How to react to humiliation?

That they trample our dignity does not sit well with anyone. Humiliation is a very unpleasant sensation, usually the product of social situations in which others consciously or unconsciously undervalue us, and that are experienced with deep pain.

Reactions to humiliation can be diverse, and not all of them are convenient. There are those who get angry and make the situation worse, others cry and others try to retaliate. It is surprising how malicious words or words interpreted as offensive can affect us so much.

Being clear about how to react to humiliation appropriately is difficult, not easy.. It requires a certain calm and a cool mind, as well as having the strength to prevent other people's words from affecting us. Let's take a closer look at it below.

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How to react to humiliation and teasing?

The feeling of humiliation is an experience whose impact is so intense, so strong, that it can destroy us. Feeling humiliated is synonymous with

feeling erased, confused, helpless, full of rage. It can even manifest itself with physical sensations, such as stomach pain, and visible emotional reactions, such as crying or outbursts of anger. A common response to being humiliated is wanting to hide, to be swallowed up by the earth, and to disappear. Often when we are humiliated, we lose all ability to take action.

It has happened to all of us that on occasion we have felt humiliated and it is quite likely that we think about what we could have done at that precise moment, or later, to protect ourselves. It is difficult to go back to that precise moment and do the right thing, but it is not a bad idea think about what we could do to protect ourselves if it happens again, since at the moment when we are humiliated, we probably cannot think much, except how to escape.

It is inevitable that we react in one way or another to a humiliation, but we can avoid the way in which the words that have been said affect us. We should not give more power to the opinion of others than to our own. Self-esteem is key to managing a humiliating experience. Here are a few suggestions for how to react to humiliation.

1. Take some time to think

It is difficult to think clearly when we are humiliated, as our minds freeze with horror and frustration. However, if we happen to get our brains to start working again instantly, we can discover a way to respond.

But if not, it is best if you take some time to think about an answer, keeping calm and serenity as much as you can.

We don't have to apologize, accept blame, or fight back, as all of this can backfire on the spot. In this situation, the victim can easily be victimized in the most unpleasant way, even when they are absolutely right about her complaints.

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2. Don't take it as a personal attack

It is normal that at first we interpret humiliation as a personal attack but... What if it is not? It may happen that our "aggressor" is really having a bad day and just that day he has found us and we he has made the humiliating comment, or it may be that he or she is already this normal and we have simply crossed.

A good tip is that, in the face of a humiliating comment, instead of saying anything and fighting back angrily, we let us stop in silence and show ourselves to him or her with our mouth ajar and expressing that emotion of surprise. I may not even know that she made a sour comment and, by showing us with that gesture of surprise and displeasure at her words, perhaps she has made an inappropriate comment and feel what you have told us. Moreover, it may be that by understanding what has happened now, he or she is the person who feels ashamed.

If you think that whoever made the humiliating comment didn't really mean to embarrass you in front of others, a good way to react to it is to respond with the appropriate tone, simply but directly, in private. You can use the phrase "I know you didn't want to do it, but when you said that to me, I felt a bit upset."

If the case is that he wants to embarrass us yes or yes, we must be clear: no matter what we have done wrong, we do not deserve a humiliation for it. It is true that we must take responsibility for our actions and make amends for the mistake we have made, now, we must not think that making a mistake means that we are people who should be denigrated.

If a person wants us to feel bad about ourselves, the problem is most likely in them, that it is frustrated with their lives and feel the need to try to find fault or humiliate others to try to reaffirm. Of course, that is pathological behavior.

Not taking it personally is knowing that you are the victim, not the cause of the problem.

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3. Understand the motivation of the other

If the humiliating situation just happened, now that we are out of harm's way, we can spend some time thinking about what might be happening. Understand the motivation of the other person can give us a more global view of why this has happened And, related to what we have already commented before, perhaps it allows us to understand that there has really been no intention of hurting us.

Understand It does not mean forgiving or feeling sorry for the other person, at least not necessarily. It is simply a tool to help us get out of the potentially harmful consequences of their behavior. It is also a way to help us not to take their actions personally, and to see more clearly that it is some problem that is in that person more than in ourselves.

4. Seek support from others

No one can escape humiliation. It's hard to find someone who hasn't ever felt humiliated in their life. Because, it is very easy to find other people who can tell us about their experiences with this emotion, making us feel heard and, at the same time, provide mutual emotional support in situations in which one felt that his dignity was trampled on.

For example, if we have felt humiliated by our boss, we may not be the only ones, and that the rest of the office colleagues have also lived such an experience in some chance. Talking with them can allow us to know what tools or strategies they used to know how to get out of the way, and also to understand why our boss told us that.

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5. You better not retaliate

Humiliation is a mixture of anger and shame, so feeling like revenge or retaliation is a consequence of it. We believe that by taking revenge we will be able to restore our damaged self-esteem after the humiliation that someone has done us.

The problem with doing this is that we run the risk that we act without thinking, screw up even more and give more material to our humiliator to humiliate ourselves more. We can turn a situation in which we were already the victim into an even worse one, making it seem like the bad guys in the movie are us. Not retaliating does not have to mean that we are being weak.

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6. Keep going

The best reaction to humiliation is not allowing the person to influence us, whether he has done so innocently or on purpose. We have strengths and the ability to live a full life despite the unpleasant comments of certain individuals.

If the person who humiliates us does it on purpose and on top of that, does it continuously, the only option adaptive possible is to cut off the relationship with him or her, be it a partner, a co-worker or a boss. It is true that we should not let her include us, but if she does it constantly and it does not seem that she is going to learn from what we tell them that it hurts us, it is best to avoid that person as much as possible. possible.