain of the addict.

In fact, reward circuits are activated in much the same way as they do in the brain of a person with a diagnosable addiction. It is closely linked to these dependency processes in terms of the activation of substances in the nervous system such as serotonin, oxytocin and dopamine, among others.

Phases of the process

When we fall in love there are two great phases. The first phase lasts around three years; during these years the hormones we were talking about are found to a greater extent in us.

After this stage comes a phase in which this hormone concentration drops, which is understood by many couples as synonymous with crisis. But it does not have to be that way, and in fact, a much more mature, more nurturing love can arrive in which it matters more to have a vital project together.

Two complementary parts

There are studies that indicate the importance of fluid exchange when it comes to falling in love. In particular, the one that occurs when we kiss the other person, at which time we unconsciously we detect if you have the antibodies we need. From this exchange of fluids and the influence of hormones, in part, we fell in love in about five months on average.

After this we enter the stage of infatuation with the great hormonal concentration, and during these three years (approximately) it is much more difficult to break relationships, because for this you would have to fight against your own hormones.

Later on, reason comes into play. In this phase we think about whether the other person likes us, if she complements us, if we are happy together, etc. Let's say that "passionate love" is necessary to reach the "partner love" that many of us think is "true love."

• You may be interested: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

The affective bond

When we fall in love a very strong bond is generated and, as we have commented, there is a certain component of "madness" because the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is the most rational part of the human being, lowers its level of influence, so it is reasoned to a lesser extent.

Love can give us courage, for this same "madness" or courage to reason less and, in counterpoint, It can also lead us to feel like we are wasting time if we are left alone with this feeling and the relationship is not viable.

On the other hand, passion is affected by hormones like testosterone; In addition to the sexual plane, it can be important when it comes to getting excited and having more desire when it comes to undertaking projects by making us feel stronger.

And when problems arise ...

On Mariva Psychologists we have seen that most of the problems we encounter in therapy are related to love, which is indicative that it is one of the causes for which people suffer the most. For this reason, it is very important, despite its great relevance in the lives of human beings, to demystify it.

Love may not turn out well, but that shouldn't mean so much suffering or that you have some kind of personal problem; The opposite may even happen, that you have decided to move away from a relationship that was not working, which is a sign of reason.

When we are in love we release a lot of oxytocin, a hormone of love but also of forgiveness and justification. Therefore, anything that the other person does that we might not like in others can make us fall in love even more if it is present in the person with whom we fall in love.

For example, if someone we like a lot is cold, we tend to think that he is interesting, if he is a liar, to think that it is complex... It is something that must be taken into account demystifying love, not idealizing the other.

Loving is truly beautiful and important, but you have to be aware of that loss of reason and also limit the suffering that heartbreak can bring. For all this, the figure of the psychologist is especially useful.