Can everyone be happy?

We all want to be happier, but it seems like an impossible mission. The media bombard us with the imperative that those who are not happy have not taken advantage of her life nor have they known how to take advantage of it.

Achieving happiness is not easy, as much as the excessive positivism industry says otherwise. However, this does not mean that it cannot be achieved, although of course it will require some effort.

Can happiness be trained? This is the question we are going to answer below. Find out if it is possible to train to be happier!

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Can happiness be trained?

Everybody wants to be happy, a no-brainer. The average citizen aspires to have a full, satisfied and happy life. Failure to do so is interpreted as a failure, a wasted life, an unsuccessful experience. That is why there is a veritable industry of happiness based on cheap psychology, self-help books and credit card lightening courses that ensure you can be happy with your method, whatever be. They are right? Can happiness be trained?

Being able to train happiness can, now well, the way is not simple or fast. Because, indeed, in matters of change, in that search for full psychological well-being and authentic fulfillment, nothing is either easy or quick. You can be happy at the moment, but not permanently because at the end of the day human beings do not stop being roller coasters of emotions. And thank goodness! otherwise, it would be difficult for us to adapt adequately to the demands of our environment.

Training ourselves to be happier is going to cost it. As much as the so-called "happiness industry" wants to convince us that full happiness is at our fingertips, this is not the case. There is no simple formula to be more cheerful and optimistic, but a whole set of strategies and attitudes towards life to change our way of interpreting it and of receiving the hard setbacks that sometimes gives us.

Our own brain doesn't make it easy for us either. We are going to say it in a very simplistic but quite explanatory way: our brain cares little that we are happy. In reality, the only thing that matters to him is that we survive and, therefore, he gives more value to fears and those mechanisms that place us in the comfort zone. He focuses more on the negative to avoid it than on the positive to continue doing it, and it costs him the change, even if it is for the better.

However, the fact that the organ where our behavior is based is resistant to change does not mean that it cannot do so. Humans have been making important advances throughout our evolutionary history changes that have helped us better adapt to complex environments. These changes would not have been possible without leaving the comfort zone and daring to live better. This is extrapolated to psychotherapy, which has shown that changes towards balance and healing They are possible, but first it takes authentic commitment and active effort from the patient to achieve this.

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Training ourselves to be happier

There are little things that can give us a little satisfaction. Habits that, although they are not going to bring us full happiness, help us avoid being right at the opposite pole, that is, bitterness, dissatisfaction and torment. Some actions such as having a better diet, being more active, doing sports and other healthy habits can make our mind more optimistic and happy.

Everything we have discussed can help us to be more satisfied with life, but it does not necessarily translate into being happy. In fact, happiness has more to do with how we approach life and value it than what we already have. Of course, not missing anything will help us not to be sad, but if we have serious problems managing adversities of life, we stress easily and have bad relationships with our social environment, happy we will not be.

As the Hungarian-American psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (1934-2021) said, easy recipes are not useful to achieve a happy life. Happiness is a path, an individual process where each one must invest efforts being creative and original to see what works best for you. But, although that path to happiness is different for everyone, this does not mean that there are not some general guidelines to train our brain to achieve it. Let's see a few.

1. Train the mind in realistic positivism

Neurosciences show that thoughts are the mere product of brain activity. They are the result of the activation of electrical connections. Something similar happens in the opposite direction, being the thoughts that can change the way the brain is configured, generating new connections and even shaping it.

Thinking negatively repeatedly and even obsessively affects our performance. Negativity exhausts our brain, something that has been seen in neuroimaging in the form of less activity in the prefrontal area. The result of this is a difficulty in finding and finding solutions to life's problems, something that frustrates and stresses us, negative emotions that feed negative thoughts. A negative and dysfunctional thinking cycle is generated.

If we want to be happy, we have to change this thought pattern. A key to this is to make a conscious and constant effort, trying to have greater control over these types of mental processes. We already warned that it is difficult, that it costs, but to control what we think and stop looking at life from such a negative perspective is to gain in mental health. Everything we say and think matters.

We must stop negative thoughts and apply realistic positivism. The goal is to reflect on our thinking, be less rigid with what surrounds us and try to see the positive in life. There are things that, no matter how small they may seem, can make our day in one way or another. Its power is cumulative and if we manage to make it become a habit, the day will come when we are happy by inertia.

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2. Set goals regularly

One of the situations in which we can feel the most happiness is when we manage to fulfill a purpose that we have set for ourselves. At the brain level, achieving a goal translates into an increase in dopamine and serotonin, our brain is bathed in neurotransmitters that bring us happiness and satisfaction. Not all goals are the same: some are achieved in the long term, while others can be achieved throughout the day. Depending on how ambitious they are, the greater or lesser satisfaction they give us will be.

A good way to be happier is precisely to set goals regularly, preferably every day. Although recommended, you must also be careful with these types of goals, as they must be affordable, achievable within 24 hours. If we set ourselves overly ambitious projects to accomplish every day, chances are high that we will not accomplish them and, as a consequence, we will be disappointed. with ourselves, just the opposite of what we want.

Each one must know each other and be aware of what their limits and capacities are, setting goals according to them. This does not mean that our limits and capacities are immutable, but it does mean that we cannot cover more than what we are capable of at the moment. If we set daily goals for ourselves, that these are affordable, easy to meet or that they are small steps that lead us to a more ambitious long-term goal.

Whatever we want to accomplish, let's set goals. Not doing it, not having goals or objectives in life leaves us suspended in an existential void, an abyss in which we wonder what the value of our lives is and what we are for. Having nothing to do or accomplish can lead us to nihilistic thoughts That can be a breeding ground for not only unhappiness to emerge, but also mood disorders such as anxiety and depression.

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3. Build self esteem

As we have mentioned before, you cannot be happy every day. One thing is that we consider that our lives are happy in general and quite another is that every day we are immersed in the most absolute and resounding joy. We are human and we live ups and downs. It is impossible to always maintain that mental, emotional and attitudinal state every moment because in one way or another things are going to happen to us, although the way they affect us is our responsibility.

There is something much more important than being happy: being good with yourself. Lack of self-esteem not only prevents us from being happy, but also negatively affects a myriad of areas that make up our lives. Dissatisfaction with oneself is evident in our studies, work, with family, with friends... no we see ourselves capable, we get frustrated by how we are and we do not respond adaptively to the adversities of the life.

Within self-esteem are self-respect and self-worth, fundamental aspects in the life of every person. It is also within her to value the positive things we have achieved and identify the negative ones to overcome or improve them, this being the most important point to take into account to improve the self esteem. If we motivate ourselves to carry out our vital goals and improve what we lack, we will increase our self-esteem and we will be happier.

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4. Practice gratitude

The power of gratitude is enormous, which makes it all the more surprising that we forget to give thanks for all that life gives us. Forgetting to thank does not allow us to appreciate and value what we have, what we have lived, what we are. Things we take for granted like having a home, being able to buy food, or having a job are something other people want so badly.

It is therefore highly recommended to give thanks every night to something, be thankful for the fact that we have a minimum of 3 important things in our lives. This little gesture, this little daily habit can increase our levels of happiness in a matter of a few weeks, making us see how much we have compared to people less graceful.

5. Analyze and question complaints

People who don't complain are said to be happier. Complaining can be exhausting and all it does to us is see things in a more negative light. The ideal is to know how to value all the good that we have in our lives, be grateful for it and not complain so much.

However, sometimes it is inevitable that we complain, either out of habit or because we have not thought to avoid it. If a complaint has escaped us, the best we can do is analyze it. Let's look at our complaints, see what they are based on and what argument they use to make us see how very unhappy we think we are. How do they make us feel? Let's make a list of those thoughts and start questioning them.

If we succeed, every time one of those malicious complaints escapes us, we will immediately know how to extract a counter-argument, something that delegitimizes them. And there will come a time when they will not dare to come to light directly, because one can hardly complain about what one already feels happy about.

6. Let go of resentments

Something fundamental when it comes to being happy is letting go of resentments. Envy, grudges, discussions of the past... Associated emotions hurt us, more than did the people with whom we have these bad experiences. It is something difficult certainly, but if we achieve it we will be happier and it is a step that cannot be missed on our path of training happiness.

7. Be nice to others

Happiness is trained by training kindness first. It costs us nothing to be kind, pleasant and friendly with the people around us, both family and acquaintances with whom we can cross on the street. A few good words contribute to making the planet a better place, do it without expecting anything in return.

Treating others better helps us to be happier while others will have a harder time saying something ugly to us. If we are good with others, others will be good with us and, therefore, the more difficult it will be for there to be bad frictions with our social circle. Less conflict equals more happiness, so you have to train kindness.

8. Mindfulness

A classic when talking about happiness is the Mindfulness. While it has its criticisms, this technique may prove useful to some people. It is nothing more than working to be able to pay attention to the present and prevent our mind from wander down dark paths, feeding highly hypothetical thoughts, memories, and scenarios. negatives. Self-talk is helpful in planning our lives, but when it becomes toxic it traps us in a whirlwind of bad emotions and harmful thoughts.

What Mindfulness aims to do is control our mind's attention. The goal is to be able to tell ourselves “right now I'm doing or thinking something that doesn't feel right”, stop paying attention to it and focus it on something more positive such as the landscape, a painting in the room, the music we are listening to or the rubbing of clothing with Our skin.

conclusion

As we have seen, happiness can be trained, but it is not a simple or quick process. It is a mixture of good attitudes towards life, investment of effort and knowing yourself, as well as respecting yourself and valuing what you already have. It is also the ability to set realistic goals and achieve them that brings us closer to happiness, both by feeling one that gives value to your life such as achieving these goals and feeling the surge of dopamine and serotonin that your achievement.